insomnia

I don't recall having insomnia before but recently i'm finding my eyes are burning with tiredness by day, and especially evening, but the moment I get into bed I can't sleep, and then I wake several times throughout the night and can't coax my mind away from planning work.
Today I will take steps to improve this.
Yup, I've taken steps. I've also not really stopped working for the last 12 hours. Time for a bit of downtime in the hope I sleep better tonight :-)

electricity and flux

There hasn't been any electricity at work for several days, so no internet, landlines, light or heat. It is going to be interesting - brew before I go in as there won't be one there! After some work huddled alone in the office I'll decamp tho and today we are saying goodbye again as the end of a project kicks in. So much change. Tho I do for some reason like the word flux so it's not all bad.

list of what I want to make

Peace with myself
The loft into a living space
Time to ring my parents each day
Music in a jamming session
Photo albums out of my photos
Space in each day for me to just be

I've been invited to be part of a writing group where we are given prompts to encourage our writing. This was the first. I was honoured that someone considered me a writer, but as I write each day i guess that it's true.

Today is so far wet and we don't have a plan b for meeting up with my friend in the park but hopefully all will be well. The universe is on my side as I tried to check my work email to save time tomorrow but it didn't work and says I will have to try again later.

No need for a plan b, Lancaster was beautiful for the whole time we were there together. Working this eve in order to fit everything in this week.

weary wellingtons

If I was asked for a song request, my response for these last few days would probably be bridge over troubled water. With kindly concern yesterday it was noted that I look tired and I agreed I feel weary. The questioner was gentle and checked I have safe spaces to unburden (yes) and maybe something like a holiday to look forward to (no, tho I'm looking forward to HUG).
I'm halfway through my Easter break now and haven't checked my work email. Yesterday I didn't eat any chocolate at all (I did enjoy a small bowl of trifle). Today I have a lot of driving (fingers crossed the car makes it) and will be good to spend the day with family, I'm hoping many of us will do a ghyll walk. Wellies and spare clothes needed.

Home again now, journeys were ok. Hours and hours without Wi-Fi or chocolate, its like I'm doing lent back to front!

chocolate

I keep eating too much chocolate and other delights that are not good for me, until I feel sick and regretful that I ever started. One of the difficulties with addictions is that once you start it is hard to stop at a sensible point. And if it is in the house it is hard to resist in the first place. An obvious solution is to have little or no temptation around, to buy little and often rather than stockpile. I wonder how other addicts manage with this? If it is not easy to buy whatever your poison is, more than a daily amount must be purchased in one sitting, only then it is There.
It's not easy to buy any addictive substance on Easter Sunday, lots of places are shut. Chocolate isn't hard to come by tho. Here's hoping I can find the required willpower. Or maybe I will still feel so ill that I won't want any? (Addictions don't work like that tho do they.)

We picked "sing to God with joy and gladness" to open this morning's service with. I think it's important to keep striving for gratitude. Joy is always an added bonus but not something that can be enforced. I will keep looking for it and hopefully by the time we come go sing will have found some.

A bomb in a park by a playground with many families out on Easter Sunday. No wonder the joy is hard to spot.

intimacy and emotionality as radical tactics

Today is much better. I connected with a few folk ( and by connected, it can mean they just reminded me they were there. As I was working there wasn't opportunity to phone a friend for a good cry. Those little reminders I am not alone are all I need sometimes ).

I saw and shared an ace quote about intimacy.

"Kiss your friends' faces more/ destroy the belief that intimacy must be reserved for monogamous relationships / be more loving / embrace platonic intimacy / embrace vulnerability / use emotionality a radical tactic against a society which teaches you that emotions are a sign of weakness / tell more people you care about them / hold their hands / tell others you are proud of them / offer support readily / take care of the people around you "

One of my fab colleagues responded by asking if we are upping our game (she has already had to point out to her partner that my many text declarations of love are nothing to be threatened by ). Much of this list is already the mantra by which i live. Face kissing and hand holding less usual but to be explored more. Its tricky tho as whilst I want to encourage us all to get closer physically and emotionally, some people (and their partners) find it threatening, and I come bearing encouragement not threat.

I was out longer than anticipated and received a text from my boyfriend enquiring if I was waylaid kissing strangers. He knows me so well :-) tho it wasn't a stranger,  it was a friend :-)

Sunday will come

I hate that feeling of emerging from sleep in the middle of the night and being hit by the memories of the things that are worrying you, that will have to be dealt with when you're awake.
I have a relaxing bath scheduled for later. Will have to figure what else I need to do to shake off the weight of the world.

