Public sleeping

I'm wetter than a wet thing. Folk on this afternoon will hopefully bring cheer. Meanwhile when it was drier, earlier in the festival,  it was great to snooze lying at a venue, surrounded by strangers, absorbing the live music.
I was at my friends caravan yesterday for a gathering and we were all asked what our best bit was so far. I was reminded of how I used to ask my son as part of his bedtime ritual what his favourite bits of the day had been and he would invariably answer now. And so yesterday my answer the best is always now, so this is the best.

Dampened

Rain can dampen spirits. We have spent a happy afternoon in the big top, playing uno and catching up with old friends, the band an atmospheric extra.
I'm glad tho to now be heading to my friends caravan, clutching my pot noodle :-)

Mossy church

I love the play on 'messy church' in the outdoor environment where we got to match up shades of green fromnatural things we could find. I have spent most of the day carrying around a little hut my son made,  whittling sticks and thatching with foliage.

Pic once i get home :-D

off to the bright field

Today's the day! I couldn't sleep much last night with the excitement!! I have figured I've been going for 22 years, though have missed maybe 3 or 4 when we were in Ireland and for a wedding. So that's only 5 or 6 more than my girly. We're taking one of her friends with us, so that will be a new experience on many fronts - I'm really glad she's coming (we tend to be less grumpy when we have another person in our midst for a start) tho I'm a teensy bit anxious about the extra responsibility. Last year, and I think the one a couple of year's previously, were wet and muddy, but my overriding memories do involve bright sunny fields :)

Several folks are already en route (how do they get their offspring to get going so early??). Our car is mostly packed, but we all need to have one last shower...

The field is bright, lots of fun had already.  Red sky bodes well for tomorrow too!

never mind the gap

A friend is coming for lunch today. She has been living overseas for a year now and it will be ace to see her again. Then tomorrow we will see my daughter's godparents, again living overseas whom we have not seen in a year, and other friends we only ever see at Greenbelt. One of the brilliant things about good friends is that picking up where you left off, even if it has been an age. Love lasts and I don't think needs a constant reminder to stay constant :)

Great lunch, it's almost like they've not been away :)
Really excited about gb now - there's something very refreshing about so much fresh air :D and even tho we don't have the all clear on our water yet, the fact that others now do gives me hope it might all be sorted on our return.

tank top up needed

I'm not in an inspired place at the moment and these blogs reflect that. Just two days tho now til we go to Greenbelt - the highlight of my year (no pressure) and the place where I feel I get myself an annual top up. I have remembered that internet access is frustratingly hit and miss there, so will blog if I can, but you might need to lower your expectations for a few days.
Last day at work for a week, still various things to sort. I ran out of boiled water so will be taking hot water to work that I'll then need to cool - I've not kept my fluid intake up well recently because of not quite managing to have enough cooled boiled water for drinking/the dog/teeth brushing etc. I hope the situation gets resolved soon.

Now have a reasonable amount of cooled water, which is good as I'm singing in a gig tonight so will need plenty.
It was lots of fun. A proper work out, which is good, I hopefully burnt off the chocolate cake I had after:-)

left to their own devices

I'm going in late and finishing late today, so that I can have more time with the kids - they will be picked up by their Dad later. I've taken to leaving bowls of podded peas within arms length of their screens and that works. I still don't like not being able to see what they're up to.

Everyone has survived. I much prefer being together than apart tho.

nothing to say here

In an odd mood this morning.
Lots of things need sorting today - car to the garage to fix a headlight; need to go and pay the window cleaner; more school uniform to purchase then name. And I have decided to treat myself to a set of stacking beakers for camping. With space at a premium it seems silly that we take a random assortment of leftovers from toddler days that take up the whole bag.

£1 for 6 orange stacking beakers. Huzzah!
Lots of little-y but essential tasks sorted. Bit of reverse haggling in the charity shop and bought a book I wanted at twice the asking price :) I'm working tonight so whilst I will now curl up and read, I will have to keep an eye on the time!!!

