monumental

I've been trying to do less skimming of radio channels, and give each a chance now, whether it's playing classical music or something of a more recent bent. Occasionally I linger on the talky bits but my journey to work/between clinics etc isn't long, so I don't feel I have time to join their station's community and don't like getting just a bit of the topic and then having to stop. I did catch the other day that there is a national problem with loneliness. I can relate to that. Who knew how much I'd have missed the dog these last two days - I hadn't realised the part he plays in keeping some of the loneliness at bay. The cat just wasn't the same somehow, which is odd as my entire childhood involved sleeping with a cat on my bed.
I do know that in the end, the real answer isn't trying to keep the loneliness at a distance, filling my time and space with people and events - I know lots of us use TV and alcohol and all kinds of things to numb the doubts rather than face the feelings. What does help time and time again - and I'm so grateful to be part of circles of people who do this for me as I also do it for them - is to have people listen well to my doubts and then offer the contradictions: I am not alone, I am doing well, I have not monumentally mucked up, etc etc. Problematically, such people are really only available by day, and I've noticed that for many of us the loneliness, the doubts, surface at night when we are of course most alone. Tonight the dog is back - maybe I shall tie a contradictory message to his collar? Or I could write a message on my bedroom ceiling... I guess the only limit is my imagination.