I was asked an ace question yesterday - "why does it hurt so much?" It's ace cos it can help the person look at just what is hard, and it's ace cos it simultaneously acknowledges the hurt. As always, I guess tone is key, as asked with incredulity, it would be undermining. Asked tenderly, it's great. My challenge for today is to try and ask everyone questions with tenderness.
Lots of people recognise just how kind and lovely I am, and tell me, which I appreciate. Sometimes people bring their stuff to me and aim it at me cos they know I'm a safe space, and whilst I'm not perfect and handle parts of it unhelpfully, in the main I am compassionate and don't retaliate. Sometimes tho I can then get to a place of feeling unappreciated for this, so it then gives rise to the question why do I do it. I'm aware that I partly am kind because I want people to think what a nice person I am. So when it isn't appreciated I can, momentarily, get aggrieved. The next question is then if it's not appreciated, should I bother. And I think the answer still has to be yes, because whilst affirmation is nice, the reason I am kind is because I think it's the best thing to be. So yes there are times when I think I "deserve" people to be kinder. But I believe EVERYONE deserves kindness. And maybe those lashing out need kindness above all else or else they wouldn't be lashing out. That's hard tho. It's much easier to be kind when people are nice to you first/in return. I guess it's why I surround myself with kind and generous people, so that I have an overflow for the people who are struggling.
I've already not quite lived up to my high ideals, but today still has lots of interaction with others - work, vets, parenting - so lots more chances to treat everyone tenderly, whether they are friendly or not :D
No comments:
Post a Comment