I do like colours and so was intrigued enough by the title to read this article. I couldn't understand how a new colour could be discovered, but it turns out it's a printing thing. I'm sure the colour exists in nature already, but now it can be replicated. I'm not going to make any deep and meaningful conclusions, I'm too tired.
https://www.good.is/articles/new-color-yinmn-discovered?utm_source=UW&utm_medium=FB&utm_campaign=Share
Meanwhile I'm glad my friends in Istanbul are ok, I'm glad my bestie's op. went well, and yet I'm aware I'm also sad that both are things to be grateful about amidst concern. I'm keeping my political head down right now, I don't feel there's any point my worrying or even having an opinion. I'm wearing my safety pin, wearing my badge, and keeping my eyes peeled for people to support instead of fretting about the big picture.
Wednesday, 29 June 2016
Tuesday, 28 June 2016
sweet strawberries
I know some people work 10 hours every day, I don't know how they do it. I have no head space left.
See FULL FULL FULLETY FULLLLLLLL.
Tomorrow starts with several things at once.
But the strawberries are sweet, the hugs warm and my friends brilliant. One reminded me how we need to keep focussed on all that's lovely :-)
And meanwhile, I agree with this:
https://thisisfeminism.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/the-crisis-of-masculinity-in-the-21st-century/
See FULL FULL FULLETY FULLLLLLLL.
Tomorrow starts with several things at once.
But the strawberries are sweet, the hugs warm and my friends brilliant. One reminded me how we need to keep focussed on all that's lovely :-)
And meanwhile, I agree with this:
https://thisisfeminism.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/the-crisis-of-masculinity-in-the-21st-century/
Monday, 27 June 2016
two wings one bird
I nearly forgot to blog today. Life is still somewhat full I guess. But I feel much progress has been made today. I'm hoping I've found someone to look after the dog at the start of our Summer holiday. Situations that were troubling me I've put attention to and have started building relationships - hurrah!
I've not even had chance yet to tell you about our new additions to the family, my girly is proud mum to 2 sweet guinea pigs. I fell in love with one of them myself as it has one white ear and one black. It feels deeply symbolic. I've also been intrigued by the phrase "What if I told you that the left wing and right wing belong to the same bird".
And this interests me lots:
http://www.suzannezeedyk.com/attachment-theory-trumps-success-hitlers/
I've not even had chance yet to tell you about our new additions to the family, my girly is proud mum to 2 sweet guinea pigs. I fell in love with one of them myself as it has one white ear and one black. It feels deeply symbolic. I've also been intrigued by the phrase "What if I told you that the left wing and right wing belong to the same bird".
And this interests me lots:
http://www.suzannezeedyk.com/attachment-theory-trumps-success-hitlers/
Sunday, 26 June 2016
listen listen listen
It was a long way, and a long day yesterday, so a lie in was needed this morning. So no church, which would have been a good place to do some listening, but instead I've been community building on facebook, and It All Counts. I'm also helping arrange for us to do some listening tables in Lancaster on Saturday. There's lots of powerlessness and fear around at the moment, and what I feel makes a difference, like in everything, is to listen well to each other (and we listen best when we've had chance ourselves to be heard).
I've felt torn today having seen an album of tweets from people experiencing racism these last few days, with people using the out vote to supposedly legitimize their racist comments. On the one hand, I want everyone to know the hate and racism isn't imagined, and I don't want to dismiss it. On the other, I don't want to spread the fear or hopelessness. So for now my plan is to keep applauding those who are doing well. There have been some great statements from the mayors in London, and Bristol - no doubt elsewhere too, but they are the ones I've seen.
Whatever you are doing to cherish people, welcome them, love them - keep doing it!!!
I've felt torn today having seen an album of tweets from people experiencing racism these last few days, with people using the out vote to supposedly legitimize their racist comments. On the one hand, I want everyone to know the hate and racism isn't imagined, and I don't want to dismiss it. On the other, I don't want to spread the fear or hopelessness. So for now my plan is to keep applauding those who are doing well. There have been some great statements from the mayors in London, and Bristol - no doubt elsewhere too, but they are the ones I've seen.
Whatever you are doing to cherish people, welcome them, love them - keep doing it!!!
Saturday, 25 June 2016
loving the good, the bad and the ugly
Facebook was both a brilliant and challenging place yesterday. I wasn't the only one feeling the pull to divide one from another.
At one point I was asked how I could love all immigrants, as some might be bad, and if I love Brits too. I told my friend that I especially love bad people. Those who have been labelled bad, those who think of themselves as bad. That I've not yet met a perfect person. That I believe we are all good and all struggle.
I've made a badge to wear today. I'm off to Bridlington for the day so might encounter a few folk on what looks to be a long day out (I'm hoping I can sleep on the coach) I couldn't fit on all the people and all the identities I love so went with "you" and I've explained to my friend that I love immigrants and people who live in the place they were born.
I hope you feel the love today. And if it doesn't feel like there's enough, I hope you can generate and spread more :-)
At one point I was asked how I could love all immigrants, as some might be bad, and if I love Brits too. I told my friend that I especially love bad people. Those who have been labelled bad, those who think of themselves as bad. That I've not yet met a perfect person. That I believe we are all good and all struggle.
