goodbye to all that?

I'm not sad to be seeing the end of this year - it's had far too many challenges in it for my liking. Of course, there were good bits - I'm particularly pleased with the way I celebrated my birthday, and for making the effort to arrange to meet up with one of my distant friends. Today I'll be emptying out my jar - lots of scraps of paper on which I jotted some of the highlights and little things I was grateful for throughout the year. Like most new year's resolutions, I started well and then promptly forgot/couldn't be bothered, and only came back to it in bursts. I shall make it my resolution again this year, as it's a really good discipline to focus on all that's good instead of everything that brings us down.
Homework to be done today, then some celebrating later. It's good to celebrate life and loved ones. Of course, time being a social construct and all that, we don't have to wait for a new year to start in order to know that we can begin afresh, or delight in all that we have. But sometimes we need that shove to do so :) Hope you feel motivated to mark all that is good in your life, and resolve to keep working towards all you'd like to be even better :D

can we fix it?

This morning I'd have very much liked to have either stayed in bed with my book, or had a very long bubble bath with said book. I've resumed my favourite series after a break - Games of Thrones was too similar in content for me to watch that and still read the book, so I had set it aside. I'm so pleased to be back in its world :)
However, reality bites and as it's a day between holidays I knew I needed to get things fixed whilst those who could help me were working. The garden needed a good clear in order to have the roofing people come through to tell me that the whole side needs re-pointing - they've removed the 4 hanging free before today's wind sent those spiralling too and will replace those and the smashed one, and re-cement the edges next week.
My handy boyfriend sorted the leak in the kitchen but a new part is needed and I'm already missing my dishwasher. I've been out and purchased the required part and am tempted to fit it myself.
Hopefully the fun will resume this afternoon, there's still plenty of puzzle left and if I can, I'll escape to Buckkeep :)

in the light

There was much today in the service about the difference light can make, such as when trying to find the toilet if you stop overnight somewhere new. I'm pleased to report that daylight is assisting in my puzzle-doing - the lightbulb in this room makes puzzling at night hard and I'm usually trying to find pieces by shape rather than shade come sunset. But right now the sun is shining and the colours are almost alive.
It was ace that on the way to church my boy happily hugged trees with me. His sister has gone shopping and for a sleepover, so it's just the two of us hanging out and having fun. I'm for some reason missing a lot of my friends today, so where ever you're reading this, have a big hug from me :)

slow progress

The jigsaw is blooming tricky, and I'm still on the easy bit of the sun setting through the branches. When I close my eyes, that's what I'm seeing - sun through branches, and it's beautiful, I love light and I love tree branches. So it was in many ways a good choice of jigsaw, tho I'm finding it harder than anticipated. It's difficult to imagine me ever getting to the snow part, but I'm trying to hold onto the idea of eating an elephant with a teaspoon - although it's not a particularly pleasurable image. My helpers gave up a long time ago, tho I'm delighted to say we're still all round the same table, doing our own things, so I'm happy. We're going to shift to watching Madagascar 2 shortly, with the dog-tired dog, worn out from a romp across Beacon Fell with my mate and her dog. We bumped into a friend there - it's a good place to go tho I'm still convinced there must be a shorter route there.
Even on my holidays I find it hard to go at a slower pace and am always looking for haste. Will try and slow down...

loving our boys and men

Was v pleased to see this shared on t'interweb today:

http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men?c=ufb2

For a long time I've worked and advocated for boys and men to have as many opportunities as possible to remove their masks and be loved for the real caring, loving, vulnerable beings they are underneath. I'm not a bloke, so I don't fully get it, obviously, but what I have heard from some boys who shared with me in gender workshops I've run, is that it's generally not seen as ok for boys to get upset, but their feelings have to go somewhere, and so often come out as anger and violence. I was particularly moved when a lad explained to me the unfairness of it all - a girl gets overwhelmed by emotions and cries and often gets sympathy from those around her. A boy gets overwhelmed but isn't allowed to cry in front of his mates. It comes out as anger and they get further isolated and condemned by the adults around them. It's a tough cycle to break - lots of us don't like the anger, and clearly we don't want to condone violence. So how do we get to give boys the space they need to explore how they're feeling, and support in how to manage those feelings safely? I don't have all the answers. I do applaud any attempt to highlight that this is an issue and am glad that this little clip will hopefully have people thinking twice before pushing a state of masculinity on any of the boys they encounter, and maybe reflect on the ways in which they themselves (if male) and their loved ones have been repeatedly squished by the pressure to "be a man".

