Being alongside is not then, but now

A few weeks back I saw a friend was very upset, so I stopped to hug her a while. She cried until she was done and then we chatted a bit to get her attention back on the present - she didn't venture what it was she needed to weep about and I didn't probe. In my paid job, I offer info as well as listening, so open ended questions etc are the way to go, I need to get a wider perspective before I can give relevant info. I'm of the view that it's down to the other person how much they want to share. Sometimes people are grateful for a prod. Sometimes what I/a person need, is to be understood, to be heard, to have the opportunity to get everything off their chest, and the talking/listening will achieve that.Sometimes people make it clear that it's not right for them to share at that moment, through their body language, the fact that they are not sharing, or sometimes they clearly state it, cos sometimes what I/they need is being understood without having to explain.
In both my work, my counselling and my life in general it's over time got much easier to let go of a curiosity in knowing - knowing the bigger picture as to what's caused the upset, and knowing what happened next, because otherwise it can become more about my need to know than their need to focus on whatever it is they need. Being alongside is just that. Momentary, beautiful, alongside in the present and not asking to be filled in about the past or kept informed of the future. It's not going to be everyone's ministry, but I suspect it is mine.

hitting the ground running

I don't even have time to check the meaning behind the title but in my mind, it's when people land from a parachute jump and instead of collapsing in a heap and maybe having 3 mins to catch your breath, you land whilst running straight onto whatever the next thing is. I bet it's a military thing, but I shall overlook that for now and maybe seek a more fitting metaphor later.
So, no time for gentle re-entry, back into having to sort lots of things simultaneously. Need to leave for work early so will just abandon the unpacking, unanswered emails etc for later. Good to be back blogging on my computer rather than in haste on my phone (tho it keeps telling me of an error which is scary, I'd hate to lose my whole blog) - if I can I'll go back to reference those ideas I shared whilst away.
So no time for coherence today either, I'll just share a quote I liked from yesterday, that we need
"a compassion that can stand in awe at what the poor have to carry rather than stand in judgement at how they carry it" Gregory Boyle.

Wishing you lots of awe without judgement today :)

forgetting how to swim

I'm making the most of my trip away. This morning I had a pool to myself. I like being in a pool. I'm not fond of getting in or getting either undressed or dressed but once I'm in, if it's warm which it was today, I'm happy. I learned to swim at primary school, we were taken by coach to a High school. When I attended a different high school later, it also had its own pool but we were made to dive for bricks in the deep end which left me panicky. Dad would take me and my sister for fun most weekends and I loved that. At uni, I had a period of weekly swimming with a mate, we did lots of lengths and I used that time to think. My kids love swimming and would like to be taken more often. Anyway back to today and as my knees have for some reason been v painful these last couple of days, I found kicking with my preferred breaststroke a bit painful. So I changed to front crawl only to discover I have forgotten how. I realize it's a long time since I did front crawl as u can't keep an eye on your children using that stroke.

I'm supposed to be concentrating - the current slide is entitled 'the molecular biology of a cuddle'. I have pics of the city that I will add later. Enjoy your day! Xx

maialogical time

Loving my conference! Want to explore more the concept of maialogical time - not the linear time we are used to, but one based on mutuality, interrelatedness, interaction and reciprocity. It's great to be thinking how we cam encourage baby's first experiences to be ones of needs being met through a relationship, not a thing. Our society often values purchases not gifts, as purchases cam be returned if not exactly right. So it's then about commodities not relationships, when life is ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS!!
Its a very celebratory, affirming conference. What would I expect of a conference that is called baby friendly??

it is what it is

wise woman in the extraordinarily long post office queue: it is what it is.
motto of what is shaping up to be a very full on day.
hoping at least some of this "is"ness contains laughter.
I have a big picnic to share on the train (with the whole carriage?) and my colleague is bringing a bottle of wine - I've warned her I won't be able to take an equal share - she thinks she'll cope with the rest;) Sometimes sharing is just that, and not about exact divisions, but a matching of needs and wants, which given that we're all different, will all be different.
If I can blog from Glasgow, I shall :)

giggles

Lots of my recent blogs have been concerned with choices and worrying about making The Right One. Sometimes the choices aren't so life threatening. Last night I fancied watching Nuns on the Run but it was already getting late and an early night was clearly the sensible option. Prompted by a text from my boyfriend (who I hope won't mind me saying doesn't even notice the sensible option sometimes) I went for it and had a late but giggle filled night. I'm pleased to report that I enjoyed watching a film on my own - woo!!!
The week has arrived of my Glasgow conference - I hope it's as useful and enjoyable as I'm hoping, as it's been very stressful to arrange my attendance. Today I'll be assembling a picnic for tomorrow's train journey. I have plenty of other tasks first, whilst waiting in for a mattress to be collected. It's flipping freezing - and seeing the heavy frost out of the window has me feeling even more cold. Stay warm and loved up people!

