non violent communication

http://www.upworthy.com/its-probably-one-of-the-best-reactions-you-can-give-to-someone-who-doesnt-like-you?c=ufb2

It was good to watch this late last night. After a day with lots of opportunities to practice, this is a good reminder of how I'd like to respond to conflict. Conflict with strangers with a grudge, and conflict when people who really like you act like they don't like you at all. I particularly admire the guy's response when called names, being got at for being American. Rather than get defensive he uncovered more of the hurt and made sure it was heard. It really is that simple and that difficult.
I'm lucky enough to know a fair few people who teach and practice non violent communication. So as much as I am able, when people bring their outrage to me I try to understand it. That is way easier said than done tho. Our own hurts, disappointments and doubts can't half get in the way. Of course the loving thing to do is not take it personally and stay focussed on the person who is trying to share of themselves with you. Every time I manage that even a little bit I need to celebrate. It can be blooming hard tho, cos we are all interrelated and other people's shouting, and usually the things they are shouting about, can impact upon us. I definitely want to model myself on those with such big hearts that they can stay in and respond compassionately, who instead of hearing "you're not wanted here" (or whatever your own particular button is) actually hear the fear in the other person's shouting and can hold out to them that yes their needs haven't been met and so of course they are not happy. In the example above it was a stranger. I think it's harder still with loved ones as there is history there, and perhaps less holding back?! People do what they need to do - shout, pretend, run away, use stuff to numb out - we all handle our hurts as best we can. Today I shall be holding some of my own up to the light to give them some perspective, maybe give them a gentle stroke, and see if I can then leave them behind in exchange for school shoes at tescos. Those silly strategies are often the best ;)

... Some success at Tesco tho they wouldn't trade in my troubles. Will see if I can leave them at church this evening, hopefully there will be a friend or two willing to help ease them off my shoulders via some tears, laughter, hugs and a good sing.