Holding hands with strangers is ace. I knew I'd love it here. We start again at 7am so don't expect any blogging from me in a while...
...
And back :) Apart from not enjoying the way I sometimes get rid of difficult feelings by throwing up, it has been an absolutely awesome weekend! A gift to myself, giving me time and space to clear some of my stuff. And tho not everyone may agree, a gift to the amazing working class people I'm lucky enough to have in my life and want to be more real with :)
And I got to say my adopted surname for the first time as it felt safe enough to do so :) I hope your weekend has been full of love love love too :D
Friday, 27 February 2015
beautiful
Someone bought me this and I hung it from my mirror. I rarely look in the mirror to be honest - I'm glad to say that I believe this sign and don't fret as I know some others do. I think the sign is fab tho and a great thing to have prominently displayed in a house with adolescents.This morning has cake in it with beautiful people as we mark the retirement of one of my bosses. This afternoon I think won't have cake as i arrive at the co-housing community for my workshop. I know the people there will be beautiful too (cos we all are). It's always a bit sad when things mean I'm then not with beautiful people I usually hang out with - I'm particularly touched that a choir member sent me a job ad she thought I might be interested in. I know so many beautiful people!!! Hope you too enjoy all the beautiful people you encounter :D
Thursday, 26 February 2015
expansive
I LOVE the mood I'm in at the moment - I associate it with the word expansive. I have unlimited texts but wonder if like my broadband there is a "fair use policy" as I sent a considerable number of texts last night ;) Sometimes I'm just in that place where there feels no limit to the love I can share, the positive I can see, the connections I can reach for.The big dog bounded over towards me and I wondered if I was about to get muddy paw prints on my work trousers. As the owner passed he explained "he must have thought he knew you". Maybe I'm just giving off vibes of already knowing people as the way I feel at the moment, there's no barriers, I'm loving everyone, friend, stranger, and big muddy dogs :D
I was called a warm dependable ally the other day. It's how I think I'm supposed to be. With everyone :) I don't think there are any sides, I think that's a human construction. Plenty of love for everyone :D
Here is a photo of a beautiful thing. I don't know what this style of decoration is called but it's evocative of my childhood and somewhere there's a baby photo of me that I like with a similar decoration in the background, only it looks as if it's my halo ;) I'll look out for it sometime and share that too. I found this one the other day down the back of the tele, it's all bashed and so I've thrown it away now but I took this photo first.
Wednesday, 25 February 2015
hazy shade of winter
It feels like there's no time this week. I worked last night and am working a session tonight immediately before choir. So I got up early this morning to pack for the weekend in case there's not another chance. I'm really looking forwards to it. It's a whole weekend workshop around being middle class. I've not done anything exactly like it before, tho I've attended awesome events I expect it will be a bit like. I went to a day once with a similar bunch of folk and I LOVED it - there's something so lovely about being around people who it's so easy to connect with.
As it's all about no pretense, and looking at what goes on for us, we're not to use anything over the weekend that might numb our feelings - not an issue for me around the alcohol or nicotine, tho I do wonder if I'll notice the lack of caffeine, and I expect the lack of sugar will be a struggle as I do have a bit of a sugar addiction.
I've put in my item of clothing that resembles a blanket, tho not to hide under - maybe to share? :)
First tho there's still a working week to finish.
... Work future been discussed today. There's still lots of change but it's hopefully a little less uncertain than before, and hopefully will find out more in next few weeks so I can then figure out what I want to do next. And my boy's computer that he's bought for himself has arrived so that will mean I get more access to my own - yay!
As it's all about no pretense, and looking at what goes on for us, we're not to use anything over the weekend that might numb our feelings - not an issue for me around the alcohol or nicotine, tho I do wonder if I'll notice the lack of caffeine, and I expect the lack of sugar will be a struggle as I do have a bit of a sugar addiction.
I've put in my item of clothing that resembles a blanket, tho not to hide under - maybe to share? :)
First tho there's still a working week to finish.
... Work future been discussed today. There's still lots of change but it's hopefully a little less uncertain than before, and hopefully will find out more in next few weeks so I can then figure out what I want to do next. And my boy's computer that he's bought for himself has arrived so that will mean I get more access to my own - yay!
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
life's a treat
As we know, I'm not brilliant at waiting, and what with picking to work on impatience this lent, I'm bound to attract lots of situations where I get to practice being patient.
Waiting to find out what's going to happen about my job is not really fun and I can feel it taking a toll on my body and my interactions, so to make it a bit more fun I took my boy to see Shaun the sheep as we both like That Kind of Thing. That was a good idea and we enjoyed it, tho I was aware still that I could be notified at any time. I wasn't. I hope we find out today.
The rest of this week doesn't seem to have many gaps in it, I may have to remind myself to keep taking deep breaths - there's always time for that.
This blew my mind last night: http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/
and I had a good giggle at the line "apparently family dynamics are complicated even at the cellular level" Any relationship is complicated cos it involves people - but I love how our relationships have the power to heal. I know I wouldn't be the me that I currently am if I hadn't interacted with others and that the influence others have on me makes me better. Wow.
...
Hmm, I'm suspecting this won't make it into my top ten for best days of my life, but we never know and I'm not giving up on it yet ;) I played myself a whole load of encouraging songs before leaving. Still no news on the job front. Good job I'm so patient :D
Waiting to find out what's going to happen about my job is not really fun and I can feel it taking a toll on my body and my interactions, so to make it a bit more fun I took my boy to see Shaun the sheep as we both like That Kind of Thing. That was a good idea and we enjoyed it, tho I was aware still that I could be notified at any time. I wasn't. I hope we find out today.
The rest of this week doesn't seem to have many gaps in it, I may have to remind myself to keep taking deep breaths - there's always time for that.
This blew my mind last night: http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/
and I had a good giggle at the line "apparently family dynamics are complicated even at the cellular level" Any relationship is complicated cos it involves people - but I love how our relationships have the power to heal. I know I wouldn't be the me that I currently am if I hadn't interacted with others and that the influence others have on me makes me better. Wow.
...
Hmm, I'm suspecting this won't make it into my top ten for best days of my life, but we never know and I'm not giving up on it yet ;) I played myself a whole load of encouraging songs before leaving. Still no news on the job front. Good job I'm so patient :D
Monday, 23 February 2015
next to me
The half term holidays have finished for one of my children, but not the other. It's not long now til they'll both be at the same school again and then this situation won't arise again. But for now I'm celebrating that I get an extra day with my boy. There's all this potential that I can already feel falling away as we both get sucked into our separate activities - I could easily spend the day emailing/tidying and he has already got a warm spot in front of the TV. But the sun is shining, I'm wondering if he could be persuaded to take the dog for a walk along the seafront, via the tip to get rid of the pile of stuff that's been accumulating for months?
Or maybe we'll just get to the cinema, there's a film only the two of us want to see, so today makes perfect sense to go and see that.
Even if I just go and curl up next to him on the sofa, it's great to have time happy in each other's company. I hope you too are rejoicing in whoever is next to you :D
Or maybe we'll just get to the cinema, there's a film only the two of us want to see, so today makes perfect sense to go and see that.