I hope you feel the love today. And if it doesn't feel like there's enough, I hope you can generate and spread more :-)
Friday, 24 June 2016
Disbelief
I've been in this place before. The morning after an election, incredulous that so many would vote differently to the way I voted. I know the drill. I need to look after myself in my disappointment, get in close with others who too are wounded. I need to channel my anger and fear in productive ways rather than lash out at those who have a different vision to that of my own. I don't like their vision. I think it will have consequences especially for those already marginalised. If I'm scared about my future, how much worse must it feel today for those scapegoated? I had a brief check at 2am and posted an I love immigrants photo. I'm going to change it to my profile picture now. There's going to be a big need for lots of loving today and going forward . But we can do it.
It's been a busy day. Lots of pulls to divide, but I don't think that will get us anywhere.
It's been a busy day. Lots of pulls to divide, but I don't think that will get us anywhere.
Thursday, 23 June 2016
it's going to be ok
I';m not alone in feeling apprehension about the possible results of today's EU referendum.
Whatever happens tho, i have to trust it will be ok. Even if it doesn't turn out the way I would like, there will be some way of moving forwards.
I'm really tired, everything had been very full on of late. So I'm not staying up to hear the results. It looks set to be close. Also seems like turnout was high, that's a good thing.
Whatever happens tho, i have to trust it will be ok. Even if it doesn't turn out the way I would like, there will be some way of moving forwards.
I'm really tired, everything had been very full on of late. So I'm not staying up to hear the results. It looks set to be close. Also seems like turnout was high, that's a good thing.
Wednesday, 22 June 2016
on the run
No, I've not done anything wrong and am evading capture. I'm on the run cos I just don't seem to have enough hours in the day - I know I sound like a broken record. Shovelling reheated leftovers down me now, kids will have to fend for themselves in terms of tea.
One of today's biggest surprises was how difficult it was to drive my usual car having driven a different one for a week or so.
So glad I can go for a sing to clear my head...
One of today's biggest surprises was how difficult it was to drive my usual car having driven a different one for a week or so.
So glad I can go for a sing to clear my head...
Tuesday, 21 June 2016
some day we'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Long work day. First (of many) clocking ins at 7.40am, last clocking out at 9.55pm. But I did lots of other stuff like a 2 hour stint in Tesco, ostensibly to get school shoes (not quite sure where the other 1 hour and 50 mins went...)
Inspiration disappeared.
Maybe i'll be able to re-write his tomorrow morning before anyone has even noticed it...
Monday, 20 June 2016
do I stay or do I go?
There's lots on staying/leaving at the moment.
Yesterday I was so upset by church I wondered if the time has come to go. How can I stay in an organisation that "forgets" the killing of 49 people? How can I go somewhere week after week where I'm not hearing people speak up about the hideous consequences of homophobia? Would I be better placed using that time to be part of a different community? Do I need a space that is more comforting and less challenging and isolating? And yet I keep coming back to the notion that if I leave I can't change it - that change comes from within, and that if I go, then who will be there saying hang on a minute, haven't we overlooked something important here? And I'm not such an egotist to think that no-one would do it, there are good people in my church, just it's maybe me at the moment who has the particular calling to stand up and say stop, we need to be doing something about this. The message in my head at the moment is "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" Only I substitute the word church for country.
Of course this same argument can be applied to the referendum debate du jour. This week somehow I need to make it a priority to put out on social media how important I think it is that we see if we can keep working together. I'm sickened to the stomach by the leave campaign slogan "I want my country back" and can't understand how this doesn't contravene rules we have on not stirring up racial tension/hatred.
Thoroughly miserable today so here is my antidote:
Yesterday I was so upset by church I wondered if the time has come to go. How can I stay in an organisation that "forgets" the killing of 49 people? How can I go somewhere week after week where I'm not hearing people speak up about the hideous consequences of homophobia? Would I be better placed using that time to be part of a different community? Do I need a space that is more comforting and less challenging and isolating? And yet I keep coming back to the notion that if I leave I can't change it - that change comes from within, and that if I go, then who will be there saying hang on a minute, haven't we overlooked something important here? And I'm not such an egotist to think that no-one would do it, there are good people in my church, just it's maybe me at the moment who has the particular calling to stand up and say stop, we need to be doing something about this. The message in my head at the moment is "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" Only I substitute the word church for country.
Of course this same argument can be applied to the referendum debate du jour. This week somehow I need to make it a priority to put out on social media how important I think it is that we see if we can keep working together. I'm sickened to the stomach by the leave campaign slogan "I want my country back" and can't understand how this doesn't contravene rules we have on not stirring up racial tension/hatred.
Thoroughly miserable today so here is my antidote:
Sunday, 19 June 2016
it should have been the whole church
My heart has broken today and I have lots of mulling to do.
One of the blessings and challenges of my church is that there is a different preacher each week, you never know what you are going to get. As you know I always try to focus on what people do well, affirm people in their ministry, thank them for giving their time, and remember that we all have differing concerns and passions.
I have been disappointed in the past when there has in my mind been an imbalance, with prayers for royal babies but not natural disasters. So on my way I reflected on what I might be able to do to preempt disappointment, and on arriving I sought out the preacher to thank them for rising to the occasion after all the terrible events this week, appreciating that it could not be an easy task. I now wish I'd been more specific, and had asked rather than just spoken with my urgency.
And so with disbelief, despite an appropriate and good sermon on standing firm against the winds of adversity, and thankfully some prayers for Jo Cox and her family, not a single mention of the killings in Orlando, not at any point in the service including in the prayers.
