forgiven?

The dog sleeps in my bed with me at night and it's a redeeming feature of what can often feel a tricky set up. I love his soft ears and reassuring presence. So it's been tough not having him to cuddle up to of late. I don't know if it's the heat, or if he was blaming me for his hurt paw, or needed to retreat because of the pain, but for two nights I missed him, particularly as there has been no-one else in the house. Last night he joined me again and I'm glad and feel forgiven.
I was chatting with a friend about blame. He speculated that dogs don't understand where the pain has come from so blame the nearest person. I said that people sometimes do that too. Hurting is horrible and we're often keen to be able to blame someone else for how we're feeling. Insurance companies and lawyers make a ton of money out of that process, and family arguments are plentiful as we seek to share out the hurt.
And it's really hard not to get sucked into that process. I know I'm not alone in detesting being criticised, so everytime it happens I get hurt and struggle. It happened recently, an email telling me to do something differently so it would work better and I was immediately in that place of "fine, if they don't like the way I do it I'm not going to do it again, they can find some other willing person who can do it, don't they understand how my life is and that I'm doing my best etc etc." (I got over it in a moment or two, and could see the validity of their criticism, but it was interesting to note my reaction). I see it happen when I comment on others too, and they feel it as a rejection of who they are, and up go the defence walls.
I don't know how to do it differently. How do we get to be in relationship with others and share how something impacts on us without implying that the other person is anything less than wonderful - which they are? I guess I just get to focus on my own reactions cos I can't control theirs. So when I am criticised, I get to notice what comes up for me - hurrah,  I've identified where I still need to work on my hurts. And when I interact with others who are hurt by my criticisms, I again get to notice what comes up for me - oh no, I hate hurting others, and I know how awful it is to feel like we're not accepted just the way we are. And then remember in both cases, that we're all doing our best and that's enough.

Today has a gaping stretch of time on my own before going out this evening, so I'll be writing a list of stuff to do, cos there always is stuff to do. Hope you enjoy yours.