Blessings in disguise?

25 years ago, someone said to me they they felt I was a blessing sent from God. I'm sure it's different for different people, but for me saying something like that was a brilliant affirmation. My confidence took a big knock last week and I'm still trying to pick myself up from it and I realise it's in part linked to this. It's really important to me to make a positive difference – it's why I do what I do for my paid work, and it's why I do what I do with the rest of my time too. So to face the fact that sometimes I have a negative impact is hard – and yet inevitable. Just by existing I consume resources which has consequences. Things I say and do can trigger people's hurts even if I have the best of intentions. So I do need to come to terms that I cannot and will not always be a force for good, no matter how much I would like to be. And I notice that I'm not so harsh on others as myself (a lesson I'm still trying to learn) - I do know it's all about being not doing. And I'm aware that our impact happens outside of our control, and so something I do that may initially seem to have a negative effect may then go on to be the trigger for something amazing.

I am thoughtful, I don't go around acting irresponsibly and I intend to continue with my reflective way of trying to do the best I can. And I need to let go of feeling guilty about the chain reactions I initiate. I am convinced that we are all blessings whether that's easy to see at first or not...