I'm lucky to know many men who have explored a lot of this stuff and are aware of the pressures they have been put under and are understanding of boys who face similar struggles. When I found out I was expecting a son I felt out of my depth, and am very grateful for the positive male role models he has in his life who show him it's great to be clever, that's it's fine to knit and cook and clear up after yourself, who appreciate him when he is funny and when he is gentle, and who show interest in his ideas and creativity. I'm working on him having a few more men happy to cry in front of him cos I wish he could see that and whilst I cry enough for two, that's not the point is it.

Just like in my raising my daughter, I get it wrong plenty, but I also get it right lots too. Being around kids who are struggling with who they are and who they are "supposed" to be isn't always easy but I'm today celebrating that I'm not on my own in telling the world that it's not helpful for any of us to perpetuate a culture of "manning up".

included

Some people are great at making you feel included. I've just been at a family event where myself and my children were included in the marking of everyone's heights on the wall, even tho we're not officially part of the family. Little things like that can make the world of difference.
It's hard going from a busy party to return to an empty house alone. I guess lots of people do that frequently and I take my hat off to them. I will try to stay focussed on getting an early night ready for being back at work early tomorrow.

nostalgic furry pipe cleaners

The service this morning was noisy and joyous, lots of instruments banged along to the carols. I managed to lift my leg a reasonable distance into the air to show off my Christmas socks, and we're back now and there is (momentary?) peace. One child building lego, the other on their phone. I'm about to peel veg. I love that one of the most excitement-inducing presents was some mini post-it notes. Reminded me of my favourite present as a child, some furry pipe cleaners.
In my humble opinion, the best presents are the people we have in our life - hope you are enjoying them :D
Big Christmas love to all xx

off switch

Yesterday was the only day away from email but still didn't stop me getting 2 work incidents via my phone. And parenting never stops, and with mobiles, that feels even more the case when we r apart, I'm a way that it didn't use to. I can see I'm going to have to insist on some phone free time if I'm ever to get a break. Tho I did get a supportive text from a lovely friend who had seen my blog, so much as I'm cross with phones at the moment, they connect in good ways too.
Today's weather isn't very travel friendly. We shall allow extra time for getting back for the cub bag pack.

battle

Feeling miz this morning so hanging out under a v soft duvet until I'm ready to face the world. V grateful for WiFi! When I can get it together there should b card playing and Christmas tele and a roaring fire so I know it's worth getting up for. Yesterday I had two lovely messages from people thanking me for my kindness so am trying to hold onto those, but sometimes it just all feels like a battle.

conversations

My kids went to Manchester yesterday to see a show and enjoyed it, but my girly came back upset by the number of homeless people she'd seen, and keen to work out what she could do about it. I lent her one of my books, "52 ways to help homeless people" (chip-block) which she fully read but declared was aimed at adults. We then had a very long discussion about all kinds of interesting things, from politics and proportional representation; differing views on the benefit system;  to planning permission and how young people change the world. I love those kinds of conversations, and have encouraged her to take chances at today's church party to find others with other perspectives and ideas.
We're taking veggie cocktail sausages, and cheese and pineapple sans sticks cos I have no cocktail sticks - I'm sure there's a joke to be made about Methodists and cocktails. There's the nativity beforehand and I'm a script short so had best see if I can locate it. Hope you have lots of interesting conversations today too :D

tipple

I'm only an occasional drinker. Not as occasional as my grandma - I found out this week she's looking forward to her Baileys-in-coffee that is her Christmas Day treat. She didn't get round to having it last Christmas so it's been a couple of years. Wow.
I got very wet and cold taking my girly iceskating in Preston tonight. When I got back, I had just 45 mins left of volunteering opportunity, so I took that and then made myself a hot chocolate with some amaretto in it. It was so lovely I made a second one too.
Plan now is to take my new book group book and wrap up in a duvet and enjoy some time by myself. Just a bit more work tomorrow but I've already made a start on the Christmas jigsaw. Problem is, there's no room for us to eat now...