I can't just wail at the church. I am the church. And so at the very end I interrupted and linked in to the sermon and said that the winds of adversity had been against us with the homophobic killings and that if anyone wanted to join me in prayer I would be at the front of the church for a few minutes before going through for refreshments. Credit to the minister, he said out loud at that point that he had been remiss for not mentioning it. And he came and joined the prayers. There were 8 of us, it was better than nothing being done but as one of those participating said to me - it should have been the whole church. It should not have had to be tacked on the end. We need to be naming homophobia or the end result is shame and ultimately these unnecessary deaths.
I know we have to be the change. I'm glad I didn't pray on my own. I got to make a significant connection with someone I otherwise wouldn't have had the chance to. And yet... my heart breaks.
One of the blessings and challenges of my church is that there is a different preacher each week, you never know what you are going to get. As you know I always try to focus on what people do well, affirm people in their ministry, thank them for giving their time, and remember that we all have differing concerns and passions.
I have been disappointed in the past when there has in my mind been an imbalance, with prayers for royal babies but not natural disasters. So on my way I reflected on what I might be able to do to preempt disappointment, and on arriving I sought out the preacher to thank them for rising to the occasion after all the terrible events this week, appreciating that it could not be an easy task. I now wish I'd been more specific, and had asked rather than just spoken with my urgency.
And so with disbelief, despite an appropriate and good sermon on standing firm against the winds of adversity, and thankfully some prayers for Jo Cox and her family, not a single mention of the killings in Orlando, not at any point in the service including in the prayers.
I can't just wail at the church. I am the church. And so at the very end I interrupted and linked in to the sermon and said that the winds of adversity had been against us with the homophobic killings and that if anyone wanted to join me in prayer I would be at the front of the church for a few minutes before going through for refreshments. Credit to the minister, he said out loud at that point that he had been remiss for not mentioning it. And he came and joined the prayers. There were 8 of us, it was better than nothing being done but as one of those participating said to me - it should have been the whole church. It should not have had to be tacked on the end. We need to be naming homophobia or the end result is shame and ultimately these unnecessary deaths.
I know we have to be the change. I'm glad I didn't pray on my own. I got to make a significant connection with someone I otherwise wouldn't have had the chance to. And yet... my heart breaks.
Saturday, 18 June 2016
Blanket dens
Hopefully people are doing what they need to look after themselves following a shock. I've heard fab suggestions of making blanket dens. I loved the actions put forward by 38 degrees that included mailing my MP to send love and thank them for holding office. Some folk I know are hitting out at others, that's far less helpful. Me, I'm trying to stay connected to loved ones, some are better at that than others and for some circumstances make it harder. My kids are rightly with their dad for Father's day, but it means they are not enfolded in my arms. I'm not quite alone in my blanket den (well just the duvet right now) because the power of the Internet keeps me close with people. Hurrah for that!
Still here 12 hours later :-) I was very kindly just brought food. What is it about the melted form that is so enticing? I love melted chocolate. And have just very much enjoyed melted cheese in an oatcake. Nom nom.
Lovely lazy day :-) I have done a little bit productively - there's washing drying nicely in the sunshine for example. But its 6pm and I'm still in my dressing gown! This is partly cos I'm about to dress up for a wedding do and don't want to get my nice clothes on too early, and couldn't see the point in changing twice. Its also a counter to my usual busyness, starting work before 8 am most days this week. I feel very lucky and happy to have had a day of reading for ages in the bath and lounging on the bed with the internet with the odd nap. Hopefully it means I can stay the course tonight!!
Still here 12 hours later :-) I was very kindly just brought food. What is it about the melted form that is so enticing? I love melted chocolate. And have just very much enjoyed melted cheese in an oatcake. Nom nom.
Lovely lazy day :-) I have done a little bit productively - there's washing drying nicely in the sunshine for example. But its 6pm and I'm still in my dressing gown! This is partly cos I'm about to dress up for a wedding do and don't want to get my nice clothes on too early, and couldn't see the point in changing twice. Its also a counter to my usual busyness, starting work before 8 am most days this week. I feel very lucky and happy to have had a day of reading for ages in the bath and lounging on the bed with the internet with the odd nap. Hopefully it means I can stay the course tonight!!
Friday, 17 June 2016
we need to talk about...
"people die all the time"
Whilst factually true, this wasn't the empathtic response I was hoping for. I know people are always dying or being killed, so why have the news stories that have dominated this week hit me so hard?
It is horrific when people are killed in accidents. It is horrific when people are killed because someone is making a point and commits an act of terror. And this week I have found it horrific that people have been singled out and murdered because of their identity.
And of course, it can feel harder when we can relate to the person killed. Jo Cox was a similar age to me, mother, active campaigner for justice for Syrian refugees and many oppressed by poverty. She believed in love conquering hate, and I was deeply moved by the statement issued by her husband yesterday that shows that same vision. She was making a difference.
I want to be a harbinger of hope, I don't want to peddle fear - it is the fear that escalates and end up with being being killed. And I am today aware that I feel felled. I don't want to let the fear challenge my sense of safety. I want for people to go to nightclubs and have fun, not worry about who else is there. I am incredulous that someone can be killed outside a library in Yorkshire in the middle of the day. I will have to work hard to ensure my shock doesn't turn to fear. It was heartening to watch politicians with differing perspectives sing from the same hymn sheet yesterday and speak of love and passion for serving their communities and the need to be accessible to everyone and not let fear win. We need to talk about love. All the time.