The dog dug several holes in my sofa when he was a puppy. I'm contemplating getting a new to me sofa, but even now he's bent on destruction - he sits on the top of the cushion and it squashes down.

turning water into wine

"To remember who you are, you first have to forget who they told you to be"
Love this quote. Am leading Sunday school but hopefully have the whole day to play with after that so will blog more after :-) its on miracles and it will be a flipping miracle if my boy is ready on time...

Well, we made it, and did a marvellous craft.
This thundery weather is good for growing it would seem. Not for growing my tomatoes or any of the other produce I have been deliberately trying to grow without any success. But the rest of the garden has become overgrown in what seems like nano seconds. I got out and had a good attempt and filled the green bin just in time before it has started to tip it down.

I quite like the rain because somehow I feel it gives me permission to curl up and read. I ought to finish the Malala book as I need to return it to the lender - so I'll read a bit of that but I'm tempted to dig out a novel too.

I actually packed for greenbelt instead, which has made me very excited by the anticipation! I'm packing uber light, so have squeezed everything so far into a backpack. No duvet this year so am just washing a blanket - I LOVE GREENBELT!!

flat

I suspect it will be a while til either child wakes up so for now I'm playing online word games in bed. Yesterday did not go as planned. Today my boy has suggested we go and see inside out. I hope he likes it as much as I did :-)
Oooh. I loved it all over again and spotted bits I'd missed the first time!!

snooze button

Very reluctant to get up today. I should have already left for work, but I did warn them I'd be late in today - I've worked over this week deliberately so I can do a short day today. It's my boy's birthday party and sleepover tonight, though most people are unable to come - I've suggested that next time he is born he chooses a month other than August as everyone is away and it's hard to arrange things when they're not at school. All the more cake to go round I guess.

This cake contains 6 family packets of m and ms, 48 non-nestle wafer biscuits,all the butter I bought yesterday, plus rather a lot of chocolate drops bizarrely, as if it didn't have enough chocolate going on already...

adjust accordingly

My latest Facebook share goes:
"Make a list of things that make you happy.
Make a list of things you do every day.
Compare the lists.
Adjust accordingly"

Happily my things i do every day list has on it the things that make me happy, although I can go for days without reading a novel and I am going to change that.
That list also has quite a few extras on it if I don't tend to think of as making me happy, like planning and cooking meals, and housework. I can't not do those things - unless I employed a maid I guess. So what I'd like to do is find more joy in those chores. So for example, dog walking isn't something I've written on my happy list. But I do like being out in the fresh air and I do like the dog, so there's definitely scope to see it as a blessing not burden.

Was a bit dizzy in the night so taking today gently. No work til a session this evening. Just hanging out with my lovelies til then (that's on both lists).

Took dog on one of my fave local walks, under the railway bridge, it feels very rural. Only he was growling at these cows and I was really not sure about passing them either so we turned back. Gently does it.

out of sight

After my A levels I took a "year out" before going to uni. I worked for the first few months to fund a 2 week adventure holiday in Egypt, still one of the best holidays I've ever had in my life. My 41 year old self is very proud of my 18 year old self. I didn't know anyone on the trip, it was something I wanted to do and so I did it. I'm not sure if I still have that level of bravery, tho I still make friends very quickly so maybe I would just go?
My mum was really anxious about my going - I can understand that concern much better now I'm a parent myself. It's hard not to worry when those we love are out of our sight.

Following my fabulous trip I then had a live in volunteer position and enjoyed the rest of my year immersed in that. I did a lot of various volunteering that whole year, from selling charity Christmas cards in a bank (not my favourite, funnily enough), helping out on a holiday playscheme, pastoral visiting, as well as the full time homeless hostel support I did later in the year. I have been a volunteer in some form or other as long as I remember - both getting involved in and creating many opportunities at high school, whether it was paired reading, helping to run Brownies or one time we decided we would paint a litter bin like a clown to encourage its use - we did a really professional job, maybe I can dig out a photo?
I'm not sure why I'm reminiscing about volunteering, perhaps it's to remind myself how it has always been part of my life and so why my roles of co-ordinating volunteers make perfect sense.

I shall dig out some pics if there is time later whilst waiting for my wanderers to return :)

... I was caught out by the rain - I didn't even take a coat to work. Still not a peep out of those heading homewards. Trying not to assume the worst - of course they will just not have battery left on their phones etc etc.

