you are deeply loved

I started writing this blog around 1.30am, kept awake by pesky gerbils, only couldn't find the quotes I was looking for and eventually opted for sleep instead, Hurrah.

It's still ringing in my ears now, from the prayers on Sunday, the fact that we are deeply loved. Whilst I know at one level that it is true, the struggle to actually believe it is immense. I've been putting it down to trouble trusting, given the failed promise to be loved for better or worse. But if I'm really honest, I think the doubt goes much further back. A wise friend shared recently that we will always feel lonely as total connection is impossible. I don't remember the full gist and it sounds pessimistic writing it now rather than citing the actual poet who will have eloquently explained it. Anyhow whilst the gerbils keep me awake fretting about the the meaning of life I still feel a sense that it's what the church is supposed to be about, and it's what I'm supposed to be about. To keep insisting that every one of us is deeply loved. I know I've blogged about this before but one of my fears is that I'll have let my own stuff and doubts get in the way of communicating that to some folk. One of my gorgeous friends the other day told me (unprompted) that I love deeply, so I know some people see it. I'm just not perfect is all.
The temptation I think, is to imagine that it is possible to be deeply loved by one person as if that would fix the hole created by the doubt. My counsellor today pointed out that the reality is I'm deeply loved EVERYWHERE. As are you. Yes there's all kinds of stuff that gets in the way so we only get tarnished glimpses which leaves us dubious. My own dim mirror means I reflect some of the truth to people some of the time and I want to keep polishing so I can reflect better. And I sometimes try and pin it down for myself and get wobbly cos all of us are imperfect so no single person is going to be able to consistently show we are deeply loved. That doesn't mean they have failed, or that we are not deeply loved, just that it's not shown at its clearest in that instance.
I liked this quote from Pip Wilson, a man who also strives to love every single human being deeply. I hope you today get to experience love in its many manifestations :)

http://www.pipwilson.com/2014/12/i-dont-want-to-send-cliche-wishes.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+pipwilsonbhp+%28Pip+Wilson+bhp+......+blog%29