A few times this week I've heard about the parents of those committing atrocities. The father of a rapist belittling his son's crime; the shock of parents whose sons have taken other people's lives. It reminds me of the book "We need to talk about Kevin", a powerful novel written from a mother's perspective after her son commits mass murder. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in that situation. And today I don't want to. Today I need to talk about love.
38 degrees are fab at activism and have suggested some ace things that can be done today.I got to send my MP some love. Great plan.
Whilst factually true, this wasn't the empathtic response I was hoping for. I know people are always dying or being killed, so why have the news stories that have dominated this week hit me so hard?
It is horrific when people are killed in accidents. It is horrific when people are killed because someone is making a point and commits an act of terror. And this week I have found it horrific that people have been singled out and murdered because of their identity.
And of course, it can feel harder when we can relate to the person killed. Jo Cox was a similar age to me, mother, active campaigner for justice for Syrian refugees and many oppressed by poverty. She believed in love conquering hate, and I was deeply moved by the statement issued by her husband yesterday that shows that same vision. She was making a difference.
I want to be a harbinger of hope, I don't want to peddle fear - it is the fear that escalates and end up with being being killed. And I am today aware that I feel felled. I don't want to let the fear challenge my sense of safety. I want for people to go to nightclubs and have fun, not worry about who else is there. I am incredulous that someone can be killed outside a library in Yorkshire in the middle of the day. I will have to work hard to ensure my shock doesn't turn to fear. It was heartening to watch politicians with differing perspectives sing from the same hymn sheet yesterday and speak of love and passion for serving their communities and the need to be accessible to everyone and not let fear win. We need to talk about love. All the time.
A few times this week I've heard about the parents of those committing atrocities. The father of a rapist belittling his son's crime; the shock of parents whose sons have taken other people's lives. It reminds me of the book "We need to talk about Kevin", a powerful novel written from a mother's perspective after her son commits mass murder. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in that situation. And today I don't want to. Today I need to talk about love.
38 degrees are fab at activism and have suggested some ace things that can be done today.I got to send my MP some love. Great plan.
Thursday, 16 June 2016
stunned
Another busy work day and only checking Facebook now. I'm shocked to discover an MP has been killed, possibly for her compassion for others - her work to support Syrian refugees, her passion for keeping the UK within Europe.
What a sad sad day. Someone doing so much to make the world better.
More at some other point when I'm less stunned.
What a sad sad day. Someone doing so much to make the world better.
More at some other point when I'm less stunned.
Wednesday, 15 June 2016
integrity
Tonight I've congratulated those involved with the latest developments on the Methodist church website following the mass killings in Orlando. There has been acknowledgement of the hurt caused by their initial statement, and I feel pleased that this has been addressed honestly rather than simply replaced with an updated version.
Given the importance I attach to integrity, it then followed that I have got in touch with the retailers who yesterday sold me lots of waterproof gear for my girly's expedition today. It doesn't look as if they charged me for the jacket. I was glad it kept her dry today.
UPDATE: Great customer service from Mountain Warehouse who apologised for me having to take time to chase them to say I'd not been charged for the jacket and as a goodwill gesture are happy for me to keep it at no cost. Hurrah!
Given the importance I attach to integrity, it then followed that I have got in touch with the retailers who yesterday sold me lots of waterproof gear for my girly's expedition today. It doesn't look as if they charged me for the jacket. I was glad it kept her dry today.
UPDATE: Great customer service from Mountain Warehouse who apologised for me having to take time to chase them to say I'd not been charged for the jacket and as a goodwill gesture are happy for me to keep it at no cost. Hurrah!
Tuesday, 14 June 2016
guaranteed sunshine?
After several years of saying, each time that I'm at a very wet greenbelt, that I really must get some waterproof trousers, I have finally purchased some. Hopefully this will mean it doesn't rain this year!!
I managed to muster a semblance of eloquence last night and emailed some website bods in the Methodist church to express my disappointment with the inadequacy of a generic prayer in the light of the Orlando massacre. Several emails later, I was pleased by a considerable expansion on the webpage. Not only down to me of course, but every time we register a protest against homophobia, it all counts. Little actions added together become big actions, and as my pal David Lamotte exhorts, we are changing the world whether we like it or not. So what kind of change are we making - we get to choose!
I managed to muster a semblance of eloquence last night and emailed some website bods in the Methodist church to express my disappointment with the inadequacy of a generic prayer in the light of the Orlando massacre. Several emails later, I was pleased by a considerable expansion on the webpage. Not only down to me of course, but every time we register a protest against homophobia, it all counts. Little actions added together become big actions, and as my pal David Lamotte exhorts, we are changing the world whether we like it or not. So what kind of change are we making - we get to choose!
Monday, 13 June 2016
fuzzy
I've not really watched the news - the little I caught yesterday had me in tears. Part of me is shocked that there are people on facebook sharing the little stuff - I know the little stuff matters too, the photos of pets etc, the regular things that make up everyday life. I know not everyone will think it's a big deal - there are killings every day. Some of my friends are also outraged, distraught and calling for changes - to gun controls, to all the homphobic laws that somehow still exist. Some are posting rainbows, or flags or candles. I have decided not to change my profile pic - as I said after the Paris attack I feel I would want to change it every day to honour all the terrible things that are happening each day. I can see the hypocrisy there in the things I've said so far in this blog - sad that others are not commenting, yet aware that there are some things brought to our attention in the media and some that are not. This blog is a bit jumbled isn't it. And that's ok. We're not always coherent. I didn't sleep well last night and today my head has been fuzzy. I had a meeting and found myself for the second time in a week using the words "robust process"of my own volition.
