loving our boys and men

Was v pleased to see this shared on t'interweb today:

http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men?c=ufb2

For a long time I've worked and advocated for boys and men to have as many opportunities as possible to remove their masks and be loved for the real caring, loving, vulnerable beings they are underneath. I'm not a bloke, so I don't fully get it, obviously, but what I have heard from some boys who shared with me in gender workshops I've run, is that it's generally not seen as ok for boys to get upset, but their feelings have to go somewhere, and so often come out as anger and violence. I was particularly moved when a lad explained to me the unfairness of it all - a girl gets overwhelmed by emotions and cries and often gets sympathy from those around her. A boy gets overwhelmed but isn't allowed to cry in front of his mates. It comes out as anger and they get further isolated and condemned by the adults around them. It's a tough cycle to break - lots of us don't like the anger, and clearly we don't want to condone violence. So how do we get to give boys the space they need to explore how they're feeling, and support in how to manage those feelings safely? I don't have all the answers. I do applaud any attempt to highlight that this is an issue and am glad that this little clip will hopefully have people thinking twice before pushing a state of masculinity on any of the boys they encounter, and maybe reflect on the ways in which they themselves (if male) and their loved ones have been repeatedly squished by the pressure to "be a man".

I'm lucky to know many men who have explored a lot of this stuff and are aware of the pressures they have been put under and are understanding of boys who face similar struggles. When I found out I was expecting a son I felt out of my depth, and am very grateful for the positive male role models he has in his life who show him it's great to be clever, that's it's fine to knit and cook and clear up after yourself, who appreciate him when he is funny and when he is gentle, and who show interest in his ideas and creativity. I'm working on him having a few more men happy to cry in front of him cos I wish he could see that and whilst I cry enough for two, that's not the point is it.

Just like in my raising my daughter, I get it wrong plenty, but I also get it right lots too. Being around kids who are struggling with who they are and who they are "supposed" to be isn't always easy but I'm today celebrating that I'm not on my own in telling the world that it's not helpful for any of us to perpetuate a culture of "manning up".