midnight feast

If anyone feels I'm being melodramatic, then I'd like to say It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to ;) I do _know_ people have ops all the time and it's absolutely fine for them. But I'm still feeling v scared by the very loud doubt in my head that goes BUT WHAT IF I DON'T WAKE UP? and that's fine, it's how I feel. It's been an interesting day - I've discovered it's hard to live each day as if it's your last cos that's too flipping emotive and I wouldn't be able to eat cos how do you swallow food if you are that churned up? How on earth do people enjoy their last supper before the electric chair? A friend invited me round for a brew, which was perfect as I happened to be doing a home visit almost next door. She offered me an apple which I declined - if it is my last day I'd much rather be eating cake, so have brought something nice and chocolatey to share with the kids when they get home. I'm allowed to eat til midnight so am planning on a midnight feast - as my daughter said, the sort that she has, i.e. at 11 cos it's too hard to stay up til midnight itself.
I've been advised that general anaesthetic can make your mind cloudy, so I would like to apologise now for the nonsensical blog that I shall next post. (See, I've also spent the day planning things for the next few days cos then I will HAVE to wake up and not succumb to the delight of not being in control and so not bothering to wake up).

I have several books in order to complete my son's library reading challenge, and bookmarks they've made and a postcard from a friend. Tho as another friend pointed out, I shall probably end up listening to the worries of the others there - that's certainly what happened at my pre-op :)
See you on the other side. Big love xx