I still can't face the awfulness of receiving a terrified text from my child just before they are killed.
And I'm also holding on to what I posted yesterday - that we musn't lose sight of the truth that there is less violence now than in previous times, it is the media that means we are more aware of it, and that fear perpetuates violence.
I spent a while in a room with a dog today whose slipper like fuzzy haired ears tempted me to stroke them. When I finally gave in to the temptation, they were more woolly jumper than the silky velvety loveliness of my own dog. See, I would rather talk pets than murder too.
I still can't face the awfulness of receiving a terrified text from my child just before they are killed.
And I'm also holding on to what I posted yesterday - that we musn't lose sight of the truth that there is less violence now than in previous times, it is the media that means we are more aware of it, and that fear perpetuates violence.
I spent a while in a room with a dog today whose slipper like fuzzy haired ears tempted me to stroke them. When I finally gave in to the temptation, they were more woolly jumper than the silky velvety loveliness of my own dog. See, I would rather talk pets than murder too.
Sunday, 12 June 2016
Love is a story that heals without denying wounds
I'm horrified to learn of the massacre at a gay club in Orlando. This is the most helpful piece I have read so far, written by Gareth Higgins, so am posting it here:
"If you are in Orlando and can offer direct support, I’m sure you’re already doing so. We don't have clarity on the motive, but we do know that the LGBTQ community has been targeted, and that there is already conversation suggesting a link to the tiny minority of radical Islamic fundamentalists who support the use of terror. If you’re like the rest of us, and not there but want to prevent such things from happening again, here are three suggestions:
1: Challenge homophobia: get to know and celebrate LGBTQ people.
I grew up knowing that I was not straight in a society deeply influenced by prejudice against LGBTQ people. I am both the target of homophobia and biphobia, and have also internalized enough of each to know that it is easy to disavow violence against LGBTQ people, but harder to acknowledge my complicity in it. So let me say this: I am complicit in homophobia, every time I believe or express the story that I am less than equal, beautiful, beloved.
If this is true, then I want to ask all of us to address our homophobia. Anything less than full affirmation of the humanity and dignity of the LGBTQ community and our relationships is homophobic.
You don’t get a pass if your ideology regarding LGBTQ people is “welcoming but not affirming”. Another term for such a position is complicity in the dehumanization of marginalized people. You don’t even get a pass if you’re a member of the LGBTQ community. I am a man married to a man, and I have to deal with my own homophobia daily.
So: if you haven’t yet said out loud that LGBTQ people are to be fully affirmed, please do so now. If you haven’t publicly apologized for the way your previous beliefs have dehumanized others, please do so now. If you work for an institution, publish with a company, or speak at conferences that do not fully affirm LGBTQ people, please make a statement now that clearly sets out that you disagree with their policies, and will work to change them.
2: Challenge Islamophobia: get to know and celebrate the Muslim community.
I grew up religious in a society deeply influenced by religious fundamentalism, and one in which the use of violence for political ends was supported by large numbers of people. Killings were a regular occurrence, and the cycle of vengeance was only broken when people were willing to lay aside their entirely reasonable reluctance to be in the same room as their enemies. Instead they allowed their grief to drive them to seek a common good resolution, rather than continuing to permit ideological purity to keep them apart.
This is true everywhere. Terror begets terror until one group completely eradicates the other, or when people talk to each other. The first of these strategies is not a solution. The second is happening all over the world. It is what is bringing peace to South Africa, Sri Lanka, and my home of northern Ireland, among many other places. It can work in the US and the Middle East too. For that to happen, it must be recognized that the killing of civilians by anyone - an individual or a state - is wrong. Rage simmers when marginalized people are dominated by imperial power. My Muslim friends are peace-loving, kind, humane, and don’t hesitate to both condemn violence done in the name of Islam and work to prevent it.
So: Consider the possibility that the terrible wound of 9/11 has only been made larger by the so-called “war on terror”, and that what is needed is lament for the horror visited upon the US and global community, and a strategy of generosity to bind the wounds of all who suffer, and build a different kind of world. One in which I look at the painful impact of my own choices and those of my government as well as challenging the violence of others.
And if you don’t know any Muslims, contact your local Islamic Center or interfaith community group, and ask for the opportunity to listen.
3: Don’t give in to fear, instead ground yourself in the strength to Love
Tending to the needs of the victims and survivors of this attack must be a priority for anyone who is able to help. For the rest of us, it’s important not to buy into the popular belief that the world is getting worse. Each killing is a universe, but violence is actually generally reducing, and we live in the most peaceable time in human history. We know that some of the factors that reduce violence include the empowerment of women, the spread of thoughtful education, the development of democracy, and the evolution of empathy. Each of us can participate in all of those. We can start by listening to each other’s stories rather than merely asserting our own truth, and listening for the purpose of understanding rather than debate or even agreement.
You can reduce violence today by the story you tell yourself and the people around you: that humans have never had more opportunities to connect across lines of difference, that healing modalities for trauma and violence have never been in greater supply, and that strategies for resolving conflicts non-violently have never been more resourced or available.
Fear is a story that hurts, partly by how it distorts reality. Love is a story that heals without denying wounds. One of them works. I need your help to choose love."