Amy minute now and they should be in sight :-D

speed reading

I still don't know if I'm going to my book group tomorrow (don't know yet when my lovelies are returning) but I thought I'd read the book anyway, and so did so in less than 24 hours. My main complaint is that in describing it as crime fiction, I was searching for the crime rather than letting the story reveal itself. I also had a fab time with my friend and her girls, which included a row around a lake. It was interesting that she picked up on how I encouraged us to make it round the island in our allotted rowing time, when she didn't think we would be able to do that. I don't even notice most of the time that I have that positive frame of reference, but I guess I do :)

Today will in contrast be a day of much work rather than repose. If I get lots done it will mean all the more time to spend with my offspring on their return. Did I mention that it is tomorrow? ;) (late afternoon, it's getting more specific)

relaxed

Interestingly, a week after I'm back from my holiday, and back at work, and I feel the most relaxed I have in a long time. I've read loads this weekend, and today I'm meeting a friend for lunch so won't get too much work done today. The plan really was to work as much as I could whilst the kids are away so I don't have to do so much when they're back. But things don't always go to plan, do they, and it will be good for them to return to a chilled out mum.

My t shirt has arrived, I'm v pleased :-)

having my cake and happily not eating it?

I woke from my dream with the same smile I'd gone to sleep with. Even though I was just about to eat the delicious cake I'd just bought, so could well have felt miffed or denied. My dream was in some ways a continuation of the lovely evening, good food and a happy atmosphere with people I love. So I think I wasn't sad at not eating the pudding, more content just knowing it is there:-) of course that maybe because I had already had seconds of a delicious pudding in real life :-)

Decided I ought to try and burn off all these puddings. I'm so pleased to live surrounded by country lanes - we cycled 17.74 miles but I have no pics cos it's not that kind of a cycle (i.e one where you keep stopping to capture the view, or look at the map. We didn't even take a map, so got a bit lost several times, but I got to go down roads I'd never been down before so that was good).

these days

The radio show on my way to work was asking what listeners would do if you knew you were going to die at 2pm. Given my kids were too far away to reach, I concluded that if like to think, at least, that I would carry on to work as usual. That if it wasn't how I'd want to spend the last day of my life, one of hopefully many days in my entire existence, then why was I doing it? Why would we ascribe more significance to the last day over any other day? I think it's a great question cos it can help us reflect on what it is we really want to be doing with our one wild and precious life. It helps us consider why we put off doing whatever it is we really want to be doing.
Today I hope to spend time with people who mean a lot to me. I hope to eat lovely food. I hope to read, sing, take some lungfuls of fresh air, offer encouragement, feel connected. It has started well, a very surprisingly lie in dreaming til 10am. I've also now had a good read in a bubble bath, something I so enjoy yet rarely do! I know we don't get choices about all that happens, so there may well be rubbish bits today too, but I hope to make the most of all I can. We're only going to get today this once. I hope you enjoy it too :-)

sparkly silver linings

I do not like the look of the weather forecast for today, with all its warnings about the rain, as today my children will be relocating from Wales to Dorset. I shall worry about them until I know they are there safely. It's the sort of day I'd like to stay on the sofa, under the duvet with the dog, and the book that I denied myself on holiday. But once I'm at work I know I'll be into that instead. I cancelled my blood giving so maybe once I'm finished at work I shall build myself a hamster nest in my living room.

Yesterday at work I received a joyous text from my boyfriend, informing me he was cleaning my bath :) Since his redundancy, he has had time/energy for spring cleaning in his own flat, and with his boiler currently broken, I'm reaping the benefits as he has done some cleaning for me too :) There are definitely good things that come out of bad situations - tho that doesn't mean we should gloss over the trickier feelings that come with the bad situation.

I'm not sure I'm up for dancing in the rain right now (then my uniform would be wet and I'd have to sit steaming gently as I make my calls). Maybe once the work is done?

