Intentionality

My years with NCBI have taught me many things, including the way I can overcome my “stuff” and reach out to people. And with limited time and energy, sometimes I have to make choices as to who to reach out to. This is where I become “intentional” and I may cast my eyes around the room and think to myself who shall I connect with now? I’m guessing other people do this and we all will choose according to various reasons. Lots of us probably choose someone we think we’re likely to get along with, maybe someone who looks a bit like us, perhaps they look as lively/timid as we are. Or we wait til someone comes over to us rather than risk making a fool of ourselves and going over to them.

Since hearing more about how it can be to live in a minority, I have become more deliberate in who I choose to go and talk to. If there is only one Dad amongst a crowd of Mums at a toddler group, I think it might be quite tough for them, so I go and say hello. If I’m at an event and notice there is only one person who appears Asian, I will go and engage them in conversation. Or if I spot that the audience is all of a similar age except for one young person, I will sidle up to say hello. Of course, I’ve had to look at lots of my baggage, my racism, young people’s oppression, etc, so as not to be patronising, and obviously, there are times I don’t get it right