Work done, and even managed to finally get some of that rubble to the tip, I knew it would be busy as its that kind of a day. Queueing to get in.

At my girly's behest tea was pitta and hummus, perfect avocado, beetroot and salady bits. I sometimes forget just how much I enjoy that kind of meal. There's a vanilla custard slice for afters too :-)

lunch

No more packed lunches to make for a fortnight - yay!!
And even tho I'm working Good Friday, I'm taking the tuesday off so I still get a 4 day weekend - more yay!!

Got to dash now tho. More later (tho I'm working tonight too after today's full day meeting, so don't be holding your breath now)

I'm glad you're not holding your breath.
I'm tired and lacking in the happies. Tomorrow is a new day.

always on my mind

If I remember, I'm hoping to listen tonight to Radio 2's special on the Pet Shop Boys. If I had to pick just one band that reflected my teenage years, it would be them. Encompassing my first snog at a nightclub to "west end girls", and falling asleep night after night to the wistful "it couldn't happen here," I'm not sure what it was about them that resonated. I don't think it was the lyrics, and I don't ever listen to them now unless there is a track on the radio. I will be curious to see what I make of the documentary and how it impacts on me.
There's a long day before that tho. I was called a silly goose last night and loved it as it was an affectionate text that made me smile. Mainly tho I feel weary and at full capacity and hope that nothing extra comes in today.

spilt milk

We were rationing the milk this morning, as last night my boy and I made a cheese sauce together as part of tea (yay, I love cooking with my boy!). So when I then spilt some at breakfast, I cried, despite the proverb. I disagree you see, I think there is purpose in crying when things are frustrating and sad, far better to get it out than push it down.

Things do feel both sad and frustrating at the moment. Today I shall wear my Teflon cloak to remind myself not to hold on to other people's stuff. Our "patterns", default ways of interacting, can be very useful. What is not useful (for us) is when we get so entrenched in whatever our modus operandi is, we don't feel able to _not_ do something. We act because we have always acted that way and sometimes don't even notice, or reflect and make choices.

I could get a medal in reflection (it would be shiny and reflective, obviously), but I know it's not everyone's thing.

Yay!!!!!! I got offered a part in HUG :D :D :D
http://veritystanden.com/hug.php

refillable

What price sleep? Neither the dog nor I slept well last night, but the vets bill this morning was a teeny fraction of the price it would have been yesterday so I think the right decision was made.

I came across this quote yesterday,
"People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point. The glass is REFILLABLE"

Subdued day. Early night beckons.

heavenly harpist

There was so much yesterday to appreciate. I could even see the benefit of loosening of control - as a passenger I got to delight in all the twinkly lights of Runcorn by night. I do enjoy string instruments so was excited to see a harp, and I think the band's music was much enhanced by the string quartet (plus some kind of enormous saxophone).
Today I'm tireder than a tired thing. Lots of churchy things this morning and lunchtime.

it's not been the best of days. I'm about to scavenge for more chocolate, I wonder if I still have some hidden away? Did you know the fee to see a vet on a Sunday afternoon starts at £133.93 before any treatment costs. And so we have self medicated the dog and will take him first thing tomorrow. In dealing with one kitchen incident, it created another, but the good news is, right now there is nothing on fire in the kitchen. And I've inadvertently ordered balloons printed in Welsh for Christian Aid week. Never mind.

Wrexham

Having spent yesterday in Scotland in my imagination, I will be spending this afternoon in Wales for real. I don't believe my car would make it, so I'm going to be driven, and we will go to a gig, my boyfriend's favourite band.
Prior to that tho is my audition for HUG - I will hug people on arrival no doubt, as that is my style, but I don't think we are being tested on that element. I'm a little nervous and being full of cold doesn't help, but all should be well.

Audition was lots of fun, and also challenging,  so now need to wait and see if I get offered a place.  Would be awesome to work with those people for a week,  and would stretch me.  But I'd never done hocketing before or reindeer calling so it was all a steep learning curve and I may not have confidently hit enough of the right notes.  It was a joy anyhow :-)

Lots of new experiences today,  I've now been in a standing bar. And polish dumplings for tea. Waiting now for gig to start.  Tonight is a new thing,  with an orchestra...