films and glorious imperfections

As well as books I'd like to read, there are films I'd like to watch. I must be getting old cos there's some I'd like to re-watch (I used to say life was too short to watch the same film/TV episode more than once). The other day the coach driver mentioned Nuns on the Run, which I remember laughing out loud at, and I have that on DVD so might dig that out for a giggle soon. And, as my ex was writing his PhD on German films, there's some of those that I'd like to see again. Run Lola Run has a great soundtrack, and again one of those themes I'm drawn to, of replaying life to see what would be different this time. Just like last week's example of an affair - I could never have an affair as I wear my feelings on my sleeve so readily, I couldn't keep it secret - I'm unlikely to be involved with the criminal underworld. These stories mainly have a dramatic setting - tho Sliding Doors, with its simple missing one train to catch another just a few minutes later utilised a tiny change to show the same concept of showing different options in parallel. That's what's hard about real life - there's just this one shot at it. I suspect it's the perfectionist in me, wanting to live life Groundhog Day style so that I can Get It Right. Sometimes I struggle to trust that everything I do is good enough and I don't need to keep toiling at improvements. Not wanting to look back and wish I'd done even a tiny thing dfferenlty. What appealed about the book I'm still looking out for, is the outcome that in both versions, good and bad happened in similar measure- resisting the affair didn't result in a life of unmitigated happiness; embarking on it didn't result in just joy or pain either. Whichever choices we make, there are always going to be delight and disasters. We can muck things up and things can still come right, we can keep looking for the love no matter what happens.

And now I've just read this:
"Divine perfection is, in fact, the ability to recognize, forgive, and include imperfection! Just as God does with all of us. Only in this way can we find the beautiful and hidden wholeness of God underneath the passing human show."
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Richard-Rohr-s-Meditation--Perfection-Is-Precisely-the-Ability-to-Include-Imperfection.html?soid=1103098668616&aid=SsC52P5Wk8Q

Back to the films I'd like to re-watch and there's also Wings of Desire and Faraway So Close. I like the title track of the latter, but in typing Nick Cave into spotify in a (failed) attempt to find it, I wrote Nick Cake - it was definitely a cake-filled evening.
I'm not yet sure what today's birthday will hold - tiredness may dictate the plans. Can you tell I fancy a snuggle on the sofa watching some films, rather than the proposed clothes shop?! Here's a big hug for you and all that you do today {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{you}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

responsibility

A recurring feeling of mine is that I'm single handedly responsible for EVERYTHING, especially how people feel, how successful something is, for doing the right thing at all times, bringing about world peace etc ad nauseum. Rationally I know this isn't the case but it's how I often feel, and there's been a lot of feeling it this week. Today has the likelihood of me feeling it bigtime. I need to keep reminding myself it's not just me today - my daughter's Dad is driving one car and will be spectating, so is on hand to shoulder some of the responsibility, whilst I take 10 kids swimming in Stoke, then have most of them sleepover tonight. It will be fine. My wise daughter woke up and said her first priority was a massage as there was no point continuing if she felt stressed. I didn't dare ask for one in return as there's lots to do still before they all arrive shortly, but I will keep reminding myself that I can relax.
The thing is they don't really want me around so it's a tricky balance - being responsible without actually being right there. I know what I'm needed for is to facilitate the fun - to drive, to pay, to provide stuff. I'll try and have a bit of fun myself too. Hope you feel the fun today too :)

free compliments

The house isn't fully cleaned (and not even close!) but might do. Meanwhile I've been doing far more funner stuff. Hanging out with my besties via the internet, feeling the connection, a little bit of loving-up flypostering (such a sunny day - yay! - hard to photograph it). By the time I'd done my shop (bought half of Morrisons, not sure how much a horde of 12 years old will eat in 26 hours - my arms are now 2 foot longer from dragging it home) one of the compliments had already been taken :D
I'm not sure who will read this so hard to give you a specific compliment, but I have no doubt at all that whoever you are, you have a beautiful soul. Let it shine for all to see :D

waistcoat

Morning! Tho I don't feel fully awake to be honest. I've taken the day off my Blackpool job so I can catch up with some other bits, and mainly get ready for the birthday weekend - cleaning, wrapping presents, making cards, icing a cake etc.
I'll give myself the kick up the bottom in a moment but for now I'm resting on my laurels for having successfully got my youngest off on his school trip in requisite Victorian costume. We were informed waistcoats were usually "handed down from the master" which was handy when I was explaining that I'd be making his from an old velvet blouse of mine. Last night. I used to be so much more organised. Still,  we were both pleased with the end result fortunately. I'm still sad that one of his friends didn't turn up on time for the coach, which had to leave - is it wrong to hope he's ill and not just late?
Right, house isn't going to clean itself...

fill your dome

I sent this picture today to a friend in need of a cheer. Little things can make such a difference :)

