Irritating?

For around 4 years I've really struggled with irritated ears – I'm forever scratching inside them which frustrates my boyfriend no end. Sometimes I manage to remove some dead skin or wax and feel a moment of satisfaction, but mainly I make it worse and sometimes I hurt the skin so much I can't sleep. I've tried various things from the doctor but nothing has helped. I am terrified that one day I'll do myself some permanent damage – listening to people and listening to music/singing is pretty much my life and I don't want to imagine life without them (and that's not a lesson I need to have disproved, thanks). But that fear doesn't prevent me from scratch scratch scratching – I have no discipline and can't stop myself.

My boyfriend has also pointed out that I have a rubbish conflict avoidance strategy. It's true – again, I have no patience and will scratch at stuff and sometimes make it worse. So maybe I need discipline and patience there too. I think that much as I don't like conflict, my natural inclination is not to avoid it, I can't let it be but worry away at it, working out what I can do to move the situation forwards rather than let that conflict eat away at all of us involved, or leave it unresolved - life feels too short to live it in any way other than love delight and harmony with one another. Some people see me as tenacious and courageous. Others stupid. A theory of co-counselling is that there is nothing that has to separate us from one another. No matter how irritating my scratching is to others I shall hold onto that hope whilst I learn new ways of healing.