"If you are in Orlando and can offer direct support, I’m sure you’re already doing so. We don't have clarity on the motive, but we do know that the LGBTQ community has been targeted, and that there is already conversation suggesting a link to the tiny minority of radical Islamic fundamentalists who support the use of terror. If you’re like the rest of us, and not there but want to prevent such things from happening again, here are three suggestions:
1: Challenge homophobia: get to know and celebrate LGBTQ people.
I grew up knowing that I was not straight in a society deeply influenced by prejudice against LGBTQ people. I am both the target of homophobia and biphobia, and have also internalized enough of each to know that it is easy to disavow violence against LGBTQ people, but harder to acknowledge my complicity in it. So let me say this: I am complicit in homophobia, every time I believe or express the story that I am less than equal, beautiful, beloved.
If this is true, then I want to ask all of us to address our homophobia. Anything less than full affirmation of the humanity and dignity of the LGBTQ community and our relationships is homophobic.
You don’t get a pass if your ideology regarding LGBTQ people is “welcoming but not affirming”. Another term for such a position is complicity in the dehumanization of marginalized people. You don’t even get a pass if you’re a member of the LGBTQ community. I am a man married to a man, and I have to deal with my own homophobia daily.
So: if you haven’t yet said out loud that LGBTQ people are to be fully affirmed, please do so now. If you haven’t publicly apologized for the way your previous beliefs have dehumanized others, please do so now. If you work for an institution, publish with a company, or speak at conferences that do not fully affirm LGBTQ people, please make a statement now that clearly sets out that you disagree with their policies, and will work to change them.
2: Challenge Islamophobia: get to know and celebrate the Muslim community.
I grew up religious in a society deeply influenced by religious fundamentalism, and one in which the use of violence for political ends was supported by large numbers of people. Killings were a regular occurrence, and the cycle of vengeance was only broken when people were willing to lay aside their entirely reasonable reluctance to be in the same room as their enemies. Instead they allowed their grief to drive them to seek a common good resolution, rather than continuing to permit ideological purity to keep them apart.
This is true everywhere. Terror begets terror until one group completely eradicates the other, or when people talk to each other. The first of these strategies is not a solution. The second is happening all over the world. It is what is bringing peace to South Africa, Sri Lanka, and my home of northern Ireland, among many other places. It can work in the US and the Middle East too. For that to happen, it must be recognized that the killing of civilians by anyone - an individual or a state - is wrong. Rage simmers when marginalized people are dominated by imperial power. My Muslim friends are peace-loving, kind, humane, and don’t hesitate to both condemn violence done in the name of Islam and work to prevent it.
So: Consider the possibility that the terrible wound of 9/11 has only been made larger by the so-called “war on terror”, and that what is needed is lament for the horror visited upon the US and global community, and a strategy of generosity to bind the wounds of all who suffer, and build a different kind of world. One in which I look at the painful impact of my own choices and those of my government as well as challenging the violence of others.
And if you don’t know any Muslims, contact your local Islamic Center or interfaith community group, and ask for the opportunity to listen.
3: Don’t give in to fear, instead ground yourself in the strength to Love
Tending to the needs of the victims and survivors of this attack must be a priority for anyone who is able to help. For the rest of us, it’s important not to buy into the popular belief that the world is getting worse. Each killing is a universe, but violence is actually generally reducing, and we live in the most peaceable time in human history. We know that some of the factors that reduce violence include the empowerment of women, the spread of thoughtful education, the development of democracy, and the evolution of empathy. Each of us can participate in all of those. We can start by listening to each other’s stories rather than merely asserting our own truth, and listening for the purpose of understanding rather than debate or even agreement.
You can reduce violence today by the story you tell yourself and the people around you: that humans have never had more opportunities to connect across lines of difference, that healing modalities for trauma and violence have never been in greater supply, and that strategies for resolving conflicts non-violently have never been more resourced or available.
Fear is a story that hurts, partly by how it distorts reality. Love is a story that heals without denying wounds. One of them works. I need your help to choose love."
not the 5000
I thought we had some guests coming for the afternoon so got some cakes in. They actually came for lunch and I'm really pleased with the spread we managed to lay on. An awesome salad was cobbled together from remnants lurking in the fridge, and I've made enough egg mayo to last an age.
Saturday, 11 June 2016
hoofing it down
It hoofed it down at several points today. Much of the club day walking was relatively dry, but the last half hour was not. Is it a little weird to enjoy the solidarity that comes from a shared soaking?
Much of the rest of the day revolved around each of us with our distinct interests. Football has filled hours and hours which has given me time for much volunteering on the helpline - it's been a special week of me encouraging people to go on, so it was important that I too made the effort. I didn't know about the football when I signed up for an hour slot, so in the end did several hours and enjoyed making my contribution. I've also boxed off much of the Christian Aid stuff. Several loads of washing needed as rain didn't stop hordes of teenagers using the pool. Downpours don't making the drying of the towels easy. And cos I'm a good girl, you'll be pleased to hear I both read in the bath and did some colouring. So we have each had fun in our own ways and that is good.
Much of the rest of the day revolved around each of us with our distinct interests. Football has filled hours and hours which has given me time for much volunteering on the helpline - it's been a special week of me encouraging people to go on, so it was important that I too made the effort. I didn't know about the football when I signed up for an hour slot, so in the end did several hours and enjoyed making my contribution. I've also boxed off much of the Christian Aid stuff. Several loads of washing needed as rain didn't stop hordes of teenagers using the pool. Downpours don't making the drying of the towels easy. And cos I'm a good girl, you'll be pleased to hear I both read in the bath and did some colouring. So we have each had fun in our own ways and that is good.