Even if I just go and curl up next to him on the sofa, it's great to have time happy in each other's company. I hope you too are rejoicing in whoever is next to you :D
Saturday, 21 February 2015
lifetime supply of cleaning products
Firstly, I'd like to congratulate myself on not writing this earlier :) I'm only now getting this down, whilst I need a sit down after a flurry of productive activity.
Unusually, I have had a propensity towards cleaning. Now, one barrier to this is that in order to clean, I first have to tidy, in order to reach the surfaces that are in need of cleaning. Unperturbed, I have spent lots of today shifting things, and even throwing stuff away, like that shelf from the old fridge that I kept in case I wanted to use it in the new one.
Yesterday I initially couldn't find my usual ecover laundry gel but then found it in a section of collected ecover products, many of which were on offer, so I got lots of stuff. When I got home, I found I already had a lifetime supply of cleaning stuff in my cupboards (if you rarely clean, anything can last a lifetime!!)
I have a very clear memory of enjoying hoovering one time to Diana Ross's Chain Reaction, so I made a playlist to sustain my enthusiasm, and have subsequently perhaps done more dancing than cleaning. It's so easy to get distracted - just nipping to the loo and seeing so much else that needs doing en route. And my need for human interaction pulls me away too. Nonetheless, let's celebrate that I now have a totally cleared kitchen and dining room floor and about to mop so will be taking the chair away from the screen ;)
And since my day could hardly only consist of cleaning, I liked this, especially the line that there's no time for anything inessential (but that he anticipates still having fun and silliness in his remaining time):
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html?_r=1
Unusually, I have had a propensity towards cleaning. Now, one barrier to this is that in order to clean, I first have to tidy, in order to reach the surfaces that are in need of cleaning. Unperturbed, I have spent lots of today shifting things, and even throwing stuff away, like that shelf from the old fridge that I kept in case I wanted to use it in the new one.
Yesterday I initially couldn't find my usual ecover laundry gel but then found it in a section of collected ecover products, many of which were on offer, so I got lots of stuff. When I got home, I found I already had a lifetime supply of cleaning stuff in my cupboards (if you rarely clean, anything can last a lifetime!!)
I have a very clear memory of enjoying hoovering one time to Diana Ross's Chain Reaction, so I made a playlist to sustain my enthusiasm, and have subsequently perhaps done more dancing than cleaning. It's so easy to get distracted - just nipping to the loo and seeing so much else that needs doing en route. And my need for human interaction pulls me away too. Nonetheless, let's celebrate that I now have a totally cleared kitchen and dining room floor and about to mop so will be taking the chair away from the screen ;)
And since my day could hardly only consist of cleaning, I liked this, especially the line that there's no time for anything inessential (but that he anticipates still having fun and silliness in his remaining time):
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/19/opinion/oliver-sacks-on-learning-he-has-terminal-cancer.html?_r=1
Friday, 20 February 2015
let it go
We're learning the popular song 'let it go' in choir which seems apt. I have more things I'm worrying about than I can pay attention to all at once. I've not been able to successfully share them as my usual way of dealing way of managing concerns is to talk them over and that just didn't work out today. I'm of the view that a problem shared is generally a problem halved. But I have learned that this depends on the problem, who you share it with, and how you go about it!! The best scenario is when the listener is someone who knows and loves you well so will have an idea as to why it's a struggle, they already know your buttons, your history, and their UPR comes about because they already know you're ace :-) and if your problem has nothing to do with them they can listen well and so give the space so you can work out what you want to do. I get this kind of listening every week in my co-counselling session as we have been doing this now for 14 years and it's transformational.
There's another scenario which is trickier for everyone I think, but still worth trying if handled gently. They still know and love you but this time they are involved in the situation. This can be mutually beneficial as it reduces everyone's isolation cos people are talking about the problem together instead of going off on their own with it. They will have a perspective that can bring insight, they will have their own suggestions for moving forward that you might not have thought of. But they also will have their own emotional response and sometimes it can result in a clamour of hurts where no-one gets well heard as each is too hurt themselves.
There is also a third scenario, this is what I offer on the helpline I volunteer on. This is where there is no involvement in the situation so no buttons pressed, it can be all about the caller. I don't know and love the caller but can have professional UPR and simply trust that they are of course doing their best and that whatever their struggle is matters to them and I can give them a space to work it through.
I'm very glad I have a walk with a friend booked tomorrow so should be able to regain my grip on all there is to be grateful for :-)
Meanwhile I need to let go of the fear of the unknown future, whatever is coming is well within my ability to cope with it. I've got better I think at not having expectations into the future anymore - who knows what life may be like next year, next month, even next week, so no point in expecting it to be a certain way.
I need to let go of the hurts and disappointments, what others do or say to me that upsets me is their issue, I am only responsible for my own comments and actions. This will be helped if I also let go of my expectations that others might behave like I would, when they don't!! Not everyone sees the best of others so readily and that still surprises me.
I've not seen the film from which the song is taken. It's a good job we altos don't get the line 'the cold never bothered me anyway!' cos it does bother me. Greatly. I've not been able to get warm enough for most of today.
This blog is a good way of helping to let things go. Hopefully now I can get some sleep.
There's another scenario which is trickier for everyone I think, but still worth trying if handled gently. They still know and love you but this time they are involved in the situation. This can be mutually beneficial as it reduces everyone's isolation cos people are talking about the problem together instead of going off on their own with it. They will have a perspective that can bring insight, they will have their own suggestions for moving forward that you might not have thought of. But they also will have their own emotional response and sometimes it can result in a clamour of hurts where no-one gets well heard as each is too hurt themselves.
There is also a third scenario, this is what I offer on the helpline I volunteer on. This is where there is no involvement in the situation so no buttons pressed, it can be all about the caller. I don't know and love the caller but can have professional UPR and simply trust that they are of course doing their best and that whatever their struggle is matters to them and I can give them a space to work it through.
I'm very glad I have a walk with a friend booked tomorrow so should be able to regain my grip on all there is to be grateful for :-)
Meanwhile I need to let go of the fear of the unknown future, whatever is coming is well within my ability to cope with it. I've got better I think at not having expectations into the future anymore - who knows what life may be like next year, next month, even next week, so no point in expecting it to be a certain way.
I need to let go of the hurts and disappointments, what others do or say to me that upsets me is their issue, I am only responsible for my own comments and actions. This will be helped if I also let go of my expectations that others might behave like I would, when they don't!! Not everyone sees the best of others so readily and that still surprises me.
I've not seen the film from which the song is taken. It's a good job we altos don't get the line 'the cold never bothered me anyway!' cos it does bother me. Greatly. I've not been able to get warm enough for most of today.
This blog is a good way of helping to let things go. Hopefully now I can get some sleep.
Thursday, 19 February 2015
impatience
I don't think I'm a massively impatient person. I'm certainly not the road rage type, instead I'm cautious at junctions, and when caught in a traffic jam am frequently heard to rebut other people's protestations with "well I can't make it go any quicker" and "think of all this extra time you're getting to spend with the lovely people in this car" and other such phrases lacking in sympathy but at least making the best of the situation.