Rain stopped by the time I was back so couldn't dance in it. Made do with afternoon tea instead :) And then cos I'm missing choir, I had a karaoke session, including cars, and some of my old time faves like Let it be :)

how I wonder what you are

I'm fairly sure I saw a shooting star. I made a wish for all our happiness.
It wasn't exactly the 100 an hour that was suggested, tho my tired eyes struggled to focus and I really need to get round to making my overdue opticians appointment, so there were probably lots I didn't see but were still there.
Results day today and such a difficult day, an array of feelings over the outcomes. I still think it's down to hoop jumping and think the world is not lacking in hoop jumpers, it is something else we need more of.
Had I known that last night at choir we were being filmed whilst recording a backing track for a song, I would have worn anything other than my oldest scruffiest shirt, complete with woollen scarf for my sore throat. I'm going to look odd in a video amongst folk in summer garb. And yet I didn't really care a jot, how we see ourselves is far more important than how anyone else sees us - hard to hold onto that tho if our confidence gets shaken.

I'm having a very happy time designing myself another long promised fair trade t-shirt. Picking just the right font for the back is proving tricky but hopefully I'll hit the buy button soon and you'll get photographic evidence shortly...

We are all made of stars

And yet another film I recommend :-) Hector and the search for happiness was really good, lots of sensible tips like listening  is loving. It was late when we finished watching it, so I remembered that it's a good time to be looking for a meteor shower. I may have seen one, I'm not really sure. I might try again tonight.

I've tried to be a cheerleader for various folk today - it's one of my raison d'etres. I'm aware tho that my image must be one of positivity and strength whereas there are times when I do have my own doubts about everything. Today I felt sad as I was tussling with my faith and wondered how I would feel if I lost God too.

It's good that I have choir tonight, that will hopefully reconnect me.

On a lighter note, I loved this - wonder if the link will work for you all tho?

https://www.facebook.com/ColegioCOLMED/videos/1151780038172276/?pnref=story

inside out

For some reason I just couldn't eat enough yesterday. Maybe it was to do with my cold I felt a need to feed. Maybe I have holes I'm not aware of - I know I'm missing the kids, but I don't usually eat tons.
Anyhow, today is a full on back to my main job day, and with lots of people on annual leave, I'm expecting it to be intense.
I knew I'd enjoy the film inside out. I don't know why I didn't realise I would cry, given that I cry at everything. Loads of female characters, hurrah! I'm not going to spoil it for anyone with even a plot summary, tho I'm glad that it has made me think, I who would have said I was already pretty good at the whole Emotional Intelligence malarky. I'm hoping that in watching it the world is going to become a better place as more people get more of an understanding of how to get alongside others. I'm going to recommend it wholeheartedly to everyone :D

I was right, work was busy. I'm still ravenous again today. Hoping to do a bike ride tonight, that's not going to leave me any less hungry after! Nearly 14 miles. Worn out now!

easing in

It's looking like today will be an easing back into work very gently kind of day. Which is good, especially as I'm by now full of a cold (wonder if it will have gone by the time I'm due to give blood on fri?).
And the advantage of working from home on mondays is that if there's not much to do, maybe I can do something to tidy the house which has again got out of control.
After we had listened to the last post, we went to an exhibition in the adjacent peace park. There was a lot there I liked and some that shocked me.
This photo held particular resonance, a homeless woman asleep in front of an advert, that to me depicts so clearly all that is wrong with this world, the have nots and the "should haves".

no time like the present

A friend shared a great short story about time she found interesting,  it's here at
http://www.newstatesman.com/2015/07/gnomon
I often remind myself that time is a construct. All time is precious. Any spent with those I love is great, and since we're called to love everyone, that makes time delightful, whether alone or with strangers, as well as those I know better. The alone time can be challenging but I've not had any of that recently so maybe I will enjoy whatever I get these next few days. Maybe even finish the book I started. But first a brew with a friend before church, taking her some Belgian chocs as a thanks for feeding the hamsters.
I'm not feeling at my best today, a cold has been brewing for a few days and today I'm achy as well as sneezy. I've nearly caught up with all my emails from being away, there weren't too many work ones, and I'm liking the new discover playlist from spotify - I wonder if tomorrow's will be just as good?

focussing on the now

I was so tired when we got back last night I couldn't even add up. We had been driving for over 10 hours since Dover. I hadn't slept much the night before. We d shut the big window door to the pool as it had been shut every other evening, not knowing that the air circulation was broken and that in closing it we raised the concentration of chlorine gas in the air. I lay in bed not only anxious that my children would die of poisoning, but also bringing to mind all the times I'd snapped at them during the day, worried that I wouldn't get another chance to parent better. Sometimes it is hard to stay in the present and I have had to remind myself lots these last two days cos i start to get upset every time I think of them going away this afternoon for 1o days. It would be easy to spoil this time by being sad instead of making the most of it.