Friday, 10 June 2016
Diamonds vs dogs
I'm still on a best friend theme. They've had a significant influence on improving a trying week. I've been reflecting on why it is some people are just so influential and notice that they share qualities such as acceptance and affirmation and concern as well as the ability to make me laugh and stay positive.
I have no connection whatsoever with the phrase diamonds are a girl's best friend, I can make no meaning of it at all and seems sad that a lifeless rock could hold a sense of connectivity. Maybe I'm actually a man, for whom a dog is their best friend - this resonates better, and the snoring canine currently occupying my spot in the bed bears testament to that.
Despite his softness tho, my best friends today are those who have listened, hugged, encouraged, debated, affirmed, made time for me, and in one case given me a set of 20 coloured gel pens so that I can get relaxing. I feel very grateful.
I have no connection whatsoever with the phrase diamonds are a girl's best friend, I can make no meaning of it at all and seems sad that a lifeless rock could hold a sense of connectivity. Maybe I'm actually a man, for whom a dog is their best friend - this resonates better, and the snoring canine currently occupying my spot in the bed bears testament to that.
Despite his softness tho, my best friends today are those who have listened, hugged, encouraged, debated, affirmed, made time for me, and in one case given me a set of 20 coloured gel pens so that I can get relaxing. I feel very grateful.
Thursday, 9 June 2016
biscuit
It's 4.30pm and I've not had a brew yet, so have just made one. And I'm also going to have a biscuit. I'm reminded of my favourite, Hug it out, song that includes the line about having a custard cream and putting the kettle on. I'm not a custard cream fan (tho I made some from scratch ones and they were yummy) but any biscuit will suffice.
Today's had too many roles in it. Sometimes it's hard to feel effective whilst simultaneously trying to juggle in 3 jobs, parent, partner, friend, daughter, co-ordinating Christian Aid (not much longer with that this year hopefully), community activist, dog owner, house owner etc etc. I only have a finite amount of attention. I'm going to enjoy my biscuit.
As predicted, I very much enjoyed my call with my friend, an hour in which we both laughed and cried. Friends are ace. She pointed out that in some circumstances, it's not the thought that counts. Having thought to buy myself some bubble bath, a colouring book etc, I actually Have To Use Them.
I'm aware that this blog is rather moany of late - I'm not going to apologise tho I appreciate it doesn't make as good a read as when I'm in a more positive space. Instead I'm going to thank you for bearing with me whilst I'm finding some things hard and need this outlet to whinge a bit. (See what I did there? I applied that learning from the other day of not apologising for how we feel but thanking people for staying in whilst we feel it).
Today's had too many roles in it. Sometimes it's hard to feel effective whilst simultaneously trying to juggle in 3 jobs, parent, partner, friend, daughter, co-ordinating Christian Aid (not much longer with that this year hopefully), community activist, dog owner, house owner etc etc. I only have a finite amount of attention. I'm going to enjoy my biscuit.
As predicted, I very much enjoyed my call with my friend, an hour in which we both laughed and cried. Friends are ace. She pointed out that in some circumstances, it's not the thought that counts. Having thought to buy myself some bubble bath, a colouring book etc, I actually Have To Use Them.
I'm aware that this blog is rather moany of late - I'm not going to apologise tho I appreciate it doesn't make as good a read as when I'm in a more positive space. Instead I'm going to thank you for bearing with me whilst I'm finding some things hard and need this outlet to whinge a bit. (See what I did there? I applied that learning from the other day of not apologising for how we feel but thanking people for staying in whilst we feel it).
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
Best friends
Today is national best friends day, according to various postings on Facebook. I'm very grateful to have several massively important friends in my life. There's my best friend that I share most with, my closest girlfriends where we can go for months with just minimal contact then pick things up again in an instant. I've arranged a phone catch up with one tomorrow and I'm eagerly anticipating the loveliness of that connection. And this week I had a text from the person who was my best friend at high school, telling me she is relocating from Devon to Cumbria. I'm hoping this means we will get to see each other again - I last saw her when she brought her new twin girls to show me. That was some 9 years ago.
As you know, I don't see things as a competition, I don't have a hierarchy of friends. I do know that I'm immensely glad to have each and every friend in my life. I don't always have, or make, the time to cherish each one. Maybe I should.
We learned Carole King's "You've got a friend" in choir last night. How apt.
As you know, I don't see things as a competition, I don't have a hierarchy of friends. I do know that I'm immensely glad to have each and every friend in my life. I don't always have, or make, the time to cherish each one. Maybe I should.
We learned Carole King's "You've got a friend" in choir last night. How apt.
Tuesday, 7 June 2016
handling fear
We all seem quite different. I'm sure fear hits us differently. And we handle it in our own ways. Some bury it deep down. Some manage not to give it any credence and keep it bay that way. Others take a really good look at it in all its enormity and feel everything that it brings up and weep buckets. No prizes for guessing which category I am in. I wonder why we differ - there will be many other ways too that I've not thought of. Is it how we are brought up? Do we see the ways others around us deal with fear and emulate it or cast around for alternatives depending how we see it going?
Being such a control freak I guess I like to take charge of my fear, bringing it out into the open and getting a good grasp of the scale of it so I know better how to tackle it. Have a bit of a joke with it even. That's not everyone's bag tho, I know. Whatever you might be afraid of at the moment, here's a big bunch of love for however you are handling it.
