co-operative cores

I'm lucky to know a diversity of people and get to hear a good range of viewpoints. I've noticed that some people think we're fundamentally selfish at core. Capitalism clearly encourages that viewpoint, the idea of competition, being in it for ourselves, divide and rule. I am really pleased to know a lot of people who counter this culture. I'm delighted to be part of a counselling community that sees us as social, co-operative beings. I've been on the receiving end of delicious Unconditional Positive Regard that trusts that in helping me to work out what's right for me, that the "rightness" would never be at the expense of others. That actually, it's when I feel secure in myself that I will do what's right for the other human beings around me as well as myself, as those two things will not be at odds.  I'd contend that it's only when we act out of our hurt and confusion that we become selfish - the fear wins and we go into protection mode, or default to old ways of survival that aren't necessarily in our best or other's best interests. I believe no-one knows us, and knows what's right for us, better than ourselves - but our hurts can fog our thinking and so sometimes we need a hand to help free us up from our confusion. We don't need someone to tell us what to do, we need space to heal and work through our own decision making process.

The times when a good counsellor gives me space to work out what's right for me, that's when I'm most effective - at being me, and at being a happily co-existing human who is then in my power to fully participate in community building, challenge injustice, and to love others.

Doing what is right for us may not always be the most enjoyable thing - it certainly isn't usually a hedonistic thing! And doing the right thing can sometimes bring grief rather than pleasure. Today I received an abusive reaction from the driver behind who was not happy that I was keeping to the speed limit. I was temporarily annoyed and then wondered if they were trying to get to the hospital in a hurry or something that I have no awareness of. I can be so kind :)

People can get confused by doing what is right for them, and think it's simply "pleasing themselves." I realise people perhaps don't spend as much time contemplating the "right thing" as I do ;) If we don't stop to think what is right, we may carry on with old patterns that have served us well but may not still be what's right for us - or others - now. The right thing _for me_ usually involves loving people - loving others as well as myself, as that is ultimately how I want to live my life - that is how I decide what is right. Others may have other concepts of what is right for themselves - it might involve say not giving to charity as they feel what is right for themselves is to spend what they earn on their own family. That wouldn't be right for me, it might feel right for them. Someone who has a cigarette to calm them - wouldn't be my approach but again it's up to them if that's their choice. We are all different and I will respect their choices. It doesn't mean we don't sometimes have dialogue about what's led them to their decisions, and they may be interested in what has led me to mine. Or not!!