Daily Fail

My friend was asked an impossible question, about describing the backgrounds of some youngsters he's working with. No matter what descriptors he'd used to answer - maybe class, or race, or where they live, it would have involved sweeping generalisations. He spoke of their circumstances, and I knew he meant no ill of the two of us there who are single parents, or my Dad who battled with alcoholism whilst raising me. We all use short hand to try and paint pictures. And of course our circumstances often impact upon our opportunities and outcomes. It can be really hard to separate out situations from the people in them. Poverty and institutionalised injustices such as the ATOS system, need flagging up. Where people are struggling around money, addiction, health issues, or emotional insecurity, the impact is likely to be felt by wider families and communities and we all need to speak out and take action. But how do we do this without the scapegoating that can happen in the media, that children are suffering because they have single parents, or are on benefits, etc etc?
Every single one of us has our own battles that can affect how well we parent/contribute to society/feel about ourselves - some of these struggles are more public than others. Most of our situations are not ones of our own making - we don't choose ill health, or can feel forced into poor decisions about our health that have later consequences (such as insufficient support to get breastfeeding off to a good start or consider it a possibility; peer pressure to smoke, and so on). I didn't choose to be a single parent and that wound is still very much unhealed, so I know I'm massively sensitive and defensive about it. (And even if we actively choose situations, judgements don't help any of us.) Like every other human being in whatever circumstance, I am doing my best, and don't wish myself or my children to be judged by the label.

I once witnessed a very powerful coming together of two Irish people who were desperate to know the backgrounds of the other, a quick yet so deep labelling as to Catholic or Protestant. The amazing leader encouraged them to stand before one another and feel how scary it was not to know, and all that that meant. To try to get to know someone irrespective of their labels and history.

I'm really glad my friend is working with the youngsters he's chosen to be with. He's ace at showing love for people even when they're not so keen on showing any love themselves. He's both bothered as to what has gone on in a person's life beforehand - he'll listen til the cows come home/sirens stop blaring (for a more accurately urban image). But also he's not bothered - he knows a person's background doesn't limit our potential, needn't prevent us from interacting as equals with any other person on the planet, and I know he'll help show them that, when others might not. They are lucky kids :D