Dawn chorus

For now I'm still sticking with my open window at night idea but I might have to rethink my evenings. Last night I read til 11.30 cos my book group book,  "wool" (I'm near the end and still don't know why it's called that) is a page turner.
I do like being woken by the birds. It's just I'm not getting enough sleep in between. Will have to be more disciplined for early nights :-)

The great outdoors

I love camping. How being outdoors me and I notice the changes in temperature,the fresh air in my nose and lungs. How long and happy the days are. How close to the ground I get to be. That reaching for my keys as I'm heading back to the tent then the joyful realisation that I don't need to unlock anything, I've left my possessions trustingly.
I'm less keen on the coming home, the endless washing, the trying to dry out vast swathes of dripping tent material by draping it over the banisters.
Maybe I should sleep with the window open tonight, to extend the feeling? Only the dog barks at every passing leaf and I could do with a good night's sleep...

You may do that

I'm really looking forward to this weekend 's scout family camp. Last time we went was lots of fun and I'm eager to spend time with my offspring. The theme is heroes. Whilst I expect this may be Marvel inspired for them,  I'm going to stick with my long time heroine Rosa Parks.  David LaMotte drew my attention to something she said so I've made that into a sign. He writes "When the bus driver on Rosa Parks' bus threatened to call the police and have her arrested her exact words in response were 'you may do that '. There is such power in those few words - claiming her own dignity and acknowledging that each of them had choices to make in that moment,  and that those choices would have consequences.  That's true for all of us"
I still don't fancy getting arrested.  But I do have a real clarity at the moment that other people's choices are theirs to make. That people can and will say and do whatever they need to, and they may do that and I don't have to fret about their decision making,  that is theirs.
I think each of us are heroes and heroines every day.  It's been good to hear of folk being wonderful in the immediate aftermath of the Manchester attack.  We each keep making a difference every day - if we choose to :-)

right here right now

As well as what is going on in my personal life, my nearest city is currently in the highest state of alert possible. I feel I'm living in uncertain times, but then I wonder if there are ever certain times? Throughout history people have had to face a whole lot of stuff, and even if there has been relative calm at a national level, there is not one of us who knows what is 'round the corner in terms of health or wealth or a whole host of other things. As I've discovered before, an advantage of uncertainty is that it forces me to live very presently which is no bad thing at all.
"Now" really is all there is and so for me I know that I'm meant to look in each moment for where I can love, where I can see good and where I can notice and delight in the joy. Other people will have a different take on their purpose in life but this is mine. In some ways I feel clearer and freer than in a long time. I've put on my favourite clothes instead of my old jeans because life really is too short to do anything else.
I've looked at a medicine woman card - something else I enjoy but rarely do - and was encouraged to write myself a letter as a wise person talking to myself - it was great. This might be far removed from your cup of tea but right now I'm revelling in what is right for me :) I hope you too can revel in what's right for you :)

unecessary

It's a long long time since I've read/seen Romeo and Juliet. I studied it at GCSE, and apart from the balcony scene, my abiding memory of it was just how unecessary their deaths were. I know it was a tragedy so that presumably was the point, but it still bothers me. I think we often make assumptions and don't always stop to see something from an external viewpoint and so end up making a decision based on what we think/feel/know rather than waiting to get a different perspective that could put a whole different light on the situation.
My daughter thinks my woolly scarf and snuggly cardigans are unecessary at the moment, but I'm not wearing them for warmth so much as being enfolded in them :)

Helpful

Love this quote I spotted: the mind is like tofu,  it tastes of whatever you marinate it in.

Struggled yesterday morning but fortunately had a friend au fait with my CBT homework who helped get my mind back into a more helpful state. This enabled me to get to the gig in the Pentecostal church which I knew would be what I needed. Lots of my favourite "I am not forgotten" and several unscheduled perfect songs like "I've got a feeling everything is gonna be alright"

Rush job

This week (as with every Christian aid week) has been very busy. I've been really rushed in my eating, I've been urgent in my conversations, and it will be good to slow back down. Last night, after a fun brief stint as an occasional bingo player I finally had time to breathe and reflect on the week, and lots of things caught up with me. But I made some overnight oats for the first time. I will have to play around with the ratios and ingredients as I'm not fully convinced by this trend, but I'll have another go.
Today has the potential for lovely things, it's down to me to release that potential :-)

Ground rice pudding

After a very soggy Monday evening during which my cardboard volunteer badge disintegrated, the subsequent evenings have been lovely for collecting. Having revisited 10 streets today I feel I deserved a second helping of rice pudding. It's not something I make often, but I miscalculated how much milk we needed so a friend suggested rice pudding, which has indeed used up a good amount. It's ground rice I have in, and there's something so comforting I wonder if it was my first weaning food and so it takes me back to my first experience of eating. I'll have to consult my parents.
Just 9 houses to return to after work tomorrow then that's me done :-)

Soggy

Whilst it's not delightful to go collecting in the rain, the biggest downside for me is that people are less likely to keep me chatting on the doorstep. I'd been hoping to hear people's thoughts on refugees. That's the theme of this year's Christian Aid week. There's time yet, I'll perhaps still hear from people who are, know and love refugees or who have other opinions. Meanwhile I did get to chat with some people about other things.
I'm hoping it's less soggy on the other evenings this week.