Yesterday I loved seeing how things work in the hospital. I spotted a sign on a colleague's desk that said her name and then "hot desk" and I couldn't resist adding a post-it "for a hot woman". But it brought me back to the sad fact that I can be full-on with my wonderful female friends but it's much harder with my wonderful male friends - I don't think I'd have done it if the colleague had been male 'cos it could have been construed as flirtatious instead of bigging someone up. (outrageous! I realise I have feelings about being thought of as flirtatious!) And I've noticed that sometimes if I'm nice to someone, others can feel left out - my kids are very sensitive to this. I guess that's part of the wonder of loving people - we get to be creative so that the love hits the mark in the way it's needed. I asked a wise friend once what we could do when someone doesn't want us to love them - do we respect their wishes and not love them? He pointed me to the way he sees God love others, that it doesn't stop even if it's not wanted. But he pointed out there are many ways of loving people. In-your-face love for those who don't want it might not be very loving!! Getting it right in my attempts to be kind and loving is hard sometimes but it doesn't stop me trying to fill other people's domes - there is so much filling to be done :D I hope your day has rainbow balloons or reminders from friends that you're ace. I'm hoping to find time to make a chocolate cake and card - and maybe I should buy some actual balloons. Is 12 too old for balloons tho??

dust inhalation

Unusually, I'm off to work in the hospital this morning - well, to be mentored so that I can work there when there's opportunities to do so. This means I don't get to clean this morning - tho will have time off on Friday to do so. Last night I decided to tackle the tops of the kitchen cupboards. Not because I think a bunch of 12 year old guests will be inspecting said cupboard tops. But it's a corresponding 12 years since they were installed and I don't recall ever in that time clambering up to clean them, and I spotted a whole lot of cobwebs above the cooker. That, it turns out, is because the cooker vent has come apart and so the greasy air hasn't been leaving the kitchen, but accumulating on the ceiling and collecting webs. I've hopefully fixed it now and feel a small sense of satisfaction - clearing away 12 years of dust in one go makes for very visible proof of effort (tho note to my 2025 self - remember to wear a dust mask). Of coursed you can't trust everything you read on the internet, but I just saw that the word inhalation is also know as inspiration. Cool. Hope you are inspired today, be it by dust, love, or whatever it is for you...

overflowing cups

Somedays it's hard to feel the love - I don't know why - I guess I get caught up in the doubts, the harshness, and it's hard to remember or notice just how much I'm loved. It all feels lonely and desperate.
Then other days I wake up and it's like I'm tangibly aware of it - like I said this morning it's as if my hand is being held by a friend, and I'm able to really soak it up, carry it with me and then radiate it.

A few weeks ago a lovely friend sent me a text that simply said "love you!" and I was so touched by her thinking of me and sending it. So today, in my loved up place, I sent the same back to her. And to a few other of my (female heterosexual) friends. It feels unhelpful to send it to my male friends for fear of it being misinterpreted, which is sad but I want to spread love not discord so it's not worth upsetting wives or girlfriends. I wonder if there will be mobiles in heaven and I will be able to text _everyone_ that I love them - or if I won't need to 'cos everyone will already know?

I really like the days when I'm in touch with how loved up I am. Not only 'cos it feels so warm, but 'cos I am in a much better place then to spread the love, which I really really really like doing. When my dome/spine/boots are filled with love, it spills over and my patience is greater, my listening better, and I'm more likely to be courageous/spontaneous. It is what makes the world go round, it is contagious: you give a little love and you get a little love of your own.

"so go answer your calling; go and fill somebody's cup... we are each other's angels... we keep each other going"

Thankyou for those times you have kept others going and filled their cup. I hope yours runneth over too.

so many books, not enough time

There is a pile of 9 books by my bed, all of which I'm part way through. Only one is a novel, the others all brilliant books on a variety of subjects. Despite this I sometimes then start reading other things too. It was with surprised delight that I last night started to read the Church of England's document "Some Issues in Human Sexuality". As a long time campaigner for ending prejudice and discrimination, I was pleased to read something that has been undertaken and written with sensitivity. I only made it part way through and then discovered this is a discussion document arising from the earlier, far more conservative "Issues in Human Sexuality". And the floors are only part mopped etc etc so I may not get much further with either of them. Also it's still very hard for me to read round the subjects of marriage/divorce and the church/Bible. So maybe 23 pages is enough for now and I'll come back to it another week.
In addition to all the books currently on the go, there are others I'm keen to read too. My friend with whom I was so pleased to chat over the weekend, was telling me of another, by Lionel Shriever whose "We need to talk about Kevin" I found incredibly thought provoking. This one is of a woman tempted to have an affair and each subsequent chapter alternates following the trajectory as if she had, and as if she hadn't. I'm attracted to stories like that, the whole concept of wondering what our lives would be like if just one thing changed, be it massive, like an affair, or tiny, like stopping to pick something up and so then "delaying" our day by 3 seconds.
I know some people think the what ifs are pointless. The days that I find particularly hard are the times I can find myself wondering what if - what if I was now in a better paid job, what might life be like if I wasn't a single parent. Mostly it's a way of me getting out of my system how tricky I'm finding it, and once it's out, I quickly notice just how many advantages there are to the way my life is, how lucky I am. As I've said before (am I getting too repetitive and boring now?) I guess it's the balance between the pointless what ifs that stop us enjoying the what is, and the motivating what ifs that help us make changes - to our own lives and to the communities we live/worship/work in. So "what if the church became less sexist" is a motivator if channelled to make changes. "What if I could spend the day in bed reading" is less so, unless I guess I actively work to make it happen, which as my "nothing is impossible" children would tell me, is doable if I really wanted it!!
Back to the opticians on my way into work today, much as I need to spend extra time at home to clean before the weekend. Maybe I'll go for a later work start tomorrow. I can feel my hand being held supportively today - I'm not on this obstacle course on my own. Hope you too can feel the love and support from wherever you find it. xx

