Like lots of us at the moment, I'm not my best self. I'm irritable, struggling to remember that everyone is doing their best. I'm angry with the government, with racism, with the seeming carelessness of strangers and also those I know. I want to be kind, patient, compassionate. I don't always manage it and my frustration seeps out.
I know that having a Tory government has a life and death impact at the best of times and right now we're not in the best of times. I can't change what it does tho, so have to stay focused only on my actions. I am cross by what I perceive as selfishness of some people but I'm not in their shoes so can't judge the decisions they make.
So what can I do instead of seethe helplessly with indignation?
I can keep noticing where I see others struggling too, and reach out instead of leave each of us isolated.
I have ordered some books to keep working on my own white privilege.
And I need to try and let go, when people make decisions different to those I'd make, even when they impact on me, I can choose to not respond ( its hard tho!). And be super gentle with myself. I'm doing my best too. None of this is easy.
Sunday, 31 May 2020
Saturday, 16 May 2020
Risk assessing in a capitalist culture
I’ve been encouraged to think about who should decide what risks to take in this pandemic and it’s led to some interesting musing - thanks Will!
Whilst I am generally a rule follower, I’m also a believer in protesting when we don’t agree with ways a government is operating so I do not think we should blindly follow state rules, especially when I believe a ruling party is acting in the interests of the elite rather than for the greater good. Hence the current guidance that we could go to a person’s house to view it if they were selling it or if we were paid to clean it but not because we love the people and want to see them - where’s the profit in that?
However this does not automatically mean I believe that individuals are best placed to make effective risk assessments either. Not because I think people are incapable, but because we have been raised within a capitalist system that encourages us to prioritise certain things (wealth creation, competition) over community, compassion and collaboration. I think we mainly have been led to believe that decision making should factor things like how much it costs us, how much we think we want it, the benefit to ourselves and maybe our loved ones. I do not think we are encouraged to make decisions that weigh up the impact on the planet, the consequences for people we have never met (for example who made the product we’re considering buying, who live in the place we’re thinking of going to Etc). I don’t think that’s an inherent selfishness, I think we generally are not given good information to make informed decisions as to do so might put us off the consumerism that is needed to perpetuate a capitalist market. Even with increased information (eg fair trade logos) until our earliest learnings are outside of an individualised culture, people will still struggle to make decisions that honour our inter relatedness. For capitalism to work we have to be robbed of our connectedness, we lose our understanding that we are all just as important as one another, that no one is expendable. Most of us are not supported to challenge this system, so the decisions we make are usually rooted in concern for self and monetary value rather than wider consequences. I hear people deciding to speed in some areas because they've decided they're less likely to get caught there - so risk assessment is based on potential personal cost (to ego, money or personal freedom) rather than assessing cost to the environment, likelihood of hurting someone else etc.
And I don’t deny it’s really tricky to weigh up so many aspects when there’s so much we don’t know. I believe we’re all doing the best we can- however we have been damaged by a culture that means our good thinking is clouded by an often unacknowledged bias towards money making, materialism and personal gain, that impacts unfavourably on some.
I'm working towards a society where people and leaders weigh up risk and decisions based on how it will affect the most vulnerable, and consider wider and long term consequences. Until then I will try to keep noticing how the decisions made by those with most power affect those with least. I will encourage people to keep figuring for themselves what is important and will challenge the assumptions that what is best for anyone is linked to their productivity, that instead we can choose to prioritize our mental health, our connectedness, and love - not money :-)
Whilst I am generally a rule follower, I’m also a believer in protesting when we don’t agree with ways a government is operating so I do not think we should blindly follow state rules, especially when I believe a ruling party is acting in the interests of the elite rather than for the greater good. Hence the current guidance that we could go to a person’s house to view it if they were selling it or if we were paid to clean it but not because we love the people and want to see them - where’s the profit in that?
However this does not automatically mean I believe that individuals are best placed to make effective risk assessments either. Not because I think people are incapable, but because we have been raised within a capitalist system that encourages us to prioritise certain things (wealth creation, competition) over community, compassion and collaboration. I think we mainly have been led to believe that decision making should factor things like how much it costs us, how much we think we want it, the benefit to ourselves and maybe our loved ones. I do not think we are encouraged to make decisions that weigh up the impact on the planet, the consequences for people we have never met (for example who made the product we’re considering buying, who live in the place we’re thinking of going to Etc). I don’t think that’s an inherent selfishness, I think we generally are not given good information to make informed decisions as to do so might put us off the consumerism that is needed to perpetuate a capitalist market. Even with increased information (eg fair trade logos) until our earliest learnings are outside of an individualised culture, people will still struggle to make decisions that honour our inter relatedness. For capitalism to work we have to be robbed of our connectedness, we lose our understanding that we are all just as important as one another, that no one is expendable. Most of us are not supported to challenge this system, so the decisions we make are usually rooted in concern for self and monetary value rather than wider consequences. I hear people deciding to speed in some areas because they've decided they're less likely to get caught there - so risk assessment is based on potential personal cost (to ego, money or personal freedom) rather than assessing cost to the environment, likelihood of hurting someone else etc.
And I don’t deny it’s really tricky to weigh up so many aspects when there’s so much we don’t know. I believe we’re all doing the best we can- however we have been damaged by a culture that means our good thinking is clouded by an often unacknowledged bias towards money making, materialism and personal gain, that impacts unfavourably on some.