What I've found about making a decision to try and improve upon an aspect of myself is that it focuses the mind. So these last few days I've been noticing where it is I am not always patient, and so get to reflect on how I could maybe respond differently. I've also been noticing where I am reasonably patient :) I think the key may be to do with trying to view the situation from a perspective other than my own - this is something I'm pretty good at, so that bodes well.
And so when is it that I'm not so patient? Usually when the actions (or more commonly inactions!!) of others impact on what I want to do and they are just not doing it the way I'd do it ;) This is especially difficult when there are deadlines. So I can already foresee potential for impatience as tomorrow I have to drop my children in Preston before getting to work for 9.30. Tactics I've not yet employed so far this Lent but intend to make use of include counting to ten before saying something, in the hope I will reduce my shouting. I can see that from my children's perspectives it is difficult to be motivated to be out of the house so early on their holiday. I suspect tomorrow I'll be more pleased if I manage to not get annoyed, than if I manage to get to work on time!!
...
Go me :) Yes I was late but I didn't get at all cross, as let's face it, it didn't really matter, I was able to stay behind late. And it's far much better to part on happy terms :D
What I've found about making a decision to try and improve upon an aspect of myself is that it focuses the mind. So these last few days I've been noticing where it is I am not always patient, and so get to reflect on how I could maybe respond differently. I've also been noticing where I am reasonably patient :) I think the key may be to do with trying to view the situation from a perspective other than my own - this is something I'm pretty good at, so that bodes well.
And so when is it that I'm not so patient? Usually when the actions (or more commonly inactions!!) of others impact on what I want to do and they are just not doing it the way I'd do it ;) This is especially difficult when there are deadlines. So I can already foresee potential for impatience as tomorrow I have to drop my children in Preston before getting to work for 9.30. Tactics I've not yet employed so far this Lent but intend to make use of include counting to ten before saying something, in the hope I will reduce my shouting. I can see that from my children's perspectives it is difficult to be motivated to be out of the house so early on their holiday. I suspect tomorrow I'll be more pleased if I manage to not get annoyed, than if I manage to get to work on time!!
...
Go me :) Yes I was late but I didn't get at all cross, as let's face it, it didn't really matter, I was able to stay behind late. And it's far much better to part on happy terms :D
Will fun
Back to work today with monkey in tow. Suspect it would be hypocritical as a pacifist to try and make the visit to the army camp sound exciting in order to motivate him to get ready to come with me. it is out of the ordinary, thankfully for us in this country, to see armed guards so I think he will be momentarily interested.
We got back yesterday to some unexpected mail, beneficiarlies of small bequests in a will. Now the divorce has come through, writing my own will has moved higher up my to do list and I was just going to do something very simple. However I wonder if I would be more motivated if I decided to have some fun with it and maybe list some folk to get surprise £50 cheques say?
Need to get to work so for my musing on patience, you'll just have to be, well, patient!!
We got back yesterday to some unexpected mail, beneficiarlies of small bequests in a will. Now the divorce has come through, writing my own will has moved higher up my to do list and I was just going to do something very simple. However I wonder if I would be more motivated if I decided to have some fun with it and maybe list some folk to get surprise £50 cheques say?
Need to get to work so for my musing on patience, you'll just have to be, well, patient!!
Tuesday, 17 February 2015
it's a virtue
So lent begins and I've not given it much thought. And so when asked, all I could remember was that I last year thought that to stretch myself I should aim to be more patient. Last year's focus on generosity I think has helped me be more generous overall. So if there's something I'd like to improve about myself so I'm more like the person I think I'm made to be, I think it might be around practising patience.
If I recall correctly, last year having decided to work on my generosity I then lost access to the money in my bank account for a month. So it's with a little trepidation that I'm announcing I want to try being more patient - what challenges will be thrown at me? My immediate question tho is how will I know if I'm achieving my goal? Acts of generosity can be noted. How am I going to assess if I'm managing to be more patient?
I will see what I figure out as I go along and keep you posted. Our journey home now has a deadline in order to collect the dog before the kennels shut - this is not conducive to me being patient, so a testing start!!
... Back with only 15 mins to spare before the deadline. I already feel more patient ;-) but I also feel dizzy so no more now, will share again tomorrow
If I recall correctly, last year having decided to work on my generosity I then lost access to the money in my bank account for a month. So it's with a little trepidation that I'm announcing I want to try being more patient - what challenges will be thrown at me? My immediate question tho is how will I know if I'm achieving my goal? Acts of generosity can be noted. How am I going to assess if I'm managing to be more patient?
I will see what I figure out as I go along and keep you posted. Our journey home now has a deadline in order to collect the dog before the kennels shut - this is not conducive to me being patient, so a testing start!!
... Back with only 15 mins to spare before the deadline. I already feel more patient ;-) but I also feel dizzy so no more now, will share again tomorrow
trail
Today we are going to an adventure trail with a picnic. The sun is shining. Hopefully that will clear my grump. It should also hopefully provide me with many opportunities to fulfil the challenge set by my Dad to get a photograph of all 5 cousins. So far it had been tricky as they not only are rarely in the same place but also not usually still. Looking in the same direction may of course be a step too far, but the light right now is lovely so here is hoping!
...
Light was lovely. Hopefully one of my many photos will be good enough. Loved all the freshair and trees. Could happily snooze now only it's time for a long requestes (not by me) game of life.
...
Light was lovely. Hopefully one of my many photos will be good enough. Loved all the freshair and trees. Could happily snooze now only it's time for a long requestes (not by me) game of life.
Monday, 16 February 2015
playing the 3 year old way
One of the joys of yesterday was playing a hiding game with my nephews. The youngest kept hiding the little dog for me to find, whilst I counted. Everytime I started my search he would immediately tell me exactly where he'd hidden it and drag me to it. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
We're off to a water park this morning, my children don't understand that we are only allowed to stay an hour...
We're off to a water park this morning, my children don't understand that we are only allowed to stay an hour...
Sunday, 15 February 2015
Home comforts
We've not left our beloved pooch in a kennels before and so packed him a bag of familiar items to help him feel at home, a blanket smelling of my girly, his favourite toy, that kind of thing. I wonder how he is faring, but want to concentrate on the fun we are having here. It's always fascinating being in someone else's home, part of another family's ways, as we're all so different, but that is what makes life interesting. The pack of cousins have all just headed out on a newspaper purchasing mission and I'm grateful for a few minutes of peace to write my blog. I like my home comforts too!
Saturday, 14 February 2015
everything I need
I don't like that anxiety just beforeleaving on a trip - have I got everything? Silly really as there is little I couldn't improvise.
Everything I need is here in my heart B-)
... Great to be at my sisters :-)
I'm still upset tho at seeing the aftermath of a collision that we later discovered had happened 7 hours earlier and involved 40 cars. Sobering.
