I insist?

For months and months I have been trying to encourage someone to do something and tried every tactic I know – encouraging them to look at why they didn’t want to do it and what they were afraid of if they did; reminding them that I believed they could do it; staying in with them whilst they struggled with it.

And then someone with more authority insisted, and they did it. It’s tempting for me to then see this as a failure on my part and review how I do things.  I have wondered whether my desire to be liked has interfered with an ability to insist on something getting done.

But then I remembered what my goal always is, which is about empowerment rather than insistence. Maybe they just needed a nudge from someone with more authority – maybe it isn’t all just down to me, and maybe I don’t need to change how I go about doing things. So no, I didn’t get what I wanted at one level, but maybe that isn’t what matters most.

When parenting, the times I feel happier are when we negotiate what is to happen rather than I say what will happen.  However I’ve noticed that I struggle much more to apply my empowering style as a parent, often I just want and expect the kids to do something. So I seem to do a lot of insisting – but there is often resentment. We sometimes have a discussion as to why I’m insisting on something (usually cos I want to protect them from the harm of too much TV/sugar/hurting one another etc), but mainly I just get cross. So I still have much more to learn, and more patience to find J