In the middle of the night I was woken abruptly by the hamsters in the next room, though somehow managed to incorporate the noise into my dream. As consciousness seeped in, I was aware that in my dream I knew whatever it is I need to know to make sense of life and feel content. That it was OK and I didn't have to fret. Now, whatever it is, I couldn't fix it in my mind to keep a knowledge of once I was awake. It would be easy to feel a sadness that it had slipped from my grasp, but I don't want to feel that way. Whatever it is, at some level I must know it, even if I can't articulate it. So I'm going to try to hold onto that. I might not have the magic answer if anyone asks me, but can I trust that it is there? Do I need to know what it is to put it into practice? I hope not. I suspect the dream was in response to my going to bed sad and unsettled after a day of feeling lots of change and fears of loss. If the hamsters hadn't disturbed me at that precise moment, I might not have got to realise that I do have a deep inner sense of knowing it's going to be alright even as things on the surface shift. I'm not going to make a fortune writing a book with the answer to life the universe and everything (and the answer surely will differ from person to person). But I am going to keep singing a lot of the fab gospel songs I sang yesterday :)
(and buy myself lots of dahlias)
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