Everything I need is here in my heart B-)
... Great to be at my sisters :-)
I'm still upset tho at seeing the aftermath of a collision that we later discovered had happened 7 hours earlier and involved 40 cars. Sobering.
Friday, 13 February 2015
ch-ch-ch-changes
I did one of those fun test (actually it seemed a bit serious really) and turned out to be a lot more left and libertarian than Gandhi :)
https://www.politicalcompass.org/analysis2?ec=-8.25&soc=-7.85
Today I'm keeping everything crossed that I can get to spend an evening with my boyfriend after choir, our first this year. For a host of reasons we just don't get chance to spend much time together, but he now had a few days off so hopefully we can rebalance that. Any time we can spend with those we love is precious and we can often take it for granted when we rub shoulders with folk day after day. So when contact is noticeably timelimited, it can focus the mind on celebrating how ace it is, tho may mean there is a pressure to make the most of it.
I've learned not to count chickens tho. I've already had an early morning call changing things for tomorrow - nothing is ever certain. So whoever I'm lucky enough to meet today I will endeavour to delight in B-)
https://www.politicalcompass.org/analysis2?ec=-8.25&soc=-7.85
Today I'm keeping everything crossed that I can get to spend an evening with my boyfriend after choir, our first this year. For a host of reasons we just don't get chance to spend much time together, but he now had a few days off so hopefully we can rebalance that. Any time we can spend with those we love is precious and we can often take it for granted when we rub shoulders with folk day after day. So when contact is noticeably timelimited, it can focus the mind on celebrating how ace it is, tho may mean there is a pressure to make the most of it.
I've learned not to count chickens tho. I've already had an early morning call changing things for tomorrow - nothing is ever certain. So whoever I'm lucky enough to meet today I will endeavour to delight in B-)
Thursday, 12 February 2015
wanted poster
My girly joked that I may end up on a wanted poster for suspicious behaviour, hanging round in parks giving people things. It occurs to me that a wanted poster is EXACTLY what I need right now!!! Last week I was so focussed on the funeral and supporting others who would be there, I think I postponed having any reaction to receiving the divorce certificate (certificate is actually far too grand a word, it's a thin piece of A4 paper with a bit of type that's not even been laid out well). It could say anything really but in my mind it says "We have looked at all the evidence and have concluded that you were a bit rubbish at that relationship malarkey after all, so with regret, you're fired." In worrying about the potential redundancy next week, I don't think I'm even thinking about the practical side, I'm seeing it as yet another jam on that big button labelled "not good enough, not wanted, move along please."So I need to keep focussing on the contradictions. Yesterday someone from choir brought along a book she'd spotted in her church and so borrowed on behalf of me as she thought I'd find it useful. People do think well of me all the time and show me just how much I matter. I AM wanted, big time, by lots and lots of lovely people. Just not currently by the police ;)
some day we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
We sang one of my favourite songs at choir. This was good as i'd been managing on my four hours sleep quite well until hometime when it all then went to pot a bit. Fortunately as well as loving others well, warts and all, I am surrounded by others who love me well even when I'm not great.
"They say love is blind. I disagree. Infatuation is blind, love is all -seeing and accepting.
Love is seeing all the flaws and blemishes and accepting them. Love is accepting the bad habits and mannerisms, and working around them. Love is recognising the fears and insecurities, and knowing your role is to comfort. Love is working through all the challenges and painful times. Infatuation is fragile and will shatter when life is not perfect.
Love is strong and it strengthens because it is real."
This was posted as anonymous. After so much spouting yesterday, today maybe I'll let someone else's words do the speaking.
"They say love is blind. I disagree. Infatuation is blind, love is all -seeing and accepting.
Love is seeing all the flaws and blemishes and accepting them. Love is accepting the bad habits and mannerisms, and working around them. Love is recognising the fears and insecurities, and knowing your role is to comfort. Love is working through all the challenges and painful times. Infatuation is fragile and will shatter when life is not perfect.
Love is strong and it strengthens because it is real."
This was posted as anonymous. After so much spouting yesterday, today maybe I'll let someone else's words do the speaking.
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
admitting I still have so much to learn
As if this mornings blog wasn't long enough, it turns out I still have plenty to say!!! Continuing my theme on oppression one of the hard things is that, as those of us with privilege in particular identities have been raised with that sense we know better, we find it hard to accept that it is not us who defines how someone else experiences oppression.
So if something I say is perceived as homophobic by my gay friend, it shouldn't matter whether I intended to be or not, what matters is that they have perceived it as oppressive. None of us like to be thought of as not getting things right, especially when most of us are genuinely trying our hardest to be as inclusive as possible and are mortified to think we have unintentionally upset someone.
The way we can grow tho, I feel, is to be open to learning how we have upset others in our unintended arrogance. I still have much to learn and hard tho it is to accept, I do get things wrong all the time and rob my working class friends of their power every time I think i know better than them, I also feel diminished every time sexism denies my voice and a man implies he understands the situation better. And even tho all us adults were once children, we all have way to go in terms of giving space to youngsters to articulate their needs and respecting them. With the institutions we have, this can feel an uphill battle - it must be impossible to fully meet the needs of every child in a class of 30. And every day I fail to override the oppression and I treat my children in ways I would rather I didn't, as a parent I feel under resourced to parent the way I'd like to all the time.
And as I said earlier, it's not a populist move, to call for us to look honestly at our own oppressive words and behaviour. I still have way to go myself and where I have been hurt the temptation is to growl and be nasty, or in just trying to get some of my hurt heard, it can come across as being nasty - it is really hard to be around other people's hurt and so when I show a little of mine I run the risk of being judged and rejected, I've noticed I don't do it very often, so if I take the risk and do it around you, I hope you count yourself lucky!! Being around people's hurt presses other peoples buttons and can quickly have folk want to be defensive. And on the other hand I have been brought up with lots of privileges that it really isn't easy to either admit to or undo. In a couple of weeks I'm at a retreat when I can work better on reducing my oppression of the working class folk I'm lucky enough to be close to.
In the meantime I still have plenty of thoughts and feelings to keep working on. It's intriguing that I've wanted to blog at length today on these matters when these aren't what is troubling me most. I guess it's a pet subject that means I can channel my energy effectively. People have no idea what is going on in my head/heart just as I have no idea what is going on in theirs. When things don't feel fair on so many levels for so many people, it can feel disempowering. At least by striving for equality it's an unfairness I can do a little bit about. Unlike death and illness and loss where I just can't.
So if something I say is perceived as homophobic by my gay friend, it shouldn't matter whether I intended to be or not, what matters is that they have perceived it as oppressive. None of us like to be thought of as not getting things right, especially when most of us are genuinely trying our hardest to be as inclusive as possible and are mortified to think we have unintentionally upset someone.
The way we can grow tho, I feel, is to be open to learning how we have upset others in our unintended arrogance. I still have much to learn and hard tho it is to accept, I do get things wrong all the time and rob my working class friends of their power every time I think i know better than them, I also feel diminished every time sexism denies my voice and a man implies he understands the situation better. And even tho all us adults were once children, we all have way to go in terms of giving space to youngsters to articulate their needs and respecting them. With the institutions we have, this can feel an uphill battle - it must be impossible to fully meet the needs of every child in a class of 30. And every day I fail to override the oppression and I treat my children in ways I would rather I didn't, as a parent I feel under resourced to parent the way I'd like to all the time.