batteries not included

The batteries needed for a Christmas present purchased yesterday cost more than the present itself, but at least I'm beginning to get organized. Must check tho, some were ready charged, the rectangular ones might need further action on my part before the big day.
As there was no Girl Guides, we had a deadline-free evening which was brilliant. The kids printed off some stuff and we had a really lovely time. The free film was Arthur Christmas. It is so good to chill out with those we love. I am looking forward to more of that over the holidays and hope you get to relax with those you love too :) (The car got fixed so that makes getting to those I love easier!!)

the end is nigh

I can feel the end of term approaching and it feels good. It's getting to be a struggle to get up and out, will be great to have some relaxed days - I've already purchased us a Christmas jigsaw that I'm REALLY looking forward to - it has sheep and trees, and some lovely light - yum yum. Work is beginning to wind down for me already - a festive group today, and tying up of ends, but hopefully nothing too taxing. I'm keeping everything crossed that the car will be fixed today as it's the last chance before Christmas. I'm really proud of myself - I actually asked for help last night - go me! The weather was hideous skipping back from church and I suddenly realised that it didn't seem an appealing prospect to stand outside school for an indeterminate amount of time waiting for the coach to return from the Trafford Centre treat. So I asked a friend if they would pick up - what a fab idea.

This is one of the many places I could have been but wasn't last night. I love this version of Hark the Herald that we do:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwwOKgfBfz0&feature=youtu.be

Really enjoyed watching a programme last night that involved people singing gospel music, seeing them become so emotional and touchy feely. No wonder I love it so much!! Hope you today get to hug and kiss those around you - if that feels a bit unlikely, get singing and see what happens :)

dashing through the (erm, well not snow exactly)

As you know, I love singing, and for me, one of the absolute bestest bits about Christmas is carol singing - "proper" carol singing where you walk round the streets in the bitter cold, no instruments to drown voices, attempts at harmony, sometimes pitching a song that little bit too high or low, cos it's all off the cuff. Love it.
Tonight was carols on the run. Kids finally dispatched, I dashed to where the others were (texting to locate as I'd missed the start). We sang, beautifully, and it was ace to hear it was the first time in 30 years that a particular street had been carolled. I hope we go again next year and start a new wave of tradition. I had to pick up from cubs, so dashed off again (they're always out late except for the nights I'm late. Always). Maybe I need a sleigh.

An additional aspect I liked about tonight is that we weren't collecting. I have nothing against collecting and am v proud of money raised during previous sings. But was great to turn expectations on their head and when people asked to donate, we explained we were giving not collecting, and offered them chocolate and a booklet instead.

I've been reflecting on carol singing through the ages. My first memory of it is as a teenager, just three of us, going door to door locally and pulling off some amazing 3 part harmonies in silent night. I also recall singing with Ladies Circle that my mum was part of. Then it feels like there's a gap but maybe my memory is just hazy? I have happy memories of singing around Preston, a kind friend offering to carry my girly whose feet had frozen. And I've sung with my church before around the streets of my town. I've stood outside to sing many a time too with various choirs, but there's something about moving that makes it extra special for me. Don't know why. Anyhow, better dash, hope you get to sing gustily today too...

appreciating

The bus I caught home (less than 2/3rds of the price to get there) headed in the opposite direction to the way I go when I drive home. All very symbolic, and helped me be more appreciative of when I can easily hop in my car. I'm lucky to have an amazing boss who drove me to the clinic in the first place. Once on it, I was outraged by a sign that said the driver had discretion to allow EITHER one wheelchair user, or 2 unfolded pushchairs on at any one time. So if two wheelchair users dare to try and use the same bus there will be an issue. I'm ashamed to say I've never considered before the difficulty of being a wheelchair user waiting for a bus only to find the one and only allocated space is already taken so you're not allowed on. How rubbish must that be?
I was v v  v pleased when the mechanic rang me at work with good news. I'd rung him this morning to be told the part wouldn't be available til after Christmas if ordered from the main dealer. All my Christmas plans started to unravel. But star that he is, he's located another and is going to fit it tomorrow. Hurrah hurrah hurrah.
Right, I'm checking on cakes that for some reason will not cook. ttfn.

swings and swings

So today I saved myself £50. Tho lost a few thousand in the process. Swings and swings. The good news is that I acted ethically, which is important to me, as you'll know.

