countdown

I have fond memories of the advent calendars of my childhood. Not the chocolate ones, I'm a girl of simple pleasures, but the little windows and perforated card and the picture beneath. It feels far too wasteful to do one as an adult and to be honest the countdown has changed. It would no longer be about the anticipation of an exciting day. I suspect if I did an advent calendar now it would only mark the crossing off of how few days I have left to sort things out. That's a shame really.
There's lots I am looking forward to, particularly going to see my parents beforehand. I feel I'm on a bit of a countdown this week, the last of the school term. There's usually some pockets of unallocated time but this week seems to have lots assigned - crammed into evenings as well as by day. I've managed to get a slot at the garage this afternoon for them to fix my light on the way back from some training I'm running, so that's good.
My aim is to enjoy each minute and not feel as if I'm just getting through until I can relax at the weekend - as that's not how I think life is supposed to be lived. Hope you are celebrating the now too!

....
AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm beginning to doubt if we can make the mortgage deadline in time. I rang my current provider today and found that something else has expired so am now having to chase that, with someone whose phone is currently not working so it simply might just not happen. What is it I'm supposed to be learning here? That I have to keep hope right til the last moment? That sometimes I just have to give up and with all the good will in the world if something isn't going to happen it's not going to happen?
The garage also couldn't fix the car so that's rescheduled for wednesday.
I could cry. And have, lots.
I have a friend who says that if something is proving too difficult maybe it's just not meant to be. Maybe I'm not supposed to own this house? So what am I meant to be doing instead? Is now the time to be joining the convent? Setting up a community? Running away to a scottish island?