Escape

Maybe it's cos I'm reading a book in which a girl runs away,  but whilst hiring a bike for my boy,  I impulsively hired one for myself for 3 days and set off to see the nearby canal.

 It was a good decision and as a result I've started to relax.  I'm going to cycle to the Netherlands.  That sounds grand but it is probably less than a mile away.  Tomorrow we might all cycle to the Sahara.  I kid you not,  tho clearly it's not it's namesake in Africa. If we have Wifi again tomorrow I'll post pics.

appreciation

I'm glad to be having lots of screen free time and disconnecting from the internet other than to write this daily blog. I've not started to unwind yet tho and am not sure how to go about that. I've had a new realisation of how much I took my parents for granted! How do you free yourself from a desire for appreciation/gratitude? Maybe by appreciating myself so much that I don't need it from anyone else? I guess that's today's plan then.

Internet down for some of today anyway!

lost in translation

A translation of the word 'from' has resulted in a little confusion and no dishwasher, but we will survive that. More unsettling this morning was the discovery that the milk we had purchased was buttermilk. Fortunately we have brought some breakfast biscuits with us so all is not lost. I've never had a breakfast biscuit before, and with buttermilk tea it's interesting. Today I will pay more attention in the shop.
Did I mention already the trees? I love trees! I'm very happy with the view from the back window/door/terrace which also includes geese (or ducks, feel free to correct me when I sort out how to attach photo ).

hopeful

I think it's going to be good. I like the park, there are loads of trees, and our area seems quiet. I've not taken any photos yet, you will get something soon I hope. I'm feeling a bit dizzy from being up so early and travelling so far, so am off to bed soon.
I'm apprehensive as the monkey may have gone down with the bug, unless its extended seasickness. I'm kicking myself for not bringing the antibacterial wipes, sitting redundant on the side in the bathroom at home. I've had to try and work wonders with an antibacterial hand gel.
Keep your fingers crossed, I'll post again after a long lie in!!!!!

Not short of shorts

The Belgian weather forecast is nothing to write home about but I couldn't decide which of my shorts (cut off trousers more accurately) I wanted so have thrown them all in, unusually for me who weighs out every last item.
It's all in the car now so that when my alarm goes off at 4.45 I can just roll straight out of bed and set off. It will be fine.

The first cut is the deepest

Some painful experiences are more bearable when we have been through them before. I found giving birth the second time easier as I felt more in control and confident having been through it previously. Maybe because I had a clearer sense that I would get through it - the first time we do something hard we have no evidence that it is something we can survive.
And yet I think it's also possible to see how traumatic experiences get harder still with the layering of having been through similar before. When I go to funerals I feel again the grief of attending previous ones combined with the fresh grief of the immediate loss.
It would seem that I have more challenges to go through that I'm wary of as I didn't enjoy them first time around. I don't feel I have the strength to face things knowing how tough they can be. But I remember that quote that we have a 100% record of getting through the difficult days.
I'm not sure why I'm presented with my challenges in multiples rather than merely one at a time, I guess life is deep,  rich and complicated. Here's much love for all that's rich,  deep and complicated in your life too.

changed my mind

Maybe it's the heavy rain, which is having my dread the driving. Or perhaps it's this morning's hospital appointment, the unknown content of which is casting it's shadow over how I might feel later. But right now I don't feel like going on holiday at all. Given that I'm mainly looking forward to the chance to read, I could do that from the comfort of my own duvet without the stress of all the travelling and deadlines and costs. Its 150 quid just for the dog to be looked after for the week.
I'm sure once we're all underway I will enjoy it and we will create far more memories than just staying at home like every other day.
Of course all the negativity could just be an accumulation of stress that proves that I really need a holiday! Its been a tough few months, and in the run up to going away I find there's no time for the outlets that keep me balanced, I've not had chance to read or even any carefree singing. I'm hoping to get to choir tonight but it will depend how today goes. But we're nearly there now, just a bit more washing and packing and sorting, chivvying of others and tying up of work loose ends. Maybe then I will give myself permission to be happy?

bated breath

I'm on tenterhooks, waiting to see if my disinfecting efforts have paid off. I need to work on how to feel more relaxed about the rapidly approaching holiday. I'm hoping once we are there I can relax, but it would be great to not to have to wait til that point.
I've checked the ferry time and it's not what I thought I'd booked. I don't know why I went for something so ambitious, it means a ridiculously early start, something none of us are good at!!

It will all be fine I'm sure...

straight to screen

Collected my boy from his scout camp adventures and after a significant cuddle with the dog, he's then straight to his screen. To be fair, I would have felt bereft without my mobile for 4 days, but not because I'd miss games (scrabble is the only screen game I play).

I'm hoping I've been careful enough to have removed the germs before he got back. Fingers crossed.

near and far

North Yorkshire is nearer than I thought! How weird tho that it has a carnforth postcode! We will definitely go there again soon. Today we went to catch up with a wonderful friend currently residing overseas. I love how we pick up again immediately even tho a year since we last met.
Back home and it seems my girly has caught gastroenteritis from her baby brother. I'm on high alert with hand hygiene, the last thing we need is all to go down with sickness just as we're about to make a 15 hour car journey...

celebrating!