Tug of war

I knew I'd enjoy the wedding, tho I didn't realise just how brilliant it would be. It was very participatory and right up my street. I adored the game that involved trying to track down another random guest, as that involved lots of approaching and chatting with strangers. We all had the chance to share our words of wisdom to be read out, and as always at weddings the speeches were a joy, such an opportunity for people to share what they love about the people they are celebrating.
And then I got to do lots of my favourite things - singing, drumming, hugging people, telling strangers I loved them in a fabulous finale by the awesome band. Eating cake in abundance, but it was ok cos I danced harder than I ever have before, even getting stitch during some energetic madness numbers.

As well as participation, there was an emphasis on fun. I attempted a whole lot of throwing that I know I'm no good at but it was the taking part that counted, and even managed some scoring in the tin can alley, boule and beanbag game. I declined the welly wanging tho in the interests of everyone else's safety :-) There was silly dressing up for selfies. And my team may not have been the victors in the tug of war, but my hands are lovely and soft now from the rope exfoliation :-)

CBT

It's been a week! Fortunately tho I've now started my Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is great timing :-) The theory is familiar, what's ace is having someone alongside to help stay focussed on the practice. I really like the woman who is helping me :-) When we're experiencing the intensity of the emotion, it's brilliant to have someone outside of those feelings to assist. It's why I'm great at supporting others in their struggles but can find it harder to sort through my own stuff - I'm not feeling their stuff so can stay clear headed. I'm already someone who is self aware, so I can catch the thoughts that surface - she's going to give me a hand with what I then do with those thoughts, hurrah!

Off to celebrate a wedding now, really looking forward to it!

Joy multiplication

I've been looking for the joy today after a somewhat stressful week.  I started to list the joys I could recall from the last few days and one was the gift of chocolate from one of my girly 's friends when I came to collect them late from the cinema after their plans changed.  Another highlight was seeing some bluebells so that promoted me to go and seek some more.  I'm a firm believer that you see what you're looking for,  so if you actively search for what brings joy,  you will spot it.

And so I went to a bluebell wood.  Have you been to see any yet?

Louder louder

My only evening in this week and I did eventually settle to reading but first I had a karaoke session. I’d not been able to focus during choir the night before so it was good to have a proper exercise of my lungs. My boy was upstairs on some group internet thing so I didn't really go for it full blast, but I went through a fair few tracks. I’m still searching for a song I feel I could confidently sing if I ever I did public karaoke again.  I might be getting somewhere. With a bit more practice I might feel able to go for Run – the Leona Lewis version as that suits my range better than the Snow Patrol one. And for a long time I’ve loved the line “light up light up, as if you had the choice”.

Tonight's sound therapy,  after an inspiring church music practice,  was my tonguedrum.  I can't work out how to link the video but hopefully I will soon... 

la la living stones

I'm juggling even more than usual this week and only just managing. Each time I've come to cook the evening meal a key ingredient or several has been missing. Tonight I improvised and used a cup a soup in place of tomato puree. It'll be fine.

The planning of the Christian Aid service all seems a bit last minute too, tho there's still well over a week. I'm only just now thinking about music, like if there's anyone to play any kind of accompaniament. That will dictate what exactly we sing. Assuming something will come together (it usually does, like tonight's tea) then I need 4 hymn ideas on the theme of living stones. No time to send me answers on a postcard. So if anything comes to mind comment below/email me/text/send chocolate...
xx

Go on, try it!

I expected it to be chilly in the entrance to morrisons,  with the automatic doors swishing open so frequently.  I really didn't need my thermal vest tho and will go back with fewer layers for the final shift of the day.  Before then a rota of other volunteers are going to stand collecting and I'm hoping it will be a success.  I certainly enjoyed it,  smiling at strangers,  chatting with people I knew.
Also in the entrance is a kiddies ride that keeps emitting phrases like "go on try it" and "do you want a go?" and after an hour I was tempted but resisted.

Second shift was good too, and tonight I did another first (I've never done a bucket collection before without singing for it!) as I went to a mother's union meeting for the first time for a Christian Aid talk.
Busy busy.

Yawn

I'm not very good with houseplants.  It seems they don't thrive on a pattern of 3 days intensive watering then overlooked for the rest of the month.  I do better with children and pets,  you'll be relieved to hear I don't inflict the same pattern on them.
The tree behind is looking glorious,  as I'm not in charge of the watering of that.
I'm very yawny today, I'm not taking this bank holiday off but already looking forward to the next one when I'll be camping :-)