Home and shattered after such a full and culture filled day,  will tell you all about it in the morning!

wish fulfilment

Shhhh, don't tell anyone but I'm running away. I'm going to cycle to Scotland on my special bike that means I feel the fresh air and sense of exhilaration but actually it doesn't take too much energy or time. I'm going to find some mountainside next to a loch and set up a den. I think I'll build it from branches - I'll need some kind of shelter cos there is going to be all kind of weathers. I'll enjoy feeling the impact of each, but it will not last long and my clever clothing will mean I don't stay wet or cold. In fact I'm going to be lovely and toasty but not restricted - that might be down to the marvelous soft snuggly blanket I'm taking. My magical rucksack is already packed (and not by me). It has an unending supply of lovely comestibles, assorted hot and cold drinks, a range of delectible snacks and all kinds of substantial filling nourishing foods too (yet weighs barely anything - amazing!).
The changing light is going to be incredible just to sit and watch and drink in. Tho I'll have a book too just in case I want to read. And I might try some singing out loud, and my voice won't just disappear, there will be resonance and I will feel in awe of the landscape's majesty and also undoubtedly connected to it.
There are not going to be any creepy crawlies, no phone, no media spewing out horrors and impending doom. No demands, no responsibilities. Nothing I have to sort out. But I won't be lonely. I'm not sure if I'll stay overnight tho, I don't think it would be so good once it's dark, so once the sun has beautifully set, I'll click my fingers to be back in bed, where my mattress will feel especially soft after the somewhat firmer hillside.

In my earlier parenting days I read of an ace strategy about wish fulfilment. I used it to good effect a couple of times and this morning am using it on myself. Sometimes when someone expresses an unrealistic desire, the temptation is to respond with a dont-be-so-silly. Far more empowering is to encourage them to run with it and see where it takes them. I've enjoyed mine this morning - I think it's probably important to reach a place of fulfilment with it - I'm not left now with regret that instead I'm off to Blackpool to work. Somehow having fleshed it out, my plan is safe.

Given time constraints of needing to leave for work now, i've nipped out into the back garden instead and felt some bark and grass for a bit instead. I'm glad I have a sense of what I need and will find little snippets where I can today. Hope your wishes come true too :)

One of my lovely colleagues suggested I stay for the northern lights rather than clicking my fingers as soon as it darkened. That's the good thing about sharing your dreams, people can help you expand them :-)

ginger kittens

Me surrounded by various
 pets I grew up with

When I need to visualise something lovely, my default is often ginger kittens. fluffy and cute and a happy memory from when I was little.
How pleased was I then when at the recent church auction, there was a wooden jigsaw - my favourite kind with the thick unusual shaped pieces - with ginger kittens on it. Even better they are edged in blues, the sort of deep blues I like.
It's possible that my new job will entail me working nearby on thursday, which I'm glad about, but I won't be based at home anymore, so sneaky jigsaw puzzling in between calls and emails will no longer be possible. (And just to be clear for those of you who don't know how much of a good girl I am, my timesheet is always very clear and in ten minute bursts, and non-work I do doesn't ever get counted as work time!!).

Yesterday journalist Steve Becker died suddenly at 56. He interviewed me a few years back at an event at Kirkham prison, and we got on like a house on fire. We really do have to make the most of now.

endless road to rediscover

I'm a bit wound up at the moment about something new for me, a road untravelled. I've been trying to think who amongst my friends has experienced similar and can't really think of anyone. But we don't need to have experienced something ourselves to be able to support one another. And into my work bag I have slipped U2, David LaMotte, and a big slab of chocolate.
I'm grateful that there is singing tonight.

buzzard

Yesterday I was even more emotional than usual. Lots of feelings to be felt, doubts to explore and hopefully diminish. A day of being vulnerable as I took a peek at some of the hurts.
And as I said there were many gifts.
Uniquely, I enjoyed watching for a while a buzzard soaring above.
And I was nudged into taking the opportunity to thank a friend for their significance in my life. I try and let people know as often as possible what a difference they make in my life - maybe this is more for me than them, but I do think lots of us don't have a full awareness of our significance.

I have a full work meeting today and have decided to walk there over the fields. Wonder what gifts I'll spot today.

My head is very full. What a brilliant walk to work tho! Shame it was a one off meeting.

Is it bedtime yet (7.30pm).  But how cute is this dog on my knee?

people get ready

I'm already a bit anxious about Fitting Everything In once the new hours start so my plan is to get ahead of myself in advance. This morning I want to finish ordering the Christian Aid Week resources for example. And if I can maybe build up my hours in my other hjobs I will have a head start.