This is why we need windscreen wipers!

I was asked for another valuation on the house, and like last time, I decided I wasn't going to pretend that I wanted to sell my house, just so I could get the accompanying free valuation. So I asked around and the cheapest was £50 (plus VAT), for it to be in writing. I had an idea and it came to pass - I figured if the person who wanted the valuation was present, it wouldn't need to be in writing as verbal would suffice. Everyone was happy with this plan and so she came today and was surprised when I gave her some nicely wrapped flowers as a thankyou for coming out even tho she knew there was no profit in it for her. Her estimate is ten thousand more than the first one so that's more money to find, but I guess we're another step forwards.
I was determined to still go and see my friend despite being carless. The cancelling of the second train yielded a silver lining in the form of a 20 min wait that I utilised by dashing to LUSH for the secret santa gift. See, more swings. I was much cheered by seeing my friend and so pleased with myself for making the effort. And she makes a lovely dahl :)
I have bus times sorted for tomorrow, and a lift for the day after. Will ring the garage again in the morning to see if the part has been ordered cos I kinda need the car by Friday :s But am trying to stay positive. I began reading a book of Joe's on the train and will not be sunk as often happens when I'm on my own - I'm going to take the book to bed and giggle at Little Wolf. It'll be reet.

this little light of mine

This is my favourite card of the ones I've been sending this year. Yes, I actually wrote some yesterday! Not for people I'm going to see face to face - they are getting a Christmas hug - and I've had some amazing hugs, so I definitely recommend Christmas hugs. For people I don't see and barely keep in touch with, I'm trying to send a card. The list on my computer is corrupt and won't open, so I've been using a paper copy dated 2003. So it's not perfect, but at least this year I'm attempting it. And I LOVE this card, as it sums up my faith far better than the sentiments of a lot of other cards.
Twice over the weekend, in very different settings, I got to sing a song I rather like as it has many happy memories associated with it. "This little light of mine" - sung on Saturday with One Voice choir, at a children's nursery Christmas fair, with a person dressed as Peppa pig dancing along. Probably winner of my most surreal moment of the year. Then last night at the Christingle service at my local Anglican church, all the church lights were turned off and we stood in our multitude, around the edges and in the aisle of the building, our candle flames flickering, and it was very beautiful indeed. I also often think of my other choir when I sing it as we sing it with much gusto there too. I am a strong believer in the light that each of us have, I see when my light lights up the life of others, and I often get to feel for myself just "what the power of love can do." Yesterday morning I saw someone's light as they made sure I heard that he was pleased to see me. Others are great at reminding me that my light burns fiercely too.
This week is a bit unknown for my liking. The fate of the car is in the hands of the garage - I now need to see what I can figure out in terms of getting to and around work tomorrow. I shall try to keep my flame out of the rain.

name the toliet cleaner!

It was inevitable. It had been dodgy for a while, so I wasn't massively surprised when the windscreen wiper went completely. The garage had said it'll cost around £500 to sort so I'd been waiting in case they could find a second hand one. Now it will have to just happen cos having a car I can drive is pretty important to me. It's only money and I'm just not thinking what else it could buy. I'm a bit worried about how long it might take to sort. I can get a train to some places and I can't do much til Monday so am just not going to worry.
Meanwhile feel very lucky to have a boyfriend who knows how to cheer me up by buying a children's film. We laughed our way through Despicable me 2, then I got to watch yet more Saturday night tv. I've never seen X factor before - it was a bit more collaborative than I anticipated. Then Jonathan Ross, and I realised one of the things I struggle with, is the way it's about "a star". The singer at the end was good, but the only one named. Had one of her saxophonists blown a note out of time it would have been spoiled, but they didn't get a mention. The world I want to live in values the person who cleans the studio toilets as much as the person who has celebrity status.
Will keep working towards bringing about that world today :) Hope whatever part you play today you are appreciated, and that you take chances to appreciate others too :)

time with those we love

A friend has shared an ace thing on fb this morning. Timely. Here it is:

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/12/11/brene-brown-rsa-animated/

I'm feeling sad this morning, feeling as if I don't spend as much time as I'd like to with those that I love as constraints get in the way. My friend's daughter looked after my kids last night and my friend was jealous as I've seen much more of her daughter than I have of her recently. My plan this morning is to make plans. To try and fix up times when I can see some of those that I love.
Enjoy the animation and hope you get to connect well today with some of those who matter most to you :)

still there anyway

I really enjoyed tonight's gathering (not quite a service, I'm not really sure how to bill it here - there was singing, a story, but also shed loads of food and quizzes and karaoke). We sang well, and it was a lot more sociable than I had anticipated which I enjoyed immensely. It reminds me how I went on a weekend once that I was expecting to involve intense sessions, and the leader pointed out that just being with each other, hanging out, was the most important "work" we could do. What a fab leader. And so it is, imho, with church - it's the hanging out that's the important bit for me. The sharing, the stories, the sticking out of tongues, the crumbs on the floor, the new people met, the old people hugged. I'm not really a "praise" kind of girl - I personally feel I worship God in the being, when I get to be, and when I get to be around and with others. Yes, I like to sing and can see/feel the praise in that, but it's always been the fellowship I prefer (if not the word itself).
Carols were interlaced around a story from Tolstoy, which I liked tho it felt a tad predictable to my cynical mind. The old man met with Jesus every time he showed compassion to anyone who came along, even tho they didn't look like the Jesus figure he was expecting. I'd quite like to do a re-write. The poor mother and barefoot infant come along, and the shoemaker would like to help, and he recalls the shoes he has kept on the dusty shelf. He gets them down and mum, babe and carpenter are all hopeful. Only they're too small, and the carpenter feels inadequate, the mum disappointed, and the child still cold. But God is still there anyway, in the disappointment, the bitterness, the failed attempts at helping. I don't really believe in the "if you just have faith God will make it all ok" cos that's not the way it seems to work. People still die, people still get hurt, experience abuse and injustice, and God doesn't stop it and make it all OK. What I do believe in, is a God that is still there when it's not ok. And that there are people who care about other people, working hard to challenge the injustice and abuse, tend to the dying, listen to the hurt, and that God is there too.
More singing tomorrow. I'm a lucky girl :)

Be Happy :)

There were many crappy bits in yesterday, but this was a lovely moment - to discover this on my pillow before I went to bed. Today's another busy day, dashing straight from drumming to a gig later. I hope whatever your day holds, there are unexpected moments of love within it :D

old dog new tricks

I didn't get to share how much I enjoyed Saturday night. Our choir leader was really buzzing. We'd rehearsed all afternoon, but when it came to it, we just followed where he led (which wasn't necessarily what we'd been practising). I'd hoped to share a clip with you but the video my son had recorded on my phone won't transfer. Maybe it's too large. You'll just have to imagine how upbeat it was. There was the noisiest drum solo I've ever heard during Away in a Manager of all things. Actually, maybe it's too hard to imagine. I've tried finding Gospel versions of Christmas songs all week, but no one does it like we do. Perhaps I'll ask if we can make a Christmas album?

Whilst not managing to transfer video footage, I've very pleased to report that having learned how to hide columns in spreadsheets the other day, I've just put that to very good use on a database this morning that I will now use much more efficiently. Yay! I am going to focus upon that, and not on the fact that I forgot the one thing I felt I HAD to do this morning, which was to ask my daughter to come straight home from school as we all have the dentist immediately after. 

