the whole of the moon

Twice this week now I've finally been able to walk the dog upon my return home at 9.30pm, having worked and sorted children and sung. Both times the dog has been desperate to finally get his walk and then bewildered as to why we have stuck to well lit paths and he has stayed on his lead rather than galloping free across the (totally dark) field. Now maybe his eyesight is better than mine; maybe he's not bound in the same way that I am and doesn't let practicalities limit following his desires. Or maybe he has no sense of consequence and for him anyway it would be no big deal to spend hours trying to find him or a ball without a light source. Whatever, I've felt that he has been disappointed, when I have wanted him instead to feel gratitude that despite my wanting to crawl to bed (my head hurts), I've instead gone out of my way to give him (a bit of ) what he wants. I do understand his disappointment and it's not his fault that I can't take him on long long walks every day - part of me would love to be able to do that. And not giving him what he'd like leaves us both unhappy. That mismatch happens frequently I find - I don't know if it's the dissatisfaction we often feel cos we're told to deserve more, that longing that keeps us as ongoing consumers rather than sated. Or maybe we do all deserve more and I just don't have enough of me to give in all my various role juggling (dog owner isn't high up my list really).

Maybe we all have differing perspectives on what we deserve, or on what is enough, or what is normal (as if normal were a good thing, I've never been a fan of normal. Did I tell you I used to wear a badge that said "why be normal." I always wore it upside down).

I heard the waterboys hit "whole of the moon" on the radio today and it reminded me that we all have our different perspectives. I don't think we do get to see the whole of the moon in most people - we just don't fully know what they're going through, so we just get to see a bit. Yet also I think we don't always get to remember the fullness of our own moon. Sometimes our doubt clouds our sense of who we are, our potential, our brilliance. At times like that I find it useful to get a hand from someone lovely who can help remind me of the aspects I've lost sight of. At those times others may have the clearer picture, or help listen to us so we can get back in touch with the fuller sense of who we are. I'm glad of those who help me do this. If you've not got a good supply of people who already do this for you, start training some folk up now to keep reminding you of your shininess. They are ace people to have around :D