raw

I heard on the radio yesterday that Maslow's hierarchy of needs has been revised and at the top they now suggest it's about finding a partner, having children with them and keeping them for life. For those of us for whom this isn't possible, I guess we have to stick with self actuation, which generally I do pretty well with.

However, my hurt is so raw at the moment I can almost feel it bristling from my skin, sparking like static. Friends have been fab, helping to remind me of what is good – we all need people who can encourage us and keep us grounded in the reality of our loveliness when we're overwhelmed by the fear, the old unhealed doubts. I'm aware that I wouldn't like to be in the public eye, where people feel able to constantly say stuff about a person that is untrue or unkind. I don't get the allure of fame and maybe that's because I realise so much of the attention would not be positive. We live in a world where it seems ok to be critical, where in trying to build up a person we think it's ok to tear down anyone else, as if that's how we big people up, by making out they're better than someone else. Compassion for all seems so much more logical to me - being thoughtful towards everyone whether they first appear to be saint or sinner, doing well or getting it wrong big style. I've learned about leadership oppression where people get attacked just for taking leadership – I certainly would be reluctant to put myself forwards for something cos being got at is not nice. Of course I know the answer is not to take to heart what people say or think – whether someone says we're fantastic, or shit, what actually matters is holding onto the truth for ourselves that we are doing the best we can and that that is good enough.