Learning new ways

For 46 years I have had ways of connecting people that I have tweaked over time but they have long served me well. In the last couple of months our situation has shifted and I am having to learn new ways whilst simultaneously grieving the loss of the old ways. Both learning and grieving are exhausting.(NB Grief is not a competition, yet I'm aware that many folk are grieving deeper losses and my noticings are not intended to belittle the magnitude of loss experienced globally as so many people have lost loved ones, or jobs and everything that goes alongside that.)

What I'm finding is that I'm having to adapt my standard ways of interacting which are very much based on proximity not distance. I don't just hug people (I'm so missing hugging people), I relish the power of touch and as you may recall from previous blogs, am intentional with touch - deliberate contact in the forms of a gentle arm squeeze, a hand on someone's shoulder, a specific loiter when accepting change. In a time of avoiding any contact whatsoever, I wonder how long it will be before I come into physical contact with friends, and if wariness of strangers touching will last for the rest of my lifetime?

Even at a distance, my go-to interactions are reduced. Time after time I automatically smile at folk and then realise that it can't be seen under my mask. If they were close (sigh) they'd see the crinkle round my eyes but from across the street there's no such clues and they pass without smiling back and we both are the poorer. If I know someone I can wave or holler but I don't feel able to do that to unknown people who would wonder who I was, half hidden already. Even with those I know it's tricky - conversing through a mask is just harder to project my voice so tone gets lost.

I'll persist and will find some new ways.