And as I said earlier, it's not a populist move, to call for us to look honestly at our own oppressive words and behaviour. I still have way to go myself and where I have been hurt the temptation is to growl and be nasty, or in just trying to get some of my hurt heard, it can come across as being nasty - it is really hard to be around other people's hurt and so when I show a little of mine I run the risk of being judged and rejected, I've noticed I don't do it very often, so if I take the risk and do it around you, I hope you count yourself lucky!! Being around people's hurt presses other peoples buttons and can quickly have folk want to be defensive. And on the other hand I have been brought up with lots of privileges that it really isn't easy to either admit to or undo. In a couple of weeks I'm at a retreat when I can work better on reducing my oppression of the working class folk I'm lucky enough to be close to.
In the meantime I still have plenty of thoughts and feelings to keep working on. It's intriguing that I've wanted to blog at length today on these matters when these aren't what is troubling me most. I guess it's a pet subject that means I can channel my energy effectively. People have no idea what is going on in my head/heart just as I have no idea what is going on in theirs. When things don't feel fair on so many levels for so many people, it can feel disempowering. At least by striving for equality it's an unfairness I can do a little bit about. Unlike death and illness and loss where I just can't.
unpopular ideals
Some of my thinking runs counter to the capitalist/ consumer culture we inhabit, that thrives on exploitation. When I first went on welcoming diversity and prejudice reduction training I came across a concept I'd not heard fully articulated before and have referred to in my blogs but I don't think properly explained.
It is similar to any other oppression, in this case the power exerted is on the basis of age, that simply because someone is an adult they feel entitled to more respect that those who are not (just like as a white middle class heterosexual I've been indoctrinated to believe I'm more important than those who aren't). One interesting facet of this oppression is that it can go two ways. Some adults remember the injustice of being made to do what a "grown up" insisted simply because they said so, and now react against it and so stand up for young people. But many have been robbed of their power in the process and so are resigned to this as just being the way of the world and in some ways wanting to get revenge by continuing the punishment - I had to suffer I don't see why you shouldn't too.
Given our society's obsession with worth being linked to productivity and money, I can see how kids get looked down on. I've been considering how pricing structures can end up justifying attitudes towards people. When discounts are offered to some, is it in recognition that some folk simply can't afford to pay as much as others? A sliding scale of charges working like this makes sense to me. Children, some pensioners, and those in receipt of benefits then get to participate because of subsidising by those who are more able to afford those theatre tickets or whatever the situation is. Where I struggle is if that might validate the view that those people haven't paid as much and so aren't viewed as equal. And I suspect that such pricing is less driven by a desire for wealth redistribution and more about profit, that discounted tickets might entice families who would otherwise stay away.
As well as the sound principle of those who can afford more paying more, there sometimes seems to be sense behind reduced prices for children. Young kids can eat less than adults so it is logical to pay less. I much prefer it tho when that is open to all, so smaller meals available to anyone for whom a small meal suits them, rather than to a limited few - can only those with kids buy kids meals? I was at a service station the other day and my budget didn't run to two adult meals but I was able to play the system and buy a kid's meal as if it were for my daughter only I then had that smaller portion - without salad as kids apparently don't like salad.
Often tho a child may not consume less despite paying less - yes their bottoms are smaller but they still occupy a whole bus or cinema seat. I imagine there's a fixed cinema capacity so no-one would expect a child to give up their seat there, but on a bus I wonder if rates matter when actually to me the orverriding factor should be needs and mutual respect. Having already some days experienced bone weariness, I don't want to imagine what it might be like as I continue to age. I've always been grateful if someone has offered me their seat - particularly if this is based on need rather than identity - so the person who stands up as they're getting off at the next stop anyway, not the man who somehow feels he has less right to comfort due to his testoterone levels. Children often but not always have more energy than adults so it might often make sense for them to give up a seat to someone older, but I don't think that should be an automatic privilege of adulthood. The difficulty is how on earth do we compare needs? We don't know how the other is feeling on a comparative scale with how we are doing. What is important to me won't be priority to you. And how do we work things out when needs seem in direct conflict? So the toddler who has never been to church before has just the same right to be there loudly protesting that sitting still is very boring, and the old man who has sat in the same corner every week for the last 8 decades has exactly the same right to be there and also have his needs respected to be able to hear the sermon with his failing hearing. It's not an easy thing to find the way forwards there without making either feel excluded or less important. It annoys me when I hear "children are the future of the church" - no, they are the church right now. As are the elderly (oppression by age isn't confined to those deemed too young. maybe that's another blog?) We have come a long long way from the era where "children should be seen and not heard" but in my mind we've still not come far enough.
A whole new raft of challenges has opened up to me on becoming a parent, committed to the ideals of ending young people's oppression. I guess at my heart is the belief that my two lovelies are no less important than me even though the temptations are to wave about the accepted norms of power, that I earn more than they do and I have more experience. Clearly I'm not the type to ever utter the words "because I say so" anyway. But I have to be honest, it can get hard. Respect is important to me and key to that is trust - they are both really keen that I demonstrate that I totally trust them. This includes in knowing that only they and not I know what is best for themselves. This can get tough for parents. I have a duty of care which means there are some mistakes I don't want them to learn from - they may want to have the freedom to wander into the road but I know that the consequences of that may not be ones they live to learn from.
There is so much I still could pour out. Only I actually have to work you know. My girly last night in the bathroom painted her toenails using real glitter. Today, despite staying up til 3.30am to discharge some of my feelings, I am delighted to say that I will still be shining - literally :D
It is similar to any other oppression, in this case the power exerted is on the basis of age, that simply because someone is an adult they feel entitled to more respect that those who are not (just like as a white middle class heterosexual I've been indoctrinated to believe I'm more important than those who aren't). One interesting facet of this oppression is that it can go two ways. Some adults remember the injustice of being made to do what a "grown up" insisted simply because they said so, and now react against it and so stand up for young people. But many have been robbed of their power in the process and so are resigned to this as just being the way of the world and in some ways wanting to get revenge by continuing the punishment - I had to suffer I don't see why you shouldn't too.
Given our society's obsession with worth being linked to productivity and money, I can see how kids get looked down on. I've been considering how pricing structures can end up justifying attitudes towards people. When discounts are offered to some, is it in recognition that some folk simply can't afford to pay as much as others? A sliding scale of charges working like this makes sense to me. Children, some pensioners, and those in receipt of benefits then get to participate because of subsidising by those who are more able to afford those theatre tickets or whatever the situation is. Where I struggle is if that might validate the view that those people haven't paid as much and so aren't viewed as equal. And I suspect that such pricing is less driven by a desire for wealth redistribution and more about profit, that discounted tickets might entice families who would otherwise stay away.