Since Paul was killed I have felt keenly powerless over death. At the moment I'm acutely aware that I have no control over illness, I can't stop bombs going off in the city where my friends live, and have no influence over exam results that I've not taken myself. It's not a good time to be a control freak - I know I just need to keep letting go of that desire to be in charge, to go with the flow of all that comes next.
Being such a control freak I guess I like to take charge of my fear, bringing it out into the open and getting a good grasp of the scale of it so I know better how to tackle it. Have a bit of a joke with it even. That's not everyone's bag tho, I know. Whatever you might be afraid of at the moment, here's a big bunch of love for however you are handling it.
Since Paul was killed I have felt keenly powerless over death. At the moment I'm acutely aware that I have no control over illness, I can't stop bombs going off in the city where my friends live, and have no influence over exam results that I've not taken myself. It's not a good time to be a control freak - I know I just need to keep letting go of that desire to be in charge, to go with the flow of all that comes next.
Monday, 6 June 2016
serving time
Home from work and straight to bed ill instead of carrying on with my other roles and all the other things I'd planned to do tonight. Up briefly now as there's things that need doing but still burning up so back to bed. It's frustrating as I feel I could carry on with stuff only my body isn't complying. I sometimes wonder if it takes drastic action to insist I rest. It feels a bit like I have to serve time until I get the green light to go again.
Sunday, 5 June 2016
gotta wear shades
I'm still tireder than a tired thing, but need to get everyone going as this morning is the rehearsal for next Sunday's service with input from the Sunday school.
Sunscreen is in order, tho maybe after church. I wonder where my sunglasses might be...
As you know I'm not a sun fan. Looking forward to washing the suncream off. I've had a bit of a headache for a few days so will be glad when this weather breaks (sorry, I know I'm a spoilsport). Even the rain hasn't cleared my head. Maybe an early night and tomorrow I will be brighter. But first let me try that too of finding three things I'm grateful for:
Lovely Haloumi kebabs
Staying in touch via the marvel that is the internet
Soft dog who cuddles up to me so often that I don't even notice sometimes
Sunscreen is in order, tho maybe after church. I wonder where my sunglasses might be...
As you know I'm not a sun fan. Looking forward to washing the suncream off. I've had a bit of a headache for a few days so will be glad when this weather breaks (sorry, I know I'm a spoilsport). Even the rain hasn't cleared my head. Maybe an early night and tomorrow I will be brighter. But first let me try that too of finding three things I'm grateful for:
Lovely Haloumi kebabs
Staying in touch via the marvel that is the internet
Soft dog who cuddles up to me so often that I don't even notice sometimes
Saturday, 4 June 2016
dog-tired
Today I am (momentarily) contemplating the origin of the term dog-tired. A cursory glance at the internet tells me it might be derived from Alfred the Great's sons chasing hunting dogs and whichever caught the most got to sit at their father's right hand side for the evening meal, dog tired from their exertions.
I've hardly been chasing packs of hounds, more trailing after a pooch who now exceeds me in years, but still has way more energy than I have.
I was so very tired at last night's party. I didn't feel much like socializing, but enjoyed sitting at my boyfriend's father's right hand - sometimes its just good to remember what a privilege it is to spend time in people's company. I managed a bit of dancing, but on getting home just before midnight hit the pillow and was out like a light.
How ace is it that I can watch a david lamotte concert live via Facebook?!
I've hardly been chasing packs of hounds, more trailing after a pooch who now exceeds me in years, but still has way more energy than I have.
I was so very tired at last night's party. I didn't feel much like socializing, but enjoyed sitting at my boyfriend's father's right hand - sometimes its just good to remember what a privilege it is to spend time in people's company. I managed a bit of dancing, but on getting home just before midnight hit the pillow and was out like a light.
How ace is it that I can watch a david lamotte concert live via Facebook?!
Friday, 3 June 2016
go on go on go on
I'm frequently offered a drink when I make a home visit with work and I always politely decline - apart from anything else I don't like to ask if I can then use their loo. Today I wasn't even asked, someone came to the room specially, opened a new bottle of something very pink and very fizzy (pop, not alcohol), poured a glass and thrust it towards me. When I said no thanks, there was much confusion, and I could see it definitely wasn't the done thing to refuse. I tried to see if mum would have it instead, but was firmly told it was for me. (The entire visit was conducted through google translate).
On arriving home, my daughter greeted me with a homemade coctail based around crushed melon but again, fizzy. I am not doing so well with my healthy eating plan. And yet it seemed better to be polite. I'll just try and stick to the water when we're out tonight and hope that doesn't look rude at the party.
On arriving home, my daughter greeted me with a homemade coctail based around crushed melon but again, fizzy. I am not doing so well with my healthy eating plan. And yet it seemed better to be polite. I'll just try and stick to the water when we're out tonight and hope that doesn't look rude at the party.
Thursday, 2 June 2016
colouring in!
My re-ordered colouring book has arrived and I'm very excited by the pictures - I think this is the one I'm going to do first!
More to do but the light isn't good enough to carry on so will resume at some other point. Am very pleased with my purchase :-)
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
put a little love in your heart
New song at choir! With some wah-oohs! And good words to have going round in my head, tho why stop at a little love?!Sorry for not blogging earlier, its been a busy day, already feels like Friday, maybe as I've crammed so much work into the last two days. But its not Friday yet.
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