just be

The main focus of my life whilst at university centred around the chaplaincy. It was a converted house, with offices upstairs for the various lovely chaplains (one of whom I emailed only last night) and downstairs was the room where lots of us hung out, had our bread and cheese lunches, and consumed many a cup of tea. It's where I met my former husband, and I still am in touch with several of the wonderful people I formed friendships with there. There was also the chapel, a basic room that in many ways was not chapel like at all. When things were troubling me I would go there for some space and maybe a cry, and occasionally one of my friends would go and play on the piano and I'd sing along.
I'm off in a moment to go and run a supervision session, but have worked out that if I can, I'd like to go and hang out in a church for a while this afternoon. There's one just a minute's walk away so I'll try that first. I need to take a bit of time and space just to be with God a while, to cry, to rage, to work a few things through. There are things I don't think i can work out, as there is no way of resolving them, there is no sense to be made of it and that's not what I want to do.
I know I don't _have_ to go to church to do this. I don't think God is any more present in a church building than S/he is if I were to sit in my bedroom next to the hoover. But the presence of the hoover would be a distraction, whereas in church it feels I have more ability to just be for a while.

...
How can I never have noticed before just how ornate the church ceiling is?? This isn't the one I go to on a Sunday but I've still been there well over a hundred times.