As well as the sound principle of those who can afford more paying more, there sometimes seems to be sense behind reduced prices for children. Young kids can eat less than adults so it is logical to pay less. I much prefer it tho when that is open to all, so smaller meals available to anyone for whom a small meal suits them, rather than to a limited few - can only those with kids buy kids meals? I was at a service station the other day and my budget didn't run to two adult meals but I was able to play the system and buy a kid's meal as if it were for my daughter only I then had that smaller portion - without salad as kids apparently don't like salad.
Often tho a child may not consume less despite paying less - yes their bottoms are smaller but they still occupy a whole bus or cinema seat. I imagine there's a fixed cinema capacity so no-one would expect a child to give up their seat there, but on a bus I wonder if rates matter when actually to me the orverriding factor should be needs and mutual respect. Having already some days experienced bone weariness, I don't want to imagine what it might be like as I continue to age. I've always been grateful if someone has offered me their seat - particularly if this is based on need rather than identity - so the person who stands up as they're getting off at the next stop anyway, not the man who somehow feels he has less right to comfort due to his testoterone levels. Children often but not always have more energy than adults so it might often make sense for them to give up a seat to someone older, but I don't think that should be an automatic privilege of adulthood. The difficulty is how on earth do we compare needs? We don't know how the other is feeling on a comparative scale with how we are doing. What is important to me won't be priority to you. And how do we work things out when needs seem in direct conflict? So the toddler who has never been to church before has just the same right to be there loudly protesting that sitting still is very boring, and the old man who has sat in the same corner every week for the last 8 decades has exactly the same right to be there and also have his needs respected to be able to hear the sermon with his failing hearing. It's not an easy thing to find the way forwards there without making either feel excluded or less important. It annoys me when I hear "children are the future of the church" - no, they are the church right now. As are the elderly (oppression by age isn't confined to those deemed too young. maybe that's another blog?) We have come a long long way from the era where "children should be seen and not heard" but in my mind we've still not come far enough.
A whole new raft of challenges has opened up to me on becoming a parent, committed to the ideals of ending young people's oppression. I guess at my heart is the belief that my two lovelies are no less important than me even though the temptations are to wave about the accepted norms of power, that I earn more than they do and I have more experience. Clearly I'm not the type to ever utter the words "because I say so" anyway. But I have to be honest, it can get hard. Respect is important to me and key to that is trust - they are both really keen that I demonstrate that I totally trust them. This includes in knowing that only they and not I know what is best for themselves. This can get tough for parents. I have a duty of care which means there are some mistakes I don't want them to learn from - they may want to have the freedom to wander into the road but I know that the consequences of that may not be ones they live to learn from.
There is so much I still could pour out. Only I actually have to work you know. My girly last night in the bathroom painted her toenails using real glitter. Today, despite staying up til 3.30am to discharge some of my feelings, I am delighted to say that I will still be shining - literally :D
not a holiday
Considering I took the day as annual leave, yesterday was not at all holiday like. Monday was such a glorious day of giving. Yesterday I still managed a lot of positivity towards others but struggled more towards myself - trying to manage a whole heap of hurt whilst staying nice to yourself is no mean feat. Nonetheless I worked hard to stay focussed on what my overall aim is - to remain loving and build rather than destroy relationships. My top tip here is not to direct my anger at those triggering it. Ranting is easy when we're riled up, but the person who happened to invoke those feelings doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of all that got stirred up. Find a friend who will hear your feelings and not get drawn into them, mainly because it's not about them, so they can listen unperturbed and undefended. I'm so grateful to have friends like that :-)Hopefully in just a week or so I'll find out if I'm being made redundant or not. Then I'll know whether I will be able to plan a holiday rather than just use up annual leave. I was glad to see friends and family last year, sleeping in their beds meant a cheap break but it would be good to "get away" this year if I possibly can.
Meanwhile I need to remind myself that there was some productivity in my day off as I had chance to do some of the things I'd been putting off - phoning Virgin to negotiate a better landline deal, starting to organise Christian Aid Week, and even cleaning the bathroom including mopping the floor. Not a day I want to repeat in a while tho so hoping my girly is well enough for school the rest of the week. And then it's half term - more holiday, hurrah!
Tuesday, 10 February 2015
let love shine and we will find a way to come together and make things better
There was a lot about yesterday that was lovely, I connected with a lot of people. Today already isn't the day I thought it would be. A poorly girly that I'm reluctant to leave means I'm glad I have been saving up my annual leave, tho it seems a bit of a shame that it's now getting used up on funerals and sickness. I shall try and do something lovely at some point today so that it feels a little bit holiday like. (I've started by playing Madonna's "Holiday", which is where today's title comes from!)
I've had an affirming email with the words "you could not have been better". These are good words to hear and good things to keep telling each other - who can you tell that to today?
...
I've managed to tell a couple of people, how did you get on?
...
I'm liking a lot of what Elizabeth Gilbert is sharing on facebook. Today she wrote about feeling powerful, that's it's to do with those times we're doing exactly what we want to be doing with our lives:
I've had an affirming email with the words "you could not have been better". These are good words to hear and good things to keep telling each other - who can you tell that to today?
...
I've managed to tell a couple of people, how did you get on?
...
I'm liking a lot of what Elizabeth Gilbert is sharing on facebook. Today she wrote about feeling powerful, that's it's to do with those times we're doing exactly what we want to be doing with our lives:
Power doesn’t have to be fierce. It doesn’t have to be aggressive or combative or cocky. It doesn’t have to tear anything down. It doesn’t have to be in your face. It doesn’t have to be a moment of fist-pumping victory. It doesn’t have to be expensive or monumental. It doesn’t have to make the world explode.
Generally speaking, the deepest kind of power doesn’t have much to do with anyone else at all. Nothing to do with status, nothing to do with reputation, nothing to do with winning.
Because you can achieve all that stuff (status, reputation, victory) and still feel lost as hell.
No, true power comes from standing in your own truth and walking on your own path.
That's it.
When you are operating from that place (standing in your truth; walking on your path) you are the mightiest thing that has ever lived. Nothing can harm you.
And it usually doesn’t even feel exciting! In fact, the moments in my life where I have completely inhabited my own power have been incredibly relaxing — because there is nothing to fight, nothing to prove.
You just ARE, and you have no doubts about what you are, or where you are, or who you are.
Monday, 9 February 2015
brilliance everywhere
Today may or may not be a daffodil day. If I can see some in the shop that are already out, then I can give them away today, otherwise it really doesn't look as good giving out tightly closed buds. Sometimes a random act of kindness is less random and needs forethought. In which case I may buy closed ones ready for them to open for thursday, my next opportunity for hanging out in the park to talk to strangers by giving them flowers.
