changing the world

"I wanted to change the world but I couldn't get a babysitter"

"the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world"

Both these phrases were quoted to me early on in my parenting. I do believe parents change the world day by day in what we do, how we raise our children, how we are family and all we learn from and contribute to that. And it still can feel incredibly frustrating at times, the choices we have to make. A lot of my activism I've done with children in hand. Now they're getting older they are having more choices about if they want to accompany me or not - sometimes that means I don't get to do things, sometimes it means we do things together, sometimes it means I leave them whilst I get out there. Next week will be a combination of those - Christian Aid Week is always my busiest time of year. The kid's Dad is always in Germany that week. This year there's an added twist of wanting to be at a fabulous event on the Sunday, but also needing to help lead the CAW Service, and the timings overlap. I can feel just how highly wound up I am about it all cos I just can't be in three places at once (funnily enough) and am worried I won't enjoy any of it.
I'm trying to figure what I can do to feel less stressy about it. Most wednesdays I pay half of what I earn that day for a babysitter so I can go and rehearse with my wonderful choir. Sunday I already am paying someone to do some hanging out with my kids (it's the hamsters pushing my over the edge, already). I've put a call out on fb for some resources I need for the service that I can't think how to get. Maybe it is just a case of letting go and trusting that it will all work out.
Only yesterday I was saying that I sometimes encourage people to look at their worst case scenarios so they can work through the fear. So I guess my worry is that, having (annoyingly) left my event early to get back in time for the service, there is no turnaround time for picking the kids up, they HAVE to be ready. My concern is I'll get back to chaos - dog growling, hamsters running wild, blooded bitten fingers, everyone in tears and distress and no-one will be ready to come to the service. It feels like the world will end if I'm not at the service as so much of it seems to hang on my being there (I have all the resources, I'm doing the prayers and now two of the 3 stations). I guess the world won't end and maybe I need to explore more how I can relieve this pressure...