Crying could be my olympic sport. Although i can't "make" it happen, like an actress could. So maybe it's not crying, maybe it's feeling I should have as my specialist event. Everyday, sometimes lots more than once, I shed tears or sob my socks off about something or another. Sometimes it's about grief I feel, sometimes it's sadness for others. When I was pregnant I even cried watching the London Marathon - people, running, to raise money for others!
Yesterday felt new even for me, when I realised I was so tired I could do nothing but cry. We'd been singing about not giving up the fight, we have only started. And I understand the song - it's a fabulous one about standing up to oppression, and I can relate to the song in many ways. But yesterday the idea that this might only be the start of the fight, that there are years of battle to come, overwhelmed me. I don't really do fighting - I'm a pacifist. I do stand up for injustice - campaigning can be seen as fighting. And I'm aware that of late I've been putting energy into defending myself - energy I'd much rather spend loving people. Maybe I need to reframe what's going on - that I'm loving myself and others and have no need to defend anyone - myself or others - we are, and we are good enough.
Today, after a 40 min wait in the rain to see my boy off on a cub adventure, I now have a day of just hanging out with my girly. I expect it will involve lots of cuddles and reading and massage and not much physical or mental exertion at all. Perfect.
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