physical bond

I'm going to a party tomorrow night. I'm looking forwards to it, tho hate going to things on my own so will see how that goes. I really didn't want to miss choir tho having not sung with either choir for over 2 weeks, so am going there first. Need the hugs as well as the singing. A bad week to miss out on singing - I've found it hard but the end is nearly in sight. And it has been lovely to have far more time than usual in my boyfriend's company.
Being apart from the children is an actual physical loss as I'm such a touchy feely kind of person. Speaking on the phone is in no way the same. I wonder if this is a mother thing. In my line of work we talk of the breastfeeding unit as a dyad - neither mum nor babe can be seen in isolation as it's the combination of them together in which feeding happens. Throughout pregnancy, mum and baby have been physically connected and when the umbillical cord is cut that connection is severed, but I would suggest that the joining is imprinted on both mother and child for some time. Babies are fully dependant on adults for a good while, and the growing independence, whilst joyful and necessary, is still also a loss on both parts, the constant holding and showering kisses on their heads giving way to ever widening exploration. I can't begin to imagine what it's like to lose a child through death, or adoption, or separation, and no longer have any contact.
Of course, their going away also triggers lots of unresolved stuff for me on loss generally - I miss friends who have moved away and have moments of finding it so difficult to celebrate that what is (roasted cauliflower soup with parsnip and rosemary bread, yum!) as I get stuck in the what-is-no-more.
Having a "project" has helped (tho note to self, I don't like using a roller to paint. I couldn't find the handle to the paint pad but next time must buy one cos it's infinitely more even) and better still was taking flowers to people.And being in the midst of a great book is essential :D
Best get back to the lilac walls, I only popped down for a different CD...

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I didn't finish using up the paint in the tray (my signal to stop) til 1am. My dreams - til the dog woke me two hours later - were of yet more painting... Good job tonight there will be partying - hopefully my dream will then be a whole lot more fun!!