Meanwhile tho, I've been a bit derailed by an amazing blog that has touched some deep unhealed stuff. I'm so delighted to have come across it and have signed up to get it daily, tho right now can't handle more than the one I just read. I think lots of us are often alarmed when people get upset, but as you perhaps know, I'm of the view that feelings are best held up to the light rather than buried, so I'm always grateful when I get opportunities to identify my struggles so I can move through them, rather than leave them festering inside. It is perfect that I have a counselling session to start my morning/week - am going to have to work out how to keep those invaluable sessions going despite the time squeeze. I've been counselling now, most weeks (there have been holidays!) for 15 years. When I told a friend this the other day, she said that explained why I am so zen. I don't know about that, but I do know I would not have coped as well with life's challenges if I hadn't had that safe space to offload, reflect and re-evaluate all that has been going on so that I could continue stronger and clearer. If you don't have your own safe space yet, I'd encourage you to create one (or several!!).

So many gifts today, so much to be grateful for, such as the beautiful sunset. Also lots of recognition and wisdom from friends.

carpet of crocuses

Wonder where the phrase no rest for the wicked comes from? Probably that if you are up to no good, you always have to be on the go to escape being caught? I'm far from wicked but busy nonetheless, leading Sunday school (with some chocolate tasting, wonder if any will be left over? ) then straight into a music rehearsal for Easter. This afternoon should be restful, with a dog walk planned to ensure a friend and I get an overdue catch up.
I'm tired from yesterday's far flung meeting, I'm glad I don't usually have a commute to work. I hope I can leave a couple of minutes earlier this morning so I can detour to take a photo for you of the crocus carpet I spotted yesterday but was too dark to snap.

lovely spring day, did a bit of tidying in the garden as well as everything else :-)

baked Alaska

How exciting! I had more of a delve into my blog stats and there is a map of the world highlighting my audience. So, hello Alaska! Feel free to introduce yourself if you are still reading, my Alaskan friend :-)

Having seen the locations of some of you, Birmingham seems less far afield. Still a very early start tho.

Up, washed and dressed before my alarm, hope the day continues thus!

Signal intermittent on the train.  I'm struggling to concentrate on my book.  I feel like relaxing is hard at the moment.  I gave up on my jigsaw and packed it away,  and this book is taking ages. But that's ok. I'm enjoying watching the landscape pass.  Lots of trees reflected in standing water.  Some beautiful half timber houses. Some passengers are talking quite loudly,  I'm never a fan of that,  I often get annoyed with my kids if they are loud in a place where others are, such as eating out.  It's interesting isn't it,  how we are all different and have varying ideas on what's ok and what isn't. I'm glad we're all different.  And yet I'm also hoping the louder passengers are getting off soon :-)

A useful meeting and I always enjoy the quaker venue.  Tired now and feels a long way home still.  But not as far as Alaska ;-)

Teeny delay,  home and no turnaround time to go and pick up girly.  Finally back for good, hurrah.

Any dream will do

Unsolved mystery of the week centres around the paradoxical opening line of "Any dream will do" - how can one draw back a curtain and see for certain, if one has just closed ones eyes? Is the suggestion that we are closing our eyes in order to dream and the curtain is the veil of uncertainty that goes as the dream unfurls? That's not how I dream but I find it interesting that I've sung it for years and pictured it as a standing by the window and pulling back of a curtain, and only now ponder about the closing of the eyes.

Anyhow, the CD has become a bit repetitious, I'll have to put in something different today.

I must be unwell,  I'm actively looking forward to my cup a soup! Yes, it's warm and smooth.  My cold is not going to stop me singing tho, and hopefully it will be ok for tomorrow,  a v long work day in brum.

fizzy cake

That last muffin, the one that has sat around for nearly a week, everyone either too polite to take the final one or preferring the more recently baked brownies. Well, I thought I'd finish it off, and even though I could tell it was a bit fermented I thought I'd carry on. I'n hoping my gut won't regret it today, there was a definite fizz about it, the taste of which hung about in my mouth as I went to sleep.

I keep dreaming of new babies - maybe not surprising given my line of work, but I suspect it's more to do with new starts.

