not walking my talk

I really need to learn ways of stopping worrying. Today's futile concerns are about my birthday party, still nearly 3 weeks hence. I'm partly excited - singing yesterday with One Voice on some temporary steps up to my local city museum reminded me just how much I love singing with them. Even in the rain we know how to have fun. So that's good - I need to be around people who know how to have fun!! I'm also feeling sad tho - several of my best friends aren't able to make my party, they live too far away or whatever. And I'm sad that none of my Black and Asian friends are likely to make it, meaning the choir leader will be the only Black person celebrating with me and that just feels wrong. And having spent much of last week not loving people in the way I'd like, I'm struggling to be nice to myself as I feel I'm just not walking my talk. I have two lots of church today, maybe there will be opportunities to get back in touch with the me I want to be.