life long learning

I'm still smirking over last night's incident. That's not quiet the right word is it - smirking somehow involves a bit of evil and laughing at someone else in a smug way. This is more of an amused squirm.
Anyway, hopefully it will tickle me for some time to come. I'm shortly off to lead a supervision. No youtube clips showing there. Then hopefully over to see someone recently out of hospital, see how he's doing.

I'm pleased that I'm not aching today. Taking down the pool yesterday was physically exerting. Saturday saw me get most of the rest of the water/swamp out. I discovered that less was more. Originally I tried heaving full buckets over the side. I soon learned that if I just scooped a little I could get into more of a smooth swing, a higher arc, and water would go further (also getting me less wet). Then yesterday I had help - which I couldn't have done without, thankyou Ben - and we scraped the last of the muck out and dismantled it all. I definitely spent more time scooping water out of the pool than I spent swimming in it this Summer. But next year I'll try again and it might be a different story. We're all learning, all the time. Did I tell you already about a former boss's wise saying that there's no such thing as a bad decision just outcomes we might not have expected. (Just checked, and yes I did, in April) So I'm not telling myself that buying a pool was a bad decision. It's all been part of my learning. I don't believe we have to see it as "learning the hard way" either. Whatever your lessons today, I hope you find delight in them :) Big love :D

mortified, me?

Right now, I'm still mortified and my cheeks are pink, although I also keep laughing about it so it can't be all that bad.
Picture, if you will, a church with several well known faces, and also a whole bunch of people coming along for the first time from another local church. A fab turnout for our "alternative worship". I was in the vestry ready for the pre-service prayer and we were missing one of the lovely people who had helped prepare for the service so I briefly dive back into the church to encourage her to join us. Showing on all the church monitors and screens is a you-tube clip of Nirvana, welcoming us to come as we are. Imagine my horror when just as I walk in, the screen fills with the message "listening to pop music turns you into a fucking idiot."

Oops.

Not quite the alternative I was aiming for. But as a wise friend pointed out, at least I saw it so was then able to apologise for not vetting more carefully, rather than leave them all wondering if I really am that subversive (no, no I'm not - can you feel the blush from there??).

That apart, the whole thing went well. The "bright hope/joy" zone was much better received than I anticipated - people made good use of the joke book, enjoyed the pig of happiness, and several folk blew the party blower and sent balloons whizzing round the church. And given how much I distance myself from some of the wider church's dubious activities re "healing" I was pleased that the healing zone seemed to be appreciated too.

Next time I shall watch anything I'm showing much more avidly - I must have blinked/turned away for those 3 seconds. And it can't have been all that bad - the steward at the end suggested I consider local preaching given I'm so talented at it. Hmmm.

an hour

A radio presenter asked this week "if you could spend an hour with anyone in the world, who would it be?" I can - to a limited extent - see the appeal of meeting up with someone "famous" for being inspirational, with the hope that in asking them for tips, I'd come away all buoyed up. But an hour is just an hour, and the people I'd most rather spend an hour with are those I have ongoing relationships with. As you'll probably know, I dislike the celebrity culture that gets much lauded. Just because someone's story - or just a part of their story, perhaps packaged, certainly twisted - has made news, doesn't make them more interesting or important than any other person I meet/already know.
So the people that immediately came to my mind were my besties - the people who I love dearly but just don't get enough time with. So I've decided that I will definitely try and make time this weekend to ring a couple of them, just to remind them how much they mean to me. The other people who came to mind are my children  - which is good 'cos it's easy to take for granted the time I have with them. We watched Children in Need together last night - we very rarely watch TV together cos I'm not a TV person. It was good to snuggle on the sofa, me bawling my eyes out, and feel appreciative that we are so lucky to be able to spend time together. And I managed to donate without giving away more than I'd earned this week (just).
So today we have the whole day together - I have no doubts there will be arguments and times when we wish we were doing anything else! Especially as the fun planned for today is a bit tenuous. Next weekend we'll be celebrating my daughter's birthday so not only will it be full on, but lots of her new friends will be stopping over in the house. So whilst we don't want to overdo it energy-wise this weekend, we do need to tidy and clean the house. That is no small undertaking. My plan is - when they wake up - to see if we can draw up a room by room list, detailing all the tasks required there, and asking what treat we could have once we've completed them (mine will be to phone friends. I suspect theirs will be more costly).
Today has 24 hours in it. I hope you get to spend some of them with those who mean most to you. Even if it is with your hand down the toilet...

