be ok

It transpires not everyone is as concerned as I am with what the neighbours think. I'm guessing it's a middle-class obsession? I'm going to explore it in my next counselling session as it's definitely limiting my life. I spent a good proportion of last night worrying that the new neighbours would be upset by the noise from the teenager sleepover. In a bid to reassure me, my boyfriend texted me that it would be ok, they'd just knock if it was too loud. And so I tried to explain that were that to occur my humiliation would be immense so it would be far from ok. How funny that it seems like the worse thing in the world to be too loud. I suspect it's because I'd hate to be thought of as thoughtless.
Plenty to work on there. Wonder if I can find someone who will ease the resultant tension from my shoulders? Hug anyone??
But in happier news I returned yesterday to an unexpected large cheque for the solar power I generated. Getting the panels feels like the first major independent decision I made and so it's great to have proof it was a good one.
This morning I need to pretend I'm a man as I've been asked to read a non-inclusive version of an otherwise good reading. It's fine as I just remind myself it was written by a man so I am just saying his words as he relates it to himself - in my mind it makes the reading harder to relate to than an inclusive version, but that's me. And I'll wear an imaginary beard.
...
The imaginary beard worked for me, I threatened to stroke it as I proclaimed "but now I am a man" but I only did so in my head and several folk commented how nicely I read. Turns out I felt more dissonance over the line about not scoring wrongs - I know I've done that in the past so that felt more antithetical than announcing myself male.
And now, despite already swimming in leftover cake, I need to make another so it can be freshly sung over/candles blown out/cut on the birthday itself. Good job I love her :)