Non stop celebrating today in various ways. Firstly celebrating at a wedding by singing, it can be harder to celebrate when you don't know the people, but I always give it a good go, celebrating love is always worthwhile. I had a cry on the way back and the friend who took me held my hand and empathised - that connection was celebrated by me too, supportive friends are sooooooooooo important.

Then celebrating community at a feast for peace in Preston, by dancing along to drums, and hugging strangers.

And then family celebrations, a big birthday and the all clear from cancer. None of us know how long we get to spend with one another,  it's good to be grateful for every moment,  even the mundane ones,  and the less than perfect ones. My monkey is currently on scout camp,  where mobiles were banned.  It's so weird not being able to text him at any moment. I'll be glad when he's back :-)

Hope you too have much to celebrate :-)

school's out for summer!

It felt odd today, being at work when everyone else was at home. I'm going to have to get used to it as there's going to be a lot more of that. But I'm now done with work for the week and have a very full on weekend so I'm trying to get organised for holiday as this time next week I'll be boarding a ferry. I tried cancelling the milk but omitted to give the address where I wanted the milk to not be delivered to... might need to pay more attention to the rest of my plans...

been in a funny mood all day and don't know why. Tomorrow is another early start and non stop day so unlikely to get internet time. Had better get an early night...

lesson learned

I found a pretty, very round pebble in lytham. I picked it up and carried it for a while then remembered I already have plenty of clutter, so took a photo instead and left the pebble behind.
The dog is currently hoovering up various edible debris on the floor following the teenage end of term party. He seemed a bit surprised by the jelly baby.
I am not yet finished for the term, I have a whole week still.

tropical storm

I laughed out loud several times whilst walking the dog (this doesn't usually happen). I couldn't help but squeal when pelted with intensely heavy, fat cold raindrops. I'd not worn a coat, and I remarked afterwards whilst peeling off my drenched outfit that I've had wetter baths.
It was a fantastic contrast tho to the ludicrously hot night. I suspect the nation will be full of grumps today who didn't get enough sleep. It was great to be able to feel the fresh air, and a novel experience so a good way to start the day.

cool!!

Every so often I get to feel really glad about my pool buying decision - today is going to be one of those days!! Might be a fight to get in it after school tho as several folk have expressed an interest, funnily enough, with the temperatuure in the 30s.
I'm making the most of feeling in a good place at the moment, singing in the car and taking stuff in my stride. Hope you too can enjoy whatever your day brings.

...
Yay!!! Even I have been in for a swim. Perfect pool weather :D

Whilst having a pool might be cool, I'm now just hot and bothered and not convinced I will get any sleep in this oven of a bedroom...

quality not quantity?

At the birthday party I was at this weekend I shared with the host what had most struck me from my recently finished book. Following discovery of terminal illness, many patients at that point then became more able to enjoy and feel grateful for life than they had ever done before. None were given self help books (I enjoyed that comment, as it was written in a self help book) or any wisdom or strategies, but it was as if at that point they found the capacity within themselves and gave themselves permission to enjoy life. We don't have to wait til that point, tho I know it can be hard to remain grateful at times.

last night I got sucked into a programme that went on way past my bedtime and then I couldn't sleep. It then felt like the best bit of sleep i got was after my alarm went off and before i heard my daughters, 6 minutes later. So today I'm tired but there's lots to feel good about :)

of mice and moles

Sorry my blogging has been sporadic of late. There's been an abundance of challenges and I've not made the time to blog well - in discussing it with a friend last night who admires my discipline, I acknowledged that it's a good practice as it encourages me to look for what is appreciable and inspirational. Tho there is nothing wrong with moaning when we need to.

Yesterday was lovely, a fab mix of taking action (listening to young people and onlookers at a demo about lowering the voting age). And lots of eating of delicious food with friends. My favourite thing! I feel much happier as result and hopefully better able to cope with whatever today holds. So far the plan is to church and garden.

goings on

There has been lots going on.
I've not watched the news and will steel myself before doing so tonight, as I know that many people have been killed in another terrorist incident. My head shakes involuntarily just writing that. I was thinking today - and I'm not a historian - how I gather than in the past many people were killed in all kinds of battles and without good reason. So I don't know if we just know more now. But it hurts.
In happier news, both my offspring are currently hanging out with friends. Friends are so important.