I'm having 6 days off from my main job over Christmas. I think I need it :D

love more worry less

Sometimes I find myself not quite matched up in time. I'm getting dates for my 2014 diary only I know there are other things that will need to go in there that haven't yet been arranged. Having a boyfriend with a very different time of work from me and consequently body clock, is also challenging. I often write a text to him when I have a spare moment in the morning and then have to remember to actually send it later when he's awake. I meant to text a friend yesterday but didn't want to wake her in my only non manic slot of yesterday, and in the waiting for a more convenient moment for her, never got round to it. Email is much better cos I can write whenever and it is picked up whenever suits the recipient.
I have a fab friend who keeps reminding me to love more and worry less. I can feel the weight of the worry on my shoulders at the moment, and just need to keep remembering to shrug it off. There is all the time in the world for love. Everything else can wait :D

techno junkies

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my less ideal days, in that I get home from work at the same time as, or after, the kids. Ideally I would have maybe 20 mins first in which I could catch up with my emails etc before paying them attention. Sometimes they have activities of their own anyway - TV or dog walking and I can sneak a quick email check. Sometimes the activities involve my own computer so I don't get a look in.
I know I'm addicted to my internet connections. One of my paid roles in particular includes responding fairly rapidly to situations- trouble shooting - and I don't like it when I know my emails have lain unseen from maybe 9am til late. Tues eves I sometimes get a half hour slot between my girly leaving for dog agility, before I have to collect my son from cubs, and it's a precious grab-a-look time!
Clearly one solution would be to check emails on my phone. But I feel it's actually good not to be on call 24/7, and if I used my phone in that way, would I EVER switch off?

The cubs are an especially happy lot at the moment due to the ma-hoo-sive pile of stones ready for turning my twisty path into a cycleway. You can imagine - a bunch of 8 n 9 year old lads joyously enjoying running up and down the rubble mountain. I didn't join in, but have def had my serious head on too much recently. Tomorrow might have to be a silly hat day...

curry overload

I organised a curry night out as a thankyou for the volunteers I co-ordinate locally. It was a good night but I felt overstuffed so didn't sleep well and still can't imagine breakfast this morning which is unusual for me - breakfast is one of my favourite meals of the day :) I have leftovers in the boot of my car that I'd planned for lunch but think that might be a bad idea, especially as I'm hanging out at clinics this afternoon - garlic breath is not going to make a good impression is it?

I've still not started even writing a list of who I want to buy Christmas presents for. I don't do well with deadlines. I'm guessing Christmas Day is not going to get delayed just cos I can't quite keep up. Still, let's stay focussed on how far I've come rather than how long I have left to go (a recent mantra) and celebrate the fact that I did get a bag of stuff down from the loft to see if anything there can be wrapped...

Will kick myself out to work shortly and keep looking at today's beautiful clouds. Tho not whilst I'm meant to be focussing on the road, obviously.

...
More cheery this evening. I have got me a milkman :D

believe

Sometimes the pits we fall into are so deep and dark it can be hard to see out of them. I was so stuck in my stuff yesterday I'm not sure I could tell you much about the service I went to. I couldn't even sing which is unusual for me. One of the hymns I don't think I'd come across before and couldn't tell you what it was called to look it up or anything. But there was an apt bit in the 3rd verse about us being angels to one another - it was just after one of my lovely friends had appeared from behind me with 3 new tissues cos she had clearly spotted I'd worked my way through my whole tissues and reached the rageddy scraps in my pocket.
Last night another lovely friend gave me a tiny - size of a pen lid - sign that says "believe in yourself and all that you are" I've hung it next to my bed to remind me. She clearly believes in me and I know she's not the only one. I bet there's loads of people who believe in you, even in those times when you doubt too.
I've made an earl grey as I'm unusually going to help run a group, even tho it's a Monday, so I need to get motivated. As yet another lovely friend would say "Keep the Faith".

