A few weeks back I saw a friend was very upset, so I stopped to hug her a while. She cried until she was done and then we chatted a bit to get her attention back on the present - she didn't venture what it was she needed to weep about and I didn't probe. In my paid job, I offer info as well as listening, so open ended questions etc are the way to go, I need to get a wider perspective before I can give relevant info. I'm of the view that it's down to the other person how much they want to share. Sometimes people are grateful for a prod. Sometimes what I/a person need, is to be understood, to be heard, to have the opportunity to get everything off their chest, and the talking/listening will achieve that.Sometimes people make it clear that it's not right for them to share at that moment, through their body language, the fact that they are not sharing, or sometimes they clearly state it, cos sometimes what I/they need is being understood without having to explain.
In both my work, my counselling and my life in general it's over time got much easier to let go of a curiosity in knowing - knowing the bigger picture as to what's caused the upset, and knowing what happened next, because otherwise it can become more about my need to know than their need to focus on whatever it is they need. Being alongside is just that. Momentary, beautiful, alongside in the present and not asking to be filled in about the past or kept informed of the future. It's not going to be everyone's ministry, but I suspect it is mine.
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