A recurring feeling of mine is that I'm single handedly responsible for EVERYTHING, especially how people feel, how successful something is, for doing the right thing at all times, bringing about world peace etc ad nauseum. Rationally I know this isn't the case but it's how I often feel, and there's been a lot of feeling it this week. Today has the likelihood of me feeling it bigtime. I need to keep reminding myself it's not just me today - my daughter's Dad is driving one car and will be spectating, so is on hand to shoulder some of the responsibility, whilst I take 10 kids swimming in Stoke, then have most of them sleepover tonight. It will be fine. My wise daughter woke up and said her first priority was a massage as there was no point continuing if she felt stressed. I didn't dare ask for one in return as there's lots to do still before they all arrive shortly, but I will keep reminding myself that I can relax.
The thing is they don't really want me around so it's a tricky balance - being responsible without actually being right there. I know what I'm needed for is to facilitate the fun - to drive, to pay, to provide stuff. I'll try and have a bit of fun myself too. Hope you feel the fun today too :)
so far my main intervention was when someone screamed they couldn't breathe. apparently that was too soon to intervene. I've explained that I want no-one crossing the line from fun to dead, and have left them to it...
ReplyDeletethey're now on to Truth or Dare. Time for me to trust that all will be well. Trust my fab daughter. Go to bed and focus on how this is what parenting has been about - raising a child who will do things independently from me and sometimes make mistakes and hopefully take risks and be herself and (hopefully) be ok...
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