I'm working towards a society where people and leaders weigh up risk and decisions based on how it will affect the most vulnerable, and consider wider and long term consequences. Until then I will try to keep noticing how the decisions made by those with most power affect those with least. I will encourage people to keep figuring for themselves what is important and will challenge the assumptions that what is best for anyone is linked to their productivity, that instead we can choose to prioritize our mental health, our connectedness, and love - not money :-)
Friday, 15 May 2020
Learning new ways
For 46 years I have had ways of connecting people that I have tweaked over time but they have long served me well. In the last couple of months our situation has shifted and I am having to learn new ways whilst simultaneously grieving the loss of the old ways. Both learning and grieving are exhausting.(NB Grief is not a competition, yet I'm aware that many folk are grieving deeper losses and my noticings are not intended to belittle the magnitude of loss experienced globally as so many people have lost loved ones, or jobs and everything that goes alongside that.)
What I'm finding is that I'm having to adapt my standard ways of interacting which are very much based on proximity not distance. I don't just hug people (I'm so missing hugging people), I relish the power of touch and as you may recall from previous blogs, am intentional with touch - deliberate contact in the forms of a gentle arm squeeze, a hand on someone's shoulder, a specific loiter when accepting change. In a time of avoiding any contact whatsoever, I wonder how long it will be before I come into physical contact with friends, and if wariness of strangers touching will last for the rest of my lifetime?
Even at a distance, my go-to interactions are reduced. Time after time I automatically smile at folk and then realise that it can't be seen under my mask. If they were close (sigh) they'd see the crinkle round my eyes but from across the street there's no such clues and they pass without smiling back and we both are the poorer. If I know someone I can wave or holler but I don't feel able to do that to unknown people who would wonder who I was, half hidden already. Even with those I know it's tricky - conversing through a mask is just harder to project my voice so tone gets lost.
What I'm finding is that I'm having to adapt my standard ways of interacting which are very much based on proximity not distance. I don't just hug people (I'm so missing hugging people), I relish the power of touch and as you may recall from previous blogs, am intentional with touch - deliberate contact in the forms of a gentle arm squeeze, a hand on someone's shoulder, a specific loiter when accepting change. In a time of avoiding any contact whatsoever, I wonder how long it will be before I come into physical contact with friends, and if wariness of strangers touching will last for the rest of my lifetime?
Even at a distance, my go-to interactions are reduced. Time after time I automatically smile at folk and then realise that it can't be seen under my mask. If they were close (sigh) they'd see the crinkle round my eyes but from across the street there's no such clues and they pass without smiling back and we both are the poorer. If I know someone I can wave or holler but I don't feel able to do that to unknown people who would wonder who I was, half hidden already. Even with those I know it's tricky - conversing through a mask is just harder to project my voice so tone gets lost.
I'll persist and will find some new ways.
Friday, 8 May 2020
Let it begin with me
Victorious is not a word I think I ever use. I don’t think it’s a winning situation if there’s a victor. My response to marking 75 years since VE Day is to post a video of Edwin Starr‘s “War, what is it good for “ as I worry that in a time of crisis there might be an eagerness to find something to celebrate, and the temptation to focus on partisan sacrifice rather than acknowledge every loss of life, civilian and military, from whatever nation on whatever side. I can understand a celebration of a war coming to an end (tho for many it didn't). I cannot however go along with the idea of hailing a victory, or the nationalism that can come with applauding soldiers of a winning side.
Forgotten me not
Since going into lockdown (a couple of weeks before most people as my girly was not well) I have not had much time to reflect. Adjusting to a new way of working has taken a lot of energy. Who would ever have believed that I’d lead online tech training? Not me, that’s for sure. But these are strange times.
As well as the steep tech learning curve, there’s been the less unexpected response of looking for how I could apply my existing skills to help. My phone listening has come into its own and I am grateful for a local organization that were so speedy in setting me up as a telephone befriender. We all need each other more than ever before and I’m spending a hefty chunk of my day connecting - via text, messenger, and the new hot phenomenon that is zoom. I’m having to try really hard to ensure I give my eyes a bit of a screen break. In this I’ve had the revelation that my burgeoning garden can be a blessing not a curse. The incredible weather has encouraged me out into it more than ever before and instead of the weeding being a dreaded chore I am finding pleasure in being out amongst the blossom. The wilderness only appears overwhelming if I see it from that perspective and instead I’m choosing to enjoy the forget me nots as well as picking some for distribution amongst neighbours.
I think a lot of us are also exhausted by what has been termed "anticipatory grief", the emotions surrounding the insecurity of what we may still lose, on top of the people and plans we have already lost.
As well as the steep tech learning curve, there’s been the less unexpected response of looking for how I could apply my existing skills to help. My phone listening has come into its own and I am grateful for a local organization that were so speedy in setting me up as a telephone befriender. We all need each other more than ever before and I’m spending a hefty chunk of my day connecting - via text, messenger, and the new hot phenomenon that is zoom. I’m having to try really hard to ensure I give my eyes a bit of a screen break. In this I’ve had the revelation that my burgeoning garden can be a blessing not a curse. The incredible weather has encouraged me out into it more than ever before and instead of the weeding being a dreaded chore I am finding pleasure in being out amongst the blossom. The wilderness only appears overwhelming if I see it from that perspective and instead I’m choosing to enjoy the forget me nots as well as picking some for distribution amongst neighbours.
I think a lot of us are also exhausted by what has been termed "anticipatory grief", the emotions surrounding the insecurity of what we may still lose, on top of the people and plans we have already lost.
Today I took out to the compost the fallen apart tulips my dad had sent. And yet even the dropped petals were beautiful. There really is still joy to be found in unlikely places.
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