don't need no good advice

One thing I remember from being a teenager was putting on an outlandish outfit and asking my Mum's opinion on it. If I recollect rightly, it involved wearing an electric blue snood as a skirt. When I decided to wear it anyway, she retorted "I don't know why you ask me if you're not going to listen to what I say!" And so I learned that I might seek the views of those I trust, but actually that's just a starting point. Sometimes hearing what others think can be useful, but actually what's way more important is what we think ourselves.

I was asked for advice yesterday. I don't do advice. Advice is when you tell people what you think they should do. As if we really know what it's like for them, or what the best thing might be! I would usually deflect straight back with questioning as to what they'd like to do. But I was rushed and they'd explicitly asked for advice, and so I gave my opinion. Of course, in the asking, they already worked out for themselves what it is they wanted to do - that's all it takes really, taking the space to write stuff down or talk it out, so we can get to what it is we actually want to do. Fortunately they'd decided to do what I had suggested, so I just about got away with it. But I won't be in a hurry to advise again. It's not empowering. Tho it is a lovely sign of trust isn't it, when people want to know our opinion on something important to them.

It's interesting, 'cos often people thank me for my advice, when I'm clear I've not actually given any. I've "just" listened to what they've shared, perhaps reflected back, explored some options and asked them how they would feel about trying them. And I'm also aware that there _is_ a time and place for advice. I have needed advice from my solicitor as to the court proceedings, and what would be deemed acceptable in terms of agreements as it's something out of my knowledge area.

So I'm not totally anti-advice. It's just there's a whole lot more can be done, if we are willing to take the time to be alongside those who seek it. However we help people today, and however they help us, I hope we can be glad of it :D