role reversal

Tonight my children are coming to watch me in my Christmas Concert. Neither of them are in anything at school this year, so this seems an upside down situation that they're coming to see me but I won't be going to see them.
We've had a lovely slow start today after a very busy week. There's a couple of spare hours over the weekend when I probably ought to pay attention to impending rather than immediate stuff - I could write some Christmas cards, for example. I bought a whole lot of Greenbelt ones I'm pleased with, to then discover that I didn't write many last year so still have a big stash from then. Oh well.
I may just try to take it easy tho. Life has definitely felt like responding to the immediate all the time - a friend once described it as being swept down a river with just my nose above water. I'm proud to report that I sent a birthday package this week and didn't have to send it first class - I was actually a couple of days ahead of myself. I used to be more like that and it would be good to return to that way of being if I can, instead of feeling up against it all the time. I'm not naturally a last minute person. There's still 3 things I was supposed to do yesterday tho, so as long as they don't take too long, hopefully there'll be some downtime. I know this time of year can be frantic for lots of people. Hope you find some peace and tranquillity amongst the hurlyburly.

PS, one of the tasks is to find an acceptable photo of my kids together, so in trawling my recent pics have been happily reminded of memories from this year and came across this that reminds me I don't have to do ANYTHING with my spare two hours :)

news and the net

So many inspirational quotes from such an amazing man are on my fb feed this morning. I remember waiting somewhat impatiently on the day he was released from prison, in a time when news was much less live stream than it is nowadays. There are some mornings when I really don't want to get up and face the day. Nelson Mandela kept going. Maybe I'll put one of those wonderful quotes up in my bedroom.

We were surprisingly connected to the news last night and made much use of the internet. The extreme weather encouraged us to learn about storm surges. My daughter also shared some "so-scary-how-will-we-sleep-at-night" footage about super volcanoes that will wipe out the world, that she'd been learning about at school. But we also got to go ooh and ahhh at some very pretty close up snowflakes:

http://www.natureknows.org/2013/11/amazing-macro-photography-of-individual.html

I still love geography :) And I am increasingly a fan of social media and all its potential for bringing us together, inspiring us, supporting us through tricky times -well it's the people that do that, obviously. Let's keep being inspirational and supportive :D

Ms. Not-Allowed

My army camp access pass had been renewed with the word Mr by mistake. I carefully kept my joke to myself about how I could come along in disguise if that would help. It doesn't do to make such jokes on an army camp. Twice the guy asked if it should be Miss or Mrs, twice I replied Ms. The third time, I said Mrs, and asked was Ms not allowed, he said he'd not tried putting that in. So then, twice more his female colleague asked if he would try Ms. I smiled at her with gratitude for the solidarity. He didn't budge and my pass has Mrs on it. I could have asked for Dr to go on it, but I have no time for games about rank, and I don't like to reveal I'm a Dr in case anyone mistakenly thinks I can help them out medically.
I've no idea why it was so important to that guy and didn't get chance to find out - I shall remain grateful to the woman who knew the importance of standing up for what others would like. If the army is full of people with her attitude that can only be a good thing :)

plea for safer cycling

My friend who was knocked off her bike next week will still be in hospital over Christmas. I'm so impressed by her cheerfulness on facebook and her kind attitude towards the driver. I've been thinking I need another new phrase. (Remember how I discovered I could substitute "kill 2 birds with 1 stone" with "bake 2 cakes in the 1 oven"). This time the phrase is "there for the grace of God go I" - a phrase I hear sometimes and struggle with. I think it has NOTHING to do with God's grace that it wasn't me either hurt on the bike or driving the car. I don't think God keeps people from certain situations. I do see what people are getting at tho when they use it - and I don't get cross when I hear it as I understand that people are being sympathetic and grateful all at the same time.
I use my car around 5 days a week now, and realise it only takes a few seconds distraction to have fatal consequences. I can't imagine how awful I would feel if I caused someone pain - or even death - how hard must that be to live with? Also, I know what it's like to feel vulnerable on a bike - that swoosh as a lorry surges past, the exposure on a busy roundabout. Having found it difficult to arrange missing just 2 pick ups from school last week, I don't want to even begin to imagine what it would be like to be incapacitated for weeks. And this is without even thinking about the pain.

I cringed at the tactless discussion on the radio last night that with so many cycle deaths recently we need to teach better cycling skills. Maybe I missed a finding that has concluded all those deaths were as a result of dangerous cycling. The report was about how last year (I think) in 26 of 28 EU countries, more bikes were purchased than cars. I'm really pleased that cycling is taking off. And for the sake of my friends, kids, my self, and strangers, I want more done so cycling isn't so costly in human terms.