A bbq helped distract me from the big good bye.

Travelling home

Early start today, the sat nav doesn't seem to have Calais port on it and we are hoping to find a supermarket on the way as apparently we need bottled water back home too. Really not sure what time we will get back. I'm hoping we will call in for chips with my grandma, but my boy is keen to get home in time for an early night so he's not too tired for his birthday tomorrow.

Calais has lots of barbed wire in double fences, and getting through passport control and then onto the ferry was v slow.
We're nearly back on English soil now tho.
Now we're on the m25 carpark and next opportunity we will switch so I drive again.

I have never seen such a busy service station,  gridlocked to get on and off. Good job I'm so patient...

How can a 5 lane motorway still have us moving at 3mph if we're lucky?? I'm so glad I don't have to use this motorway often!

And back, nearly 10 hours since leaving Dover. Very tired.  Water to sort. Will blog again tomorrow :-)

Meanwhile the holiday isn't over yet. Here's a highlight, coupe advocat.

last day/last post

Our last day here, we have a lot planned so won't be back to the hotel, and Wifi, til late as it includes the last post at the menin gate. We all caught the sun yesterday, and in ensuring everyone else had plenty of sun cream on I overlooked myself and consequently didn't sleep well due to my burned arms. There's a lesson in that.

Smelling hops. The immediate area is very much focussed on hops so we went to the hop museum

bottled water

I find the use of bottled water in the UK environmentally scandalous when we have abundant drinkable water straight from the tap. We are incredibly lucky but like so many things, I think we often take it for granted.
Here where the advice is not to drink the water from the tap, its interesting how I'm trying to balance a constant reminder to everyone to drink plenty whilst also being mindful of every drop. I keep refilling a little bottle from the big ones we bought at a supermarche. On more than one occasion I have had to give my water to others as I'm more prepared than they are. Offering my water is something I clearly would do to anyone, can you think of anything more humane to do? But I'm squeamish about germ sharing and often wouldn't then have my bottle back unless I loved you very very much. This may stem from sharing a drink with one of my offspring when they were little and it came back to me with bits in it. So even though I love them more than anything, I might not even now take my bottle back after they have drunk from it.
Today I'm packing lots of little bottles into a day sack for our cycle ride. I was a little embarrassed at breakfast when chatting to a biologist i met yesterday. I said we were hiring bikes today and he asked which route we would be following. I said we would head to the nearest village, which is only some 4 km away. Enquiring as to their cycling plans for the day, they are doing a 47 km frontier route. We are a diverse party tho, one of us regularly cycles the guild wheel, whereas others haven't been on a bike in some time.
As always, its not a competition. We can all enjoy our time whatever it is we do :-)

We got through a lot of water.  Somehow my boy had lost or not brought any footwear other than flip flops which are not suitable for cycling so we had to go via a shoe shop. We did about 24 km, lovely flat countryside.

on the border

Thunderstorms overnight and the weather is a lot different today, no bad thing as none of us are sun worshippers. I could cheerfully spend the day sleeping I just haven't had enough kip these last couple of weeks. Hopefully a gentle day today? My girly is keen to have a crepe but I'm not sure if we will go into France today. We are right on the French/Belgian border, as you can possibly see in this pic.

This is the view from our window and you might make out the now deserted border crossing.

I often find holidays challenging.  I tend to be only happy when everyone is happy,  which can be impossible when there are several people with differing needs and desires, various expectations in terms of levels of activity etc. My girly wanted to eat waffles and crepe so she is happy.

Tomorrow we are taking a break from war and will hopefully hire bikes. For now it is reading beside the pool for me. I have brought with me a Charlotte Bingham novel given to me as a present several Christmases ago if I recall correctly. I deliberately didn't bring the book I really really want to read, cos I knew I would get sucked into the story and not want to socialize with people. That I will read when I get home and the kids go away. I will definitely have to do a few lengths again today if I am to begin to counter the impact of the chocolate etc I'm consuming....