I met some amazing people whilst in Dorchester. Either I'm just phenomenally lucky and wherever I go there are loving, inspirational people. Or - and I favour this idea - the world is full of awesome people, we just have to see it. Are you surrounded by amazing people right now?? If my theory is correct, then of course you are :D Sometimes, we - and they - are too worn down to be in touch with that and it take a little bit of effort to uncover that sparkling brilliance - but it's there, I know it :D
I met some amazing people whilst in Dorchester. Either I'm just phenomenally lucky and wherever I go there are loving, inspirational people. Or - and I favour this idea - the world is full of awesome people, we just have to see it. Are you surrounded by amazing people right now?? If my theory is correct, then of course you are :D Sometimes, we - and they - are too worn down to be in touch with that and it take a little bit of effort to uncover that sparkling brilliance - but it's there, I know it :D
I was right, my RAK needed planning - I have several more bunches of daffs waiting to bloom before I can give them away. But I was redeemed by some tulips so I put together some small bunches with those, which looked colourful, and some tightly wrapped daffodil buds, and they looked just right for my purposes. I had some ace conversations, including one women who really likes my philosophy of giving :D
Sunday, 8 February 2015
she shall have music wherever she goes
On the long way home yesterday we called to see my grandma, as always. We also went to see my former in laws as we were so near to them. I was given a most beautiful necklace, a Mayan music ball that has another ball or something inside that means it delicately chimes when it is shaken. I really really like it.
Today I had planned to do very little. I've realized tho that I can't make it to church again for several weeks so am going to try and get there now. I'd love to go and see my friends perform this afternoon but am not sure i'll get the children to shift.
And unless I shift right now church isn't going to happen either...
Today I had planned to do very little. I've realized tho that I can't make it to church again for several weeks so am going to try and get there now. I'd love to go and see my friends perform this afternoon but am not sure i'll get the children to shift.
And unless I shift right now church isn't going to happen either...
Saturday, 7 February 2015
more alive
I thought that the funeral would help me accept that Paul really is dead. Yet hearing so much about him throughout the day and chatting round the kitchen table til late at night seems to have made him more alive somehow.
I guess I'll continue to process how I feel for some days. Right now I'm immensely glad I came. I intend to take the journey home very gently.
I'm waiting for my girly. I know teenagers can't be rushed, I remember how toddlers can't be rushed. It's great that children, rightly, have no sense of urgency. Tho frustrating when we have places to go. I wonder if it's a counter to the young people's oppression where they are frequently being told by adults where they haveto be, what they have to do. IIt's a small amount of power they have that no-one can speed them up. I will just have to keep reminding myself that although I wanted to leave an hour ago, we have no absolute deadlines for today....
Home and
I'm so glad I dont have much I have to do these next couple of days.
I guess I'll continue to process how I feel for some days. Right now I'm immensely glad I came. I intend to take the journey home very gently.
I'm waiting for my girly. I know teenagers can't be rushed, I remember how toddlers can't be rushed. It's great that children, rightly, have no sense of urgency. Tho frustrating when we have places to go. I wonder if it's a counter to the young people's oppression where they are frequently being told by adults where they haveto be, what they have to do. IIt's a small amount of power they have that no-one can speed them up. I will just have to keep reminding myself that although I wanted to leave an hour ago, we have no absolute deadlines for today....
Home and
I'm so glad I dont have much I have to do these next couple of days.
Friday, 6 February 2015
it's a long way to tickle Mary
If I meet a Mary today, I shall be tempted to askif iI can tickle her. For anyone not following my sleepy train of thought, it's cos I have the song 'its a long way to Tipperary' in my head the way my boyfriend sometimes sings it. I suspect I'll be looking for humour wherever i can find it today.
And it was a long way. I know the m6 is synonymous with long delays so that was no surprise. What I had less of a clear picture of was how the m5 was one long almost uninterrupted stretch of roadworks. To the extent that we passed more than one sign informing us that due to the proximity if the next roadworks they weren't raising the speed back to national speed limit in between. So that was a bit frustrating and I'm tired now.
We're not the furthest travellers to the funeral by a long way tho. Folk have come from Darlington, south Africa, New Zealand and I think Australia. No doubt I'll find out more as the day progresses. I'm feeling nervous but will be pleased to see folk soon - first breakfast.
... It's been a day! No tickling, tho I did manage to get folk to raise a smile on more than one occasion. I'm really glad I came. I feel wrung out now tho. Someone was over from Washington USA too, so we did well coming from all over. Sleep now.
And it was a long way. I know the m6 is synonymous with long delays so that was no surprise. What I had less of a clear picture of was how the m5 was one long almost uninterrupted stretch of roadworks. To the extent that we passed more than one sign informing us that due to the proximity if the next roadworks they weren't raising the speed back to national speed limit in between. So that was a bit frustrating and I'm tired now.
We're not the furthest travellers to the funeral by a long way tho. Folk have come from Darlington, south Africa, New Zealand and I think Australia. No doubt I'll find out more as the day progresses. I'm feeling nervous but will be pleased to see folk soon - first breakfast.
... It's been a day! No tickling, tho I did manage to get folk to raise a smile on more than one occasion. I'm really glad I came. I feel wrung out now tho. Someone was over from Washington USA too, so we did well coming from all over. Sleep now.
Thursday, 5 February 2015
preparation
I've only seen my boyfriend twice so far this year :( He's coming over today tho, not only to check my car in preparation for its long journey, but is also going to take my son to his drumming lesson and then look after the dog until I'm back on Saturday. I'm very grateful.
Yesterday was very hectic, the last day in my main job for a few days. Today will hopefully allow for a bit more time to prepare - I have some bits of work to sort before running group, but mainly want to get myself together so that we can leave pretty much as soon as my girly gets back from school. So far all I've done is throw into a suitcase every black item of clothing that I own. Actually that's not true - I've done loads of preparation, booking the hotel, trying to have early nights, thinking and planning - that's all preparation.
Yesterday was very hectic, the last day in my main job for a few days. Today will hopefully allow for a bit more time to prepare - I have some bits of work to sort before running group, but mainly want to get myself together so that we can leave pretty much as soon as my girly gets back from school. So far all I've done is throw into a suitcase every black item of clothing that I own. Actually that's not true - I've done loads of preparation, booking the hotel, trying to have early nights, thinking and planning - that's all preparation.
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
cheerleaders
My weekly counsellor tells me on a regular basis that I'm doing well. There have been weeks when I've struggled to believe the truth in that, but it has boosted me to know that she can see it even when I can't totally feel it. 'you're doing really well' is a phrase I'm using a lot at the moment. I'm aware tho that the more specific we can be, the easier it is for it to be heard. I shall try and let folk know exactly where I see them doing well. There's a fischy song I've long loved with the line 'you can build up or you can tear down'. Everyday I'm presented with Many opportunities where I could be critical or affirming. I watch the impact when I see others make similar choices - the kind word that lifts another's spirit, the exasperated shout that punctures.
