love and needs

I have been reflecting much of late on some wisdom shared by a friend. He described a circle of grace, whereby we love without expectation of gain. This contrasts with a circle of grief, when we will struggle if we are needing something in return and don't get it, if we're asking why do we do this, it can end in tears.
Unconditional love when we love and don't need anything back can sometimes be easy - particularly when we are not in ongoing relationships with them as that's when buttons can get pressed.
And yet we are all needy people, I wonder if it is possible to not sometimes need to have those needs met. Would relationships flourish if it was solely about unconditional love? I suspect there will be something in the other person that meets a need in us, otherwise would we perhaps not make connections at all. But what happens when our needs change and we no longer find our needs met by that person?
Another friend blogged this week about love being a choice not a feeling. I agree that we decide to love people, that decision may come from all kind of influences. Maybe some of our relationships start out as need-meeting and then by the time our needs change we are loving them for who they are not what they bring to our relationship. And I also know that if a relationship no longer meets the needs of the people involved, love can involve letting people go so their needs can be better met elsewhere. Tho part of me wonders if some of the needs we feel we need meeting by others are in fact things we need to meet for ourselves. So yes I have a need for companionship but part of that need I could address myself by looking at why I struggle with my own company.
So far the conclusion I've reached is that Love, I think, is a doing word that turns into a being word B-)