I only caught a smidgen of a radio piece about the emotions we can literally feel in our gut, and how what we eat impacts of our mental and emotional health. It's true that I feel things in my tummy - butterflies for example (not actual butterflies, obviously, being vegetarian. I know some people eat insects, but that thought in itself makes my tummy churn). I often talk to parents-to-be about the importance of lining our baby's gut with colostrum as it is so spongy and needs that natural coating - now I know we can feel emotions there it has me think there's lots more to consider.

But not right now, as I'm off for the last time to a particular clinic. I was reflecting with a friend at choir last night how lucky we are that we enjoy (for the most part at least) our work, that there are people who everyday dislike going, which to me seems such a shame when it takes up such a large portion of our existence. My newest blog reader has an interview today and I feel that fizz of excitement at the potential of a new job - new people to interact with, new challenges to rise to. (Here's hoping that fizzy feeling isn't just that muffin.)
...18 hours on and my tummy is fine so I think I survived the cake. Food tech this week brings us cherry crumble. Nom, perfect pudding on such a cold day, there won't be any of that left in a week's time!

when two scarves go to work

Today I would like to be cocooned and snuggly - whether this is to do with the cold that I still have, or the grief, or the worries about upcoming change I don't know. I've contemplated taking my sleeping bag to work (it's one with a hood and drawstring neck) but know I wouldn't be able to write my notes or even hold my phone to my ear, so it wouldn't work at all. I'm wearing two scarves instead, in case it's a two scarf day.
I sometimes think of myself as lazy, in that I don't start my main job til around 9.45. But that means I overlook that I'm at my home desk before 8 in the morning. I've already composed various emails, and texts, tho I won't send the latter until it's a more sociable time.
I'm feeling pleased with myself as last night I barely went on my tablet at all. I'd got into a good habit of turning off my computer around 5pm, but then into a bad habit of checking work emails on my tablet the whole evening anyway. But last night I didn't. When we notice something needs changing, we can choose to do something about it :)

Singalonga Joseph and his technicolour dreamcoat helped lift my spirits on my way to work and I didn't leave an hour early this week so that's good. Will be good to sing tonight too.

We're one, but we're not the same

I've been reading this morning how U2 recorded three different videos for their song "One", three differing interpretations. As everything I guess, it's what we make of it, rather than necessarily what it is intended to be. We have no control over other people's interpretations of what we say or do, even if when we create something we have one particular thing in mind.
Yesterday I saw this interesting quote:

A child is so desperate to be acknowledged that even inflicting pain on someone he loves can seem like a small victory over insignificance

I think lots of us battle with insignificance, as I've said several times here. Today I shall reflect on that, see what I can do to contradict it.

Been feeling sad today. Maybe it's cos there is a bit more space to grieve now. A gentle evening, methinks.

flexible

Hmmm.
Today is my last free working from home day before my new role begins. I feel I ought to try and get all of my remaining hours for jobs 2,3 and 4 squeezed into it. As well as finish my prep for Christian Aid Week Whilst I Still Have The Chance.

My new role, with its extra hours, is going to require considerable juggling. I reckon I will earn around £23 a week more. But this morning I've calculated the cost of getting to and parking at the new place of work may be around £30 a week. This is not the best way to start this week. Nothing is ever about the money and it will all be fine, it always is. I'm sure I'll find a flexible way forwards.

Several steps forwards, even if not everything crossed off my list by a long way. Will just keep reminding myself all will be well and that This is it so we need to make the most of the now.

A tes souhait

Went to my friend's exhibition with some amazing pieces, several made from or incorporating maps, in thought-provoking juxtapositions to get us thinking about refugees today and historically.

I'm very sneezy, good job I have lots of tissues. Hope it doesn't impact on my taste buds too much,  mother's day is a great eating day :-)
There was a clever cheese on toast concoction with a heart shaped egg nestled within. And brownie with a hot fudge sauce, nom nom!

hair today gone tomorrow

There have been a couple of comments this week about how long my hair is getting and indeed shaving it is on today's to-do list. Last night I dreamed that when i let it down it was long enough to plait down my back. Sometimes I miss that. (For those of you who don't see me in real life, by long, my hair is currently around 2cm, so there is no letting it down except in my dreams).

I enjoyed a debate on radio 4 yesterday as I drove between locations at work. It was about both women and men hiding their grey hair. I hadn't before noticed the shift in terminology, how we used to talk of dyeing hair, but the homophone wasn't cheerful so that moved to rinsing, as if you could rinse away the grey, and today the talk is of colouring hair and the emphasis is on injecting fun. Instantly I wondered if my refusal to "colour" means I'm viewed as both boring as well as old.