I love the cheerleaders I have in my life. Those that both tell and show me that they think I'm ace. None of them wave pompoms, they all cheer in slightly different ways tho no less subtle than chants in a sports arena. I try and remember not to take them for granted, tho the main way I show my appreciation is cheering them on too :-)
Who leads your cheer? Who is in that team of people reminding you they are behind you all the way? And if you need more, get recruiting - I've found the best way to get brilliant cheerleaders is to model how you'd like it done!! And when someone lifts me up in a particular way I try and make a mental note as that's probably the way they'd like to be cheered on themselves B-)
I love the cheerleaders I have in my life. Those that both tell and show me that they think I'm ace. None of them wave pompoms, they all cheer in slightly different ways tho no less subtle than chants in a sports arena. I try and remember not to take them for granted, tho the main way I show my appreciation is cheering them on too :-)
Who leads your cheer? Who is in that team of people reminding you they are behind you all the way? And if you need more, get recruiting - I've found the best way to get brilliant cheerleaders is to model how you'd like it done!! And when someone lifts me up in a particular way I try and make a mental note as that's probably the way they'd like to be cheered on themselves B-)
Tuesday, 3 February 2015
dusting the titanic
We have a large model of the titanic on the windowsill at the top of the stairs. For ages now the whole area has needed a big dust. Yesterday I did it and it only took a couple of minutes. I don't know why I can't seem to get round to that kind of thing more often - it always looks so much better when done. I used my standard approach to delicate items and blew the dust off it. Unfortunately several of the loose foam pieces came off as well but hopefully no-one will notice unless they come to float it (no need for a punchline I'm sure you're already there).
I can't shake the feeling that I ought to be doing more (more of everything, but particularly more getting on top of the house. That turn of phrase now has me picturing scrambling up the side of the house spidey style, so I can proudly stand on the rooftiles). So am trying to shoehorn some extra chores in before leaving for work in a few minutes.
I can't shake the feeling that I ought to be doing more (more of everything, but particularly more getting on top of the house. That turn of phrase now has me picturing scrambling up the side of the house spidey style, so I can proudly stand on the rooftiles). So am trying to shoehorn some extra chores in before leaving for work in a few minutes.
Monday, 2 February 2015
just the way you are
It's a clever balance, to love people just the way they already are, and encourage them to try new ways of being rather than their default modes, if indeed that's what they'd like to do.
"It's just the way I am" can be an excuse for behaviour that doesn't do themselves or anyone else any favours but to suggest they should be/do any different can be a rejection. So what to do? Well I guess a start is asking people if just cos that's the way they've always done it, does it mean that's the way they want to do it - maybe they do, in which case there's nothing more we can do right now - change only comes from within, not from someone badgering us to just do it differently (their way?!) If someone is keen to try something different then a bit of light encouragement - what could happen if they tried something a teeny bit different this time? What are they worried might happen? What is getting in the way of trying it differently?
We've done things a certain way for a long time cos it's served us well. We may want to change but it requires an override of a well worn groove. Go gently on us as we try to alter a bit about ourselves -( for me currently it's to be a bit less 'on call' , my modus operandi I'm trying to play around with).
And whether we or they decide to stick with the ways we know well, there's everything to be gained by the reminder that we're loved just the way we are B-) that we will not be loved any more if we become the epitome of relaxation, or that anyone will be disappointed in us if we stay on call forever :-)
"It's just the way I am" can be an excuse for behaviour that doesn't do themselves or anyone else any favours but to suggest they should be/do any different can be a rejection. So what to do? Well I guess a start is asking people if just cos that's the way they've always done it, does it mean that's the way they want to do it - maybe they do, in which case there's nothing more we can do right now - change only comes from within, not from someone badgering us to just do it differently (their way?!) If someone is keen to try something different then a bit of light encouragement - what could happen if they tried something a teeny bit different this time? What are they worried might happen? What is getting in the way of trying it differently?
We've done things a certain way for a long time cos it's served us well. We may want to change but it requires an override of a well worn groove. Go gently on us as we try to alter a bit about ourselves -( for me currently it's to be a bit less 'on call' , my modus operandi I'm trying to play around with).
And whether we or they decide to stick with the ways we know well, there's everything to be gained by the reminder that we're loved just the way we are B-) that we will not be loved any more if we become the epitome of relaxation, or that anyone will be disappointed in us if we stay on call forever :-)
the real danger
Walking to church yesterday with my son, I said hello to a passing stranger. His hello back seemed addressed to us both so my son then said hello, and after I congratulated him on being polite and friendly. I then wondered how this contradicts the 'stranger danger' message so discussed it with him. I'm all for trusting our own instinct if we don't feel safe, and encouraging our littlies to be in touch with that too. But for me the greater danger is if we teach our children not to interact. I was once carried home by a stranger who picked me up when I split my head open on a lamppost in a botched trust game. I wonder if he'd do the same in today's scared society?
There's an ace question on facebook - starting with the statement "There's no way I was born to just pay bills and die" she asks what you think you were born to do, and what today are you doing towards that? My answer was that I'm born to love and I get tons of opportunities to do that. Today doesn't have too much work in it, so I will have time to contact people. I also have several bags of arty crafty stuff cleared from the cupboard - we don't need playdough cutters anymore. Hopefully I'll find new homes for them today too. My new surname is Lovelovelove, just like surnames have in the past been based around people's occupation. I have no doubt what my occupation is :D
I like this:
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/01/29/trans-man-rejected-by-his-catholic-church-so-pope-francis-invites-him-to-the-vatican-for-a-hug-video/
There's an ace question on facebook - starting with the statement "There's no way I was born to just pay bills and die" she asks what you think you were born to do, and what today are you doing towards that? My answer was that I'm born to love and I get tons of opportunities to do that. Today doesn't have too much work in it, so I will have time to contact people. I also have several bags of arty crafty stuff cleared from the cupboard - we don't need playdough cutters anymore. Hopefully I'll find new homes for them today too. My new surname is Lovelovelove, just like surnames have in the past been based around people's occupation. I have no doubt what my occupation is :D
I like this:
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/01/29/trans-man-rejected-by-his-catholic-church-so-pope-francis-invites-him-to-the-vatican-for-a-hug-video/
Sunday, 1 February 2015
fleeting
I'm 750 pages into my cathedral building book now, it clearly has some allure for me to get so far, but there is just so much death in it (what did I expect, it is the middle ages). Last night it made me sad, just how fleeting our existence is. How so many of the people in the book are doing what they ought to, not what they want to.
Yesterday I did a lot of what I wanted to, several Skype calls in the morning and a lovely evening out with my boy. Today some of the ought to's will have to take priority or we'll have no clean trays to cook on!!
Apparently yesterday was Thomas Merton's 100th birthday. I like this quote from him:
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." —Thomas Merton
I think it's important to love people for who they are, not who we'd like them to be. I shall be reminding myself of this, tho my main task today is to think up 7 interesting facts about myself. Given that all I've got so far is that I'm left handed like most of the other females in my family, this might take a bit of work...
Yesterday I did a lot of what I wanted to, several Skype calls in the morning and a lovely evening out with my boy. Today some of the ought to's will have to take priority or we'll have no clean trays to cook on!!
Apparently yesterday was Thomas Merton's 100th birthday. I like this quote from him:
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." —Thomas Merton
I think it's important to love people for who they are, not who we'd like them to be. I shall be reminding myself of this, tho my main task today is to think up 7 interesting facts about myself. Given that all I've got so far is that I'm left handed like most of the other females in my family, this might take a bit of work...
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