helping grieving friends

I think this is a really helpful piece on useful things we can do to support those we love who are grieving:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-devine/death-and-dying_b_4329830.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

I want to particularly pick up on the practical bits. Like not doing anything irreversible without checking first. I once had someone, with the best will in the world, try to help me by pulling up some weeds, but it was what _they_ thought would be useful and I was gutted by what they did as I'd promised the seeds to my Dad. I was just a little hormonal at the time, but imagine if you helped someone by clearing some litter that turned out to be the last things the dead loved one had touched, or washed clothes that still had the smell of that loved one.

There's a current song I quite like the harmonies of, but it includes the line "but I know what's right for you" and I struggle cos I don't think we ever know what's right for someone else. It's always worth asking them first what they think is right for them. What's interesting to me tho, is hearing a couple of times this year now, that when we are really struggling, we may well not have a clue what's right for us, or what we need. And so when someone says "call me if you want anything" that's not particularly helpful, as the person just won't call cos they're not in a place to.

I've partly blogged on this so I have this list to look at next time someone I love loses someone dear to them. Some of it is what I already know - not fixing, simply being alongside in the pain and not promising that things will feel better etc. But it's so useful to have this set out clearly. As well as sharing it on fb, which I have, I wonder what else I could do to share this. Wouldn't it be fab if everyone learned this kind of stuff in schools?? Way more useful than say quadratic equations, if you ask me... (tho they have their place, for those that use them, clearly).