I've finished one of my books on happiness. I like the teaching of the Buddha that hundreds of people can light a candle from the one candle and it doesn't make the original candle any shorter. Despite many goings on this week, there has still been much to feel thankful about. Hope that's true for you too.
Xx

Topsy turvy

Confused as to what day it is tomorrow having had a lovely day off midweek. Loved playing the new board game we have bought.
Thought it ironic that the presentation evening tonight that includes awards for those who have never made a mistake,  had given a fifth of us an invite with the wrong starting time.
And a man who has been whipping up tension against "foreigners" has been given the role of foreign secretary.  Unbelievable.

my kind of running

I'm watching a programme that has revealed that having a hot bath is better for lowering my blood sugar levels than exercise - woohoo! I've just put the hot water on :-) running a bath is definitely my kind of running!

the world keeps turning

I'm sorry. Every time I cough (which is frequently), it hurts my head. This makes sentence construction trickier than usual. There is much going on that I could be commenting on, a new prime minister, racism that needs challenging.
But right now, its bedtime.
One thing i've noticed when I have a headache is appreciating just how soft the pillow is - sometimes when things are not perfect we can appreciate better what we often take for granted :)

isn't it ironic

I think there is a line in the Alanis morrisette song "ironic"  about running for a train that then gets cancelled,  but I might not have that quite right.  Anyway,  it didn't do my body much good dashing having only just stuffed it with lovely tapas.  Ho hum. I'm glad the kids are at an age now when they would prefer to fend for themselves anyway.
Manchester has been good, we will return soon to the peoples history museum as I've not seen it properly since it was redone.

I had made up the lyric. Here's a great re-write by Alanis, with actual irony!
https://www.good.is/articles/isnt-it-ironic-not-really

night

I've spent a considerable chunk of today sleeping. My head is pounding and I think it's time to sleep again. Sad to have missed a party tonight, but doing everything is not an option and my body is saying "enough". We did a flash mob at a wedding today so the day has not been a write off by any means.

decamp

By the time I met up with my friend, having tried to squeeze an extra thing in on the way, I was ridiculously wound up. She was ace and encouraged me to sashay down the street rather than my stressy strides. We ditched the dog and my unnecessary polar neck winter jumper and settled on a bench in the park. I decided it was a lot like camping without the nightmare of trying to pack all the gubbins into the car to get there. We put the world to rights whilst the sun went down, the cloud patterns changing along with the subject matter, and by the end I had come up with a plan. Before work tomorrow I will go to my nearest charity shop to choose a random novel. I will also book in my penultimate massage of the set I booked. Next Wednesday I will take off as toil and will not don my uniform at all, even if the sky falls in.

Tomorrow eve I will decamp again to that field, with my book and the clouds, and even tho my friend won't be there, I will relax.

serotonin

Somehow, I've come to an end of the novels I have in my house waiting to be read. (This is partly cos the next one in a series is still £15 secondhand which is too much, and cos I whizzed through the latest book group one). And so I'm (reluctantly, I notice) starting yet another non fiction one (I have many of these on the go). It's an Oliver James one, and I can't help but sing the Fleet Foxes song of the same name. I'm going to be learning lots about serotonin, which is good as I suspect I'm lacking in it myself at the moment. It's not til the later chapters tho that I learn how to boost it. Maybe I should skip straight there as these opening chapters are not helping, and indeed exacerbating the issue - I'd forgotten how he is very certain that divorce is a terrible thing for its participants and children involved (I agree, but it doesn't help reduce the guilt).

I have several DVDs with children's shows from my childhood. I'm having an evening with Paddington :-) I watched all 13 episodes :-)

last minute

I'm parenting by the seat of my pants even more than usual. 2 minutes before leaving this morning my monkey announced he needed ingredients for food tech. I didn't rise to the challenge very well, but we did cobble sufficient together, so I guess we managed. Tonight I've discovered the one of my offspring isn't supposed to be going to school tomorrow because of the strikes. I really don't feel on the ball at all.
I definitely had other ideas to put in this blog, but they have disappeared from my grasp...

smelling the roses

I'm grateful to kind and dedicated gardeners who have roses at the edge of their garden so that I'm able to stop and sniff them from the pavement. I frequently do, to try and keep perspective of what is good and lovely, even when things feel hard.
Today I have bought myself some lilies, they are on their way out so reduced to just 19p. I probably got my 19p's worth just smelling them on my way home with them.

listening in lancaster

Was very pleased to be part of today's listening event. Hopefully there will be something similar every Saturday for the next few weeks. Lots of different organisations supporting it, people of various faiths and none, 8 of us listeners. We gave out safety pins to those wanting them. Great to connect with some folk I've not seen in a while. And I was given the leftover free flapjack to redistribute. I managed a few random acts of free flapjack giving, but lots turned it down so I will try again with that tomorrow.

Halle

My dad will be jealous that we got to listen to the Halle orchestra play Jupiter from holzt's planet suite. Too late at night to tell him now. 19,240 of us were in Heaton Park - the number of British soldiers killed on the first day of the battle of the Somme 100 years ago. Tho I suspect some tonight didn't show, put off by the rain.

I would normally decline a thin plastic rain poncho on environmental grounds, even a free one. And so I did, tho quickly regretted that so requested one elsewhere, and was very glad of it. A good consequence of rain is clouds and there were some spectacular ones on the way home.