Finally

It's how a holiday should be,  Everyone is doing something that makes them happy.  The kids are in the pool for the third time in 24 hours (it doesn't open in the mornings or else that number would be higher), my boyfriend is sampling the local beer,  and I am blogging about it all.
We have done lots already,  making the most of what could potentially be the best weather of the week.  30 degrees today so a bit hot for me really.

Arriving in France earlier than anticipated we had time before we could check in,  so we went to the beach at Dunkirk. Now considering how overactive my imagination can be,  I can be lacking at times. Consider any beautiful beach close to a densely populated area on a hot August day. It was of course heaving with bronzed bodies, music blaring,  stalls selling all kinds of stuff.  It was not the desolate beach in black and white that I had pictured,  funnily enough.

And so onto the hotel,  which apart from the disastrous lack of Wifi initially,  is great. There is an awesome sun terrace that last night had a lovely sunset and we have bought yummy items to consume there later. I suspect we will have a lot of bread and cheese meals this holiday but given the high standard of both I'm not complaining.

Good girl?

As my dad said when I texted him at 1.30 am to say we had finally arrived safely, today is a new day.
The two hour delay at the start I managed ok, but I was struggling to stay positive at the end when being a good girl didn't seem to pay off as we stayed in the correct lame going nowhere for hours whilst chancers flew past us. I have since lost my good girl status tho by going the wrong way down roads on the services to try and park up for the hotel and will need to repeat that again tomorrow.  Hopefully I will feel less grumpy when I'm out in the fresh air.

Allowing bazillions of extra minutes to get here has paid off! Operation stack no longer in force so we got here really early and they have put us on the ferry two hours before our scheduled one,  so that from like two hours extra holiday!  The sun is shining and I'm much less grumpy now :-)

..and now on French soil. First stop to see the beach at Dunkirk.

Seeing the whole of the moon

I have a friend whose spirit of adventure I greatly admire. She's encouraged me to have a joy filled and refreshing time in Belgium. That is my plan, and in order to do so am going to remind myself lots that I'm not responsible for anyone else's fun, only my own. I'm a big believer in that we create what we experience. This is not to deny the hideous things that can happen to folk that can floor us, but that for me attitude is everything. I'm well aware that with operation stack still in place and the motorway to Dover closed, the journey has the potential to be fraught (we don't do that bit til tomorrow tho), but I'm nonetheless excited and have worked out how to say "I spy with my little eye" in French.
Meanwhile my optimism is firmly in place - I know that my optimism is simultaneously appealing and irritating, but it is irrepressable. I know its a fine line. When things feel bleak, a situation may not be helped by someone cheerfully suggesting it will all be alright when that is Not How It Feels At All.
And yet.
My life experience this far leads me to know that even when it feels hopeless, it never stays like that forever. Something shifts and our creativity is released and we shuffle a bit and are then able to see things a bit differently. I may need to remind myself of this if I'm trapped for some time in a queue.
I think I model myself on the people to whom I feel immense gratitude, those who have resolutely stood by me when things have felt unbearably tough. You - and several of you will be reading this - have not called me silly for finding things overwhelmingly hard. You have stayed present, offered me practical and emotional support,  and consistently pointed out how far I have come and just how much there is to stay hopeful about. Thankyou.

Meanwhile, having watched big hero 6 last night, for the second time, I'm surprised I've not blogged on it before. As you know, I think kids films are the best, and wholeheartedly recommended this one:-)

... All going well so far. i've just hoovered so much gravel out of my car I must have improved my fuel consumption no end! I've then crammed tons of drinks and snack bars into every little space - one of the joys of my car is it has loads of little drawers built in :D And here's a fab quote for today and always:

No regrets just lessons
No worries just acceptance
No expectations just gratitude
Life is too short

Still not there yet, left 2 hours late cos of scout. Minibus breakdown.  Reasonable run til this last hour when we have only moved 0.3 miles. Might not have time to blog later or til on ferry tomorrow as need to sleep at some point!! It's currently after midnight and still a bit to go...