a rose by any other name

All hands to the deck with the greenhouse still - glad it's sunny!! So here's a blog I wrote a few days ago...

I've been thinking about what to do with my surname. The truth is, there is no way I have the capacity to face the amount of paperwork and hassle a change would involve, so it's a mute point in some ways, but I don't let big challenges stop me from thinking things through :)

I may have mentioned before that i gave a lot of thought as to if I should change my name when I married. Then there was the question of what to, and we considered several options. My husband-to-be was happy to take my name but as he has the same first name as my dad, it felt weird to imagine being married to someone with the same full name as my father. Perhaps I should have just gotten over that. My favourite is still that suggested by one of our best friends, an anagram resulting in the name "Hegglegush." I would have liked that for so many reasons - a blending of families, the equality of using both names, and the fact that it's such an ace name. But it wasn't universally popular, and in the end the name we chose was his. So what now? I'm no longer part of that family. But the bottom line is the reason I changed it hasn't altered - so that my children have the same name as their parents. There is no way I want to even raise with them if they'd like to change their names, and so I will keep mine so that it matches my children's. The good news is I barely use it anyway. I'm fortunate enough to have a first name that's unusual enough to not often need the further identification of a surname. I never use it when I introduce myself. I have however realised it is part of my fb identity, so I think the way I shall mark my divorce is to change my name on there - surely that's relatively easy. I will ponder the change, but probably go with my longstanding internet name of "rainbow kristie" if it's available. I like that it is a clear message as to my commitment to ending homophobia, and a belief in hope.

The worst part, for me, of a married name has always been people's bizarre insistence on titles, as if it makes any difference to a woman's existence if she's a Miss or Mrs. I've been a Ms for as long as I can remember. The moments where my blood has boiled tho, is when the woman is totally subsumed into the name of her marriage partner and loses even her initials. The odd time I received mail to Mrs J Surname, I refused to open it as it was not addressed to me. I realise convention says it is, but the inherent sexism in it annoys me so much that sometimes conventions have to be ousted as such...