Letting go of resentment

Following from yesterday’s blog, I have been thinking further about the choices we make in terms of how we react to our lives circumstances. I know not everyone agrees with me on this, but I do think we have many choices, even when we are feeling at our least powerful. I frequently object when one of my children accuses me of “making them feel” something. I don’t think anyone can _make_ us feel anything. I understand only too well that if people are grumpy or mean, we can easily get dragged down too, and it can take a lot of positivity, persistence, or venting in a safe space, not to. But I still believe we have choices – walking away, staying put; getting clarity on who’s stuff it is and whether I want to listen to it or not. The times I have been most inspired is when I hear tell of people who in unimaginably awful situations, have held firm - who have shown love in the face of hatred from prison guards, or bravery despite the pull to despair.

The times I’m least proud of my actions is when I struggle with resentment. I get shouty with the kids at the unfairness of me having to do something that I wish I didn’t have to do – tonight, packing for a holiday they are going on and I am not. But resentment serves no purpose – I do have choices, all the time. So I can get clearer – if it does not make sense for me to go along with something, I can say no. I’m lucky to live in freedom and don’t actually have to do anything I don’t want to. Now of course there are many things I’d rather not do, but still have to for the sake of the bigger picture – and again I have choices. I can go through this divorce with bitterness at the cost and the emotional energy. Where does that get me though? Or I can leave behind my resentment, and whilst not necessarily actively enjoying the process, by letting go of the resentment, it becomes much less of a waste of my life. (There’s a statement I like along the lines of every hour spent in anger is 60 minutes of your life you won’t get back).

So, to all I don’t want to do, first I ask do I have to, does it make sense to? And if it’s right to do it, then what do I need to do in order to do it with grace and not resentment. At the end of my life I want to be able to look back and say that even the hard things I did from a place of love, hope and generosity.