The gales kept me awake part of last night. I used the time to pray for the safety of everyone in them, and to give thanks for what I take for granted. Stay safe you drivers, cyclists, and big love to those already hurting.

blessings for all

No internet - nightmare! Not even on my phone for a while! Got to get to work tho so will have to keep trying later.
I declined communion this morning and 'just' had a blessing. At my usual church children join in as full participants so we break bread together. That's not the tradition at the school where communion is only for the confirmed. I didn't want to take it when my son couldn't - not that he will have noticed - so had a blessing instead. They are freely available, no matter what your age or beliefs. Hurrah!

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T'interweb seems to be working again now, phew!!!! I do so love my internet for so many reasons, and realised that now my girly has so much homework that needs access to the web, it's even more imperative that it works. As part of my attempting to mend it this morning, I pulled the whole computer desk out and gave it a thorough hoover behind. I've not shoved it back yet and consequently am typing in more sunlight than usual. Light is good. If you've not had enough today go get a few rays on your face quick before it sets for the day :D

no point crying over spilled milk

I think I have a pretty strong sense of smell - it's such an important sense. I often can still smell someone after we've hugged, I will sometimes smell a book when I open it, I love catching a whiff of something that reminds me of happy things/particular people. Tonight I quickly noticed a disgusting smell on my hands - but not quickly enough - and it took me a little while to locate its source. Our vicar had involved us all in a symbolic joining of our lights at the morning advent service. We each had a glow stick and connected them together to form a large circle. My son wanted to take them all home after, and having had an unfortunate incident with one a couple of years back, that I can still vividly remember, I asked him to be careful. Somehow tho, one leaked and a small amount of the corrosive, toxic, lethal, or at least just plain disgusting chemicals spilled onto the work surface, and I hadn't noticed and placed the milk lid there, picked it back up and returned it to the top of the milk. I noticed the smell, furiously scrubbed my hands and the surface, but didn't notice the milk lid was contaminated til much later. Obviously the milk was a brand new 2 litre one, and so I had to turn away whilst I emptied the vast quantities of it down the plug hole, silently apologizing to the cow who had produced it, the farmer and subsequent workers who enabled it to reach me. I'd had 2 sips of my brew and decided it wasn't worth the risk, so my sink has been much utilised tonight. I've not died yet. All the glow sticks, even the un-snapped ones, are now in the bin and again I apologize to those in foreign factories, who have to breathe in the odours everyday whilst making them, and those involved in the disposal of everything we just chuck away.
Tomorrow I shall try to be less careless.

get me out of here

My daughter has started watching I'm a celebrity and wants me to sit alongside her whilst she does. For someone who doesn't really do tele, this is a bit of a massive leap. Not only do I find this particular programme banal, but last night I started getting outraged - some of it looked like torture and I fail to see how it can be entertaining to watch someone struggle so much. Maybe it's because I'm not keen on crawling creatures myself and it was too hard to watch. But I was beginning to wonder how they gather together so many creatures and wondered how they felt about being caught, and then chucked in a crate to be swiped at. Why do we think it's OK to use creatures - even if they are "just" insects, to suit our own purposes?
In less grumpy news, we started putting decorations around the house and the kids have placed curtains of lameta from the tops of some of the doorways. It's about 50cm long so brushes the top of my head as I pass through. It's fun. We've not done this before - it feels like we're starting new Christmas traditions this year and that feels good. The weekend has been very hard though. I'm glad I can juggle work today from home.

let the preparations begin!

Today is the first day of December and also Advent Sunday. My day began bleary eyed threading silver cotton onto baubles as this year both children want little trees in their bedrooms.
I'm aware that many have finished their Christmas shopping, but now December is here and other events are out of the way, now is the time I _start_ to think about Christmas.
I'm feeling pretty lousy which isn't great timing as I have two Advent services today where I shall be cantor singing. What I really need is lots of fun and silliness and hope and laughter and joy. Let's hope there's lots of that in the start of the festivities here.