subjectivity

Yesterday's thought processes involved wishing there was a camera filming my life so others would understand me better. That wish that if only people knew what I was doing, maybe they would get my motivations, my struggles. Only then I realised that even the best documentary, even if my every thought could be recorded, still would be received subjectively. That we understand things through our own lenses. So someone might get a really thorough glimpse into my life but still interpret it through their own experiences, so have no sympathy at all.
My desire to be appreciated and understood is very strong. I've built my faith round it - the concept of God I choose is someone who knows me thoroughly and thinks I'm doing great.

The film crew would have had an interesting day, my life isn't dull that's for sure. I don't think it would make nationwide worthy viewing tho. It's not a day I'd like to repeat. I'm working this eve, and working on Sunday, it feels like I'm working all the time at the moment and it doesn't even add up to full time.

I often tell people that nothing is wasted. Today it's hard to feel the truth in that. I've recently spent many many hours looking at cars only to not get one. And then last week my every waking moment planning a holiday that is not going to come to fruition.With my time feeling scarce at the moment, it's hard to practice what I preach as it all just feels like it was time spent in vain.
Maybe i was right. The searching for a holiday hasn't been pointless. I've booked it.