admitting I still have so much to learn

As if this mornings blog wasn't long enough, it turns out I still have plenty to say!!! Continuing my theme on oppression one of the hard things is that, as those of us with privilege in particular identities have been raised with that sense we know better, we find it hard to accept that it is not us who defines how someone else experiences oppression.
So if something I say is perceived as homophobic by my gay friend, it shouldn't matter whether I intended to be or not, what matters is that they have perceived it as oppressive. None of us like to be thought of as not getting things right, especially when most of us are genuinely trying our hardest to be as inclusive as possible and are mortified to think we have unintentionally upset someone.

The way we can grow tho, I feel, is to be open to learning how we have upset others in our unintended arrogance. I still have much to learn and hard tho it is to accept, I do get things wrong all the time and rob my working class friends of their power every time I think i know better than them, I also feel diminished every time sexism denies my voice and a man implies he understands the situation better. And even tho all us adults were once children, we all have way to go in terms of giving space to youngsters to articulate their needs and respecting them. With the institutions we have, this can feel an uphill battle - it must be impossible to fully meet the needs of every child in a class of 30. And every day I fail to override the oppression and I treat my children in ways I would rather I didn't, as a parent I feel under resourced to parent the way I'd like to all the time.

And as I said earlier, it's not a populist move, to call for us to look honestly at our own oppressive words and behaviour. I still have way to go myself and where I have been hurt the temptation is to growl and be nasty, or in just trying to get some of my hurt heard, it can come across as being nasty - it is really hard to be around other people's hurt and so when I show a little of mine I run the risk of being judged and rejected, I've noticed I don't do it very often, so if I take the risk and do it around you, I hope you count yourself lucky!! Being around people's hurt presses other peoples buttons and can quickly have folk want to be defensive. And on the other hand I have been brought up with lots of privileges that it really isn't easy to either admit to or undo. In a couple of weeks I'm at a retreat when I can work better on reducing my oppression of the working class folk I'm lucky enough to be close to.

In the meantime I still have plenty of thoughts and feelings to keep working on. It's intriguing that I've wanted to blog at length today on these matters when these aren't what is troubling me most. I guess it's a pet subject that means I can channel my energy effectively. People have no idea what is going on in my head/heart just as I have no idea what is going on in theirs. When things don't feel fair on so many levels for so many people, it can feel disempowering. At least by striving for equality it's an unfairness I can do a little bit about. Unlike death and illness and loss where I just can't.