How happy then, was I to be reminded by a wise woman on the radio of the profit making mantra - create anxiety; suggest a solution; make money. I think it can sometimes be tough to stand against this, but that is what I want to do. A blokey on the show claimed it was hypocritical to not colour your hair in a bid to be natural, if you also wear deodorant to mask your body's natural odours. Not that I have to justify my decisions to him or anyone else, but I can choose to resist the culture of creating insecurity about how we look and age, without having to eschew deodorant or toothpaste.

As always, I'm not here having a go at anyone who colours their hair, wears make up, or has plastic surgery to change their body, as we all get to choose what is right for us and the life we want to live. I do myself tho want to keep pointing out how money is made by the dissatisfaction that is stirred up about our beautiful, short lived selves. I don't really want to spend any of my numbered breaths doubting my gorgeousness or altering myself to fit somebody else's idea of how I should appear.

(Interestingly, I wrote this blog, which as far as I'm aware, is unconnected to my FB account, and then for the first time - as far as I've noticed - there is an ad in my FB feed for some hair dye so that I don't have to be "held back" by my greys, I can carry on being me. So I can't be me with grey hair? Surely that is me? And is FB reading my blog??)

Softly beautiful

Early start today (tho not as early as the 2:20am I woke at).

The snow that is falling apace is pretty, but not going to help me in getting to lead my workshop on time. As you can see, I've not even dealt with the impact of our last weather, when yesterday the table got blown over. The flakes are massive - lovely soft amorphous barely held together clumps. I do enjoy snow, though not when I'm driving in it. I shall endeavour to enjoy the prettiness (and leave even earlier than I had planned!!)

(I was right, it took much longer to get in, but I managed my extra hour, no leaving too early today!)

My best friend noticed how the snow has cleaned my car - useful as well as beautiful!

air traffic controller

I made it to the last bit of choir last night, after work, and as I sat there I spotted my socks didn't match. I'm definitely more prone to mistakes at the moment and I think we should all feel glad that I'm not an air traffic controller. I hope they get loads of time off for compassionate leave rather than come back too soon.
So, along with air traffic control, another career I'm really clear I'm not going to enter is funeral directing - I can see that in some ways I'd be good, but I also realise the responsibility would just be too much for me, every day. I have learned tho to be more vigilent in looking out for corteges - I was really impressed how many people let my car follow the official cars in front, because they had worked out I was part of the funeral procession. I don't think I'd have been that sensitive before but I will now.

I've got my winter sheep jigsaw out to remind myself to take some down time and to go gently whilst I recover from what has been a tricky fortnight :)

I've not brought any planes down today :-)

3.50am

Not sure if it is the hail that has woken me or the residual stress. I'm hoping things will begin to calm now, and am keeping my fingers crossed that the car behaves today, would hate to breakdown in what sounds like hideous weather! The mechanic we saw on the way home said that the cap from underneath the car which had come off on the way there wasn't important, but I'm still dubious. Surely no part is put on a car for no reason, it must have some purpose! We are now on the lookout for a different car, tho can't stretch to a hybrid.
I'm looking forward to being back at my main job today, having been off longer than when I usually take annual leave. I'm working tonight too with only a short window for an early tea. Must try to look after myself in that gap.

I must be tired. I was determined to get back on time today so battled to get away only just after quarter to. It was only when I was nearly home that I realised it was an hour earlier than I thought it was. Fortunately my boss thought this was hilarious, tho it means I'll now have to work a longer day on Friday. I've had a cup of tea tho and now chance to check work emails before heading out for my other job.

Pot noodle at 9.45pm might not be the best in terms of looking after myself but tomorrow Is a new day, and there is definitely going to be lunch.

daffodil shoes

Somehow it hadn't occured to me that it might rain. Maybe cos the eulogy I've written is all about how sunny my grandma was. So now I'm abandoning my flimsy shoe plan and may well end up in my work shoes. It doesn't matter. Plan is to get an early getaway as the m6 can't be trusted. Funeral is at 11.30, maybe the rain will have finished by then anyway.

Yes, It did. Funeral was fine. Car was not. But we made it there (despite worrying sounds and something dropping off, pic 1). We made it back (despite need for door to be taken apart at a garage, pic 2, unrelated to incident on way.)
And now I need a rest.