chocolate bean challenge

 

Today is Children in Need and this week I've already happily bought quite a lot of fundraising cake :D Last night my son made a cake ready for his school Pudsey Bear bake off. He wanted to decorate it with multi coloured chocolate beans. None on the market ("we usually have them but not today"); none at Co-op that were not produced by Nestle (I've boycotted Nestle since I was 17. Click on the logo above to find out why).
Over at my local sweet shop there's a sign saying "Back in 5 mins" so I sent my son later - who I later discovered had bought chocolate coloured chocolate beans, and so not going to produce the desired spotty effect. And so we later had to go to another shop, which again had none - so we bought some rainbow drops which did the job nicely.

We will watch it on the tele tonight - after an long day at work including a workshop this afternoon, then a drumming lesson, and then a sing with my local rather than Preston choir. I'll be in need of cake by then so good job he made some spare!!

we are social beings

3 years and 2 months down the line, it suddenly occurs to me maybe I could see the problem from a different perspective. I'm enjoying the brilliant book on raising children with love and it talks of us as social beings. And so the penny drops - maybe it's not me that's wrong and needs to change, maybe it's the situation/culture? Those who know me well might be now smiling wryly - how like me to think it's all my fault/responsibility!
So, here's the issue. An average of two nights a week, the house doesn't have my children in it and I struggle to sleep/stay content. My goal has been to learn to love my own company. Now actually, the truth is there are times I already love my own company. I look forwards to having pockets of time when I can do my own thing and not need to pay others attention. What I don't like is sleeping alone - and somehow I'd got to a place of pushing myself - instead of treating myself as I would any friend who was sad, with empathy that it is so hard for them, I have been adding it to my list of failures, that I can't learn to like it, so many others have to do it, I should think myself lucky I have a warm house and contact with so many people during the day etc etc - I'd never dream of being so harsh with others so why do that to myself? Interestingly, I often manage to be kinder to myself the day after I've (not) slept on my own.

Last night I wondered if I can see it differently. I can rejoice that I am a social being, and accept that for millennia, human beings have lived and slept in groups. I'm just in touch with that and refuse to deny that part of who I am by falling for the current cultural expectation that we should prize independence. I made this jump from reading this last night:

"Independence is one of the big themes in modern parenting. We all want autonomous children! Children who get up and go to bed when they want, who only do their homework when they feel like it, who decide for themselves whether they go to school or not, who dress the way they want and eat what they like...
Goodness, no! Not that type of independence. We want our children to be independent, but to do exactly what we tell them."
and then ""In fact, what many parents mean when they say, 'I want my child to be independent', is in fact: 'I want him to sleep on his own without calling for me, to eat well and on his own, to play on his own quietly, not to bother me and for him to be perfectly happy when I go out and leave him with someone else' Yet it isn't reasonable to expect that of a child or an adult. Humans are social animals and consequently our autonomy doesn't consist of living alone on a desert island, but living in a human group." (Carlos Gonzalez, Kiss me: How to raise your children with love. p95)

So, what if I were to change my goal: I want to find ways of reducing my isolation. This may include my original goal if I choose but is much broader. What if now I'm aware of just how harrowing loneliness can be, I can channel my energies into devising ways of reducing isolation in my community. Practically, I feel I hit barriers straight away. My children don't want things at home to change, so I can't join a commune, or get a lodger. Having to look after the dog overnight means I can't set up a rota of lonely people that I go and crash on their sofas. But the children reminded me the other day that I have taught them that nothing is impossible (when did I teach them that and why??). That if I really wanted to, I could find someone to look after the dog and go and share a home overnight with whoever. (I'm amused that the obstacle I think most difficult here is finding someone to look after the dog, not that there might be people who think I'm dodgy by offering to come and sleep on their sofa). Maybe I could offer a bed to a homeless person those nights I know the kids aren't here? Again, I'm only limited by my imagination/willingness to sort things out to get things right for myself/the world. Onwards and upwards people. xx

Sometimes I cheer myself up by being ridiculous :) How long before social services/the police rang me if I were to put this up in my neighbouring old people's home??

a three phone day

I'm doing a home visit for one of my roles (one work phone needed) on my way into my usual Wed work (other work phone needed). I'll also have my personal mobile with me or how else will I feel connected to those I love and who might need to get hold of me? Tho if any ring I will have a comical scramble through my pockets to locate the right one. I ate my emergency chocolate supply yesterday and the only replacement I can find is a block that resembles a phone too closely to happily put it into my pocket today...
Hope your day is full of feeling connected to loved ones (but not cos it's an emergency) and plenty of chocolate. Or, whatever it is that are the things that bring you the most happiness :D

and work love

Somedays breastfeeding hits the news. This can be good - means people get talking about it, maybe get chance to air their experiences, good or bad, and be heard. There may be opportunities to let people know just how much support is available now. Sometimes tho, it can just seem to stir up emotions that don't get a chance to be heard well, it can get divisive of women into those who did, or didn't, or tried to breastfeed, and the word "guilt" comes up - people can feel guilty or "be made" to feel guilty. And I really find it hard, bring part of that, and being labelled as being part of that.
I do what I do for lots and lots of reasons. To give support to women to enable them to continue to feed for as long as they want to rather than stop earlier than that because they are struggling without support. To give information to women so they can make the decisions that best suit them, not ones that are solely swayed by advertising/cultural/family pressure. To encourage women to trust their bodies and not feel they have to buy a product - it is possible to view breastfeeding as an anti-capitalist and environmental act. To improve health outcomes for babies and mothers, mentally, physically and emotionally. To listen well to mums and give them space to work out whatever it is _they_ want.
It's been emotive, today's news story (about incentives. not the Philippines disaster in which breastfeeding is a life and death issue. Our bodies are amazing and even if we as mums struggle to eat and drink enough, we will still make top quality milk. Clean water is essential for making up formula, as is power to make sure it's at least 70 degrees when added to the powder, plus power and accommodation so bottles etc can be sterilised.) I'm sure I'll be listening to people's views on the incentives research for a while yet. I was pleased to read the response put out by the charity I work and volunteer for. I believe it is support that matters and needs to be available for all, regardless of what motivates women to breastfeed.

love work

We enjoyed a "sunday lunch" last night - should have them more often. As a child I had one most sundays - my kids only get one when I'm in the mood, maybe once a month at most (and not always on a sunday, obviously!). I have the leftovers for my lunch so am looking forwards to that. Opticians on the way to work so speedy start again today. I don't like speedy starts - I know I'm incredibly lucky to manage my own time and not work fulltime which means I can do a range of stuff and not start as early as most people. But I also know that the non-work stuff I do is just as important as the work stuff - not just for me but the people I interact with too.
I was asked at the weekend as to what I did now (as an immediate follow up to a question about what my degree was). I can see it's not a logical career progression from geographer to breastfeeding peer supporter but hey, logic isn't a motivator for me! I didn't get chance to ask what they "do" - I was more interested in their plans for that particular day - I guess that's cos I don't think we're defined by what we do for work.
Anyway, people to love, places to be. Big hugs lovely readers :)

watching

Living opposite a primary school was a totally brilliant idea. Just the one child there now, and I watch him skip over the playground to his classroom door, without needing to leave the house. Sometimes I delay my shower til later in the morning - if I'm working from home I've found it's a good way of warming me up about an hour after the heating has gone off. So I watch in my dressing gown, wondering what I'd do if he fell over - I suspect he'd be more embarrassed having me dash to his aid in my PJs than he'd be cross about my not being there to help.
And the nights he's not with me, I hover in my lounge, hopeful to catch sight of him, and sometimes grab a hug first, on his way in.

snuggly jumpers

Relished my lie in and didn't want to get up, only to discover on opening the curtains that it's a beautiful morning and I wished I'd got up earlier!! oh well, no point wishing things are different than they are - just make the most of it and get out with the dog for a brisk walk before church. We're back in the season of thick snuggly jumpers - yay! Hope you're cosy wherever you are...

getting it right

I've had a fab day :D
I loved meeting Hollie McNish and having her speak to us at our AGM. She seemed a bit embarrassed at us giving her a standing ovation. I quite like embarrassing people by showing them just how much they are liked.
I've had my parenting affirmed which is something I want to keep doing for myself more often. So I bought a second hand book on raising your children with love - not cos I think I need to learn how to, but so that I can remind myself just how well I'm doing. I've also read this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-m-flanagan/the-reason-every-kid-should-talk-back-to-their-parents_b_4226417.html

which has given me food for thought too.
Freezer surprise for tea (sometimes it takes a while to learn my lessons) and an early night with my book. I can still feel the power of the hugs I've had over the last couple of days. I hope you've had plenty too :D

happier.com

I laughed at this email from someone:
"I've just read an article about a new social network site that sounds like your kind of thing. It's just like Facebook but it's all positive stuff and people commenting to share in your joy. Have a look at their homepage, it shows examples of the types of things people put.

It's not for me - I think it all sounds a little crazy but I reckon you would fit in well in their community!"

And so the backhanded compliment made me laugh! But she seems right - I joined today and am already liking it :D So I invited a few other friends and got some lovely emails back - spreading the joy really works :D

There was a comment at choir tonight about coming for the joy not the singing. I go for both, and the love I felt at the end compared to the turmoil I entered with was vast. That power of being welcomed, listened to, affirmed, accepted can change our perspective so much. Any person/community that can do that is to be celebrated :D

Tomorrow I'm off v early to my work AGM - another community that does just that. I am a very lucky person indeed. Hope whatever you are doing you get to notice just how much you are wanted and the difference you make in the lives of those around you.
xx

come as you are

Well, I might be making one of my wishes come true.
I've been planning the next alt worship, around the theme "take what you need" based on the poster I placed up in the park recently. I want there to be zones where people can seek what they need, be it rest (beanbags, mellow music and candles) or joy - mirrors and a joke book? need a bit more of thought there...
Anyhow, as people arrive, I'm hoping we can have up the song and lyrics of Nirvana's Come as you are. Some youtube versions are not appropriate but I've screened the one I'm hoping to use :)

Singing hopefully tonight - I missed it when I didn't go last week. V late night last night tho, and off to work at 8.40 - which is still a whole hour later than tomorrow's daft o clock start!!

The lyrics that are jumping out at me from songs at the mo are all about wishing I didn't have to spend time in the hard places - I'd really like to "skip to the good bit" - or encourage others to get there sooner. But of course it doesn't work like that. The good bit comes after the struggle and shortcuts are rare. So of course I shall try and practice what I preach - accepting myself and others just as we are - struggling and knackered, but still beautiful and perfect in our imperfections :D

Meanwhile I liked this pic: http://thedoghousediaries.com/5468

and I learned today that lyrics I have forever thought went "a bit of my sandwich" is actually "Vegemite sandwich". This was a lighter moment as I've mainly been failing to imagine what 200 miles an hour winds might be like.

stress reduction

What reduces your stress levels? I very much liked seeing a poster today with ten top tips such as:
Make time for fun
Offer and accept help
Learn more about something that amazes you

See the poster and other simple suggestions here:
http://www.stresslesstips.org/

We're all beautifully different tho so I challenge you to write your own top 10.
Mine would include:
Hug someone I love
Hug someone I don't yet love/have never met
Sing, sing sing sing - out as loudly as I can
Dance - just put some music on and get on my feet
Phone/email/see a friend and remember just how much I'm loved
Talk it out and get a less intense perspective
Go outside and breathe in some fresh air/look at the clouds/touch the grass/stroke some bark
Read a book - doesn't have to be a novel - just something that pulls me out of my distress

That leaves me 2 more to think about/steal from other people's ideas. It's tempting to include "eat nice stuff" - tho I eat so much rubbish food I suspect it doesn't reduce my stress in the longer term. And I do like a nice bath, but cleaning it/sorting out enough hot water can increase the stress too. I shall keep thinking what my other two might be.
And of course what is interesting is I don't make so much time for these things as I could...
Another early start tomorrow but I will definitely factor in at least some of these tomorrow. Hope you have a day full of things that make you happy/reduce your stress too :D

rushed balance

No time today - early to work, then to dentist after - maybe some chips from the chippie round the corner from the dentist as then no time before I'm off to choir. dash dash dash.
I've been thinking about attention and how I need more of it as I'm being asked to give a lot of mine. If I don't have balance, I can't give out enough.

Enjoyed this, as it's good to feel less isolated in my worldview by having someone state something similar.
http://johnvoelz.com/everything-happens-for-a-reason/

Hope you get a good balance today of you and others :)

laughter lines

I do like a laugh :)
Thing is, so much humour seems to be at someone's expense, and then I just don't find it funny. So I often get my joy from wordplay. For English A level, we studied Sheridan's The Rivals, with Mrs Malaprop and her misuse of words. Like my son, I enjoy a good anagram that's funny (who remembers "flowery twats?"). And yesterday enjoyed a cracking company name on a van down my street:
Weed it n reap.

There were also some sad changes I discovered yesterday. The people I've trusted my money to for over 20 years were in need of rescuing and I didn't know. I only briefly heard a bit of news about it so I'm not much clearer now.
And my favourite local path, full of twists and unexpected vistas, has been bulldozed into a wide straight road. Again, it's too late, nothing I can do.
I'm saddened by both discoveries but I'm not going to invest any emotional worry into either situation. They have already happened,and my experience of unplanned change is that there's no point wishing I'd made more of what I had, that I will still be fine and will just have to seek out the new opportunities for joy.

Hope you find something to like in whatever comes your way today :)

kind little things

One of my many lovely friends sent an unexpected text today that was much appreciated. Whenever we spot an opportunity to do something kind, I hope we take it. His text made me cry.
As did watching this.
https://www.upworthy.com/a-bus-driver-just-saw-a-terrible-situation-and-hit-the-brakes-to-save-a-womans-life

I love the shares on Upworthy. You've probably noticed.
Hope you don't have to do this. But also hope that whatever kind little thing you do, you know it makes a difference.

aging gracefully

I'm not used to feeling this old. Maybe it was the falling down the stairs, but my arms just haven't felt right - raking up leaves this afternoon was really rather tricky. And then my son commented on how my hair is greying - which it is, so absolutely fine for him to comment - except it's one of those sensitive areas isn't it - something that other parents might object to their kids talking about. I'm really hoping I can hold on to my principles and age just as nature intended without buying into the hype that we are supposed to buy products to hide our aging. I've never bought moisturiser, let alone anti-wrinkle cream. It's another one of those issues that can divide us women one from another, like make-up, so I'm not wishing to perpetuate that divisiveness here. I don't think women who buy stuff are wrong - tho I do get angry at the profit-seeking culture that repeatedly tells us that we are not OK just the way we are, that we have to buy buy buy endless pots and potions and colourants and who knows what, rather than let the world see - shock horror - that as we get older we look different than we did before.

Right now that's fine. But I wonder when my contracts next run out and I'm job searching again, will I have the confidence to be the me that I am rather than the "look the part" as to what is expected of a woman my age - which is to cover the grey, to paint my face and generally keep up appearances. I'll use deodorant and brush my teeth - I'm not against some product purchasing. Does that make me a hypocrite? Who defines just how "basic" basic hygiene is?? I suspect I'd have hated life in the Middle Ages.

Here in what I'm hoping is my own middle ages, I'm going to take my achy body to bed, and hopefully will be less grumpy after a rest :)

PS, this is what partly inspired tonight's train of thought:
http://www.upworthy.com/see-why-we-have-an-absolutely-ridiculous-standard-of-beauty-in-just-37-seconds

skilled sailors

10/10 for good attention to the reader who emailed me to ask what I thought of The Sound of Music as I blogged when I was about to watch it, then said nothing. Well, as seems to be the case in my life right now, things didn't go as smoothly as planned and to cut a long story short I only got to watch half. Two months later and I've now seen to the end - hurrah! I do like my films to have a heart warming message rather than blood guts and gore, so it was of course right up my street. As were the other 2 films I watched in my 2 day holiday - The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and Horton Hears a Who. Maybe I'm just still a kid. I don't understand why watching violence helps anyone bloom. I understand that there are horrors we need to know of, rather than pretend don't exist/didn't happen. And I've heard before how people need a safe outlet for otherwise overwhelming feelings of rage - is that what film makers are doing?
I don't know and don't have the space right now to have an intellectual in depth discussion (with myself. although I have had 2 comments now this year that weren't from myself!!)
So I'm going to stick with my kids films. And TV episodes - I enjoyed the Mr Men last night.
And my mantra for today as spotted on facebook is:
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor"
Tho the occasional smooth sea as an opportunity to reflect on my developing skills is always welcome!!!

would you like me to make you a brew?

I often have a couple of cups of tea a day - earl grey if I'm feeling miserable and in need of the boost that the bergamot provides. I'm not one for starting my day with a brew - preferring the energy giving burst of a glass of orange juice. However, when I have a cold my tea consumption multiplies, and so I'm nursing an earl grey already. I'm not convinced by the brand I recently bought - it seems a bit dishwatery, although maybe that's due to the cold affecting my taste buds.
I've worked out that next week there is excitement every evening, what with me finally getting round to sorting my son his birthday drumming lessons, a fireworks night, and we have an Abba party to look forwards to moreso than the dentist visit. Quite when the homework is going to get done I don't know. So I feel a quiet weekend will make sense, getting myself better before the onslaught of the week. I'm glad that for part of the weekend I just have the one child as that's all my capacity feels up to. But it might mean that child has plans for our special time just the two of us, that are more energetic than I'd like. Let's hope not.
If you don't get a cuppa made for you this weekend, I hope you get to find someone who would appreciate you making one for them. Even if it's a neighbour out sweeping up leaves. Spread the tea people, spread the love.

hugs

I've decided to not take my hideous cold to the clinic to meet mums-to-be so am working from home this morning instead. I'm v lucky to have such flexiblity in my job (though imagine it will be because of my job being in clinics that I have picked up the yucky germs). I will still go out to run a supervision this afternoon, and am hoping I might feel well enough to go singing this eve - I really could do with the hugs. It's such an effort trying to persuade my kids to come, I'll have to do a deal - if they won't be budged, they will have to spend the entire time cuddling me instead...
Hope whatever you are doing you get as many hugs as you need. I heard the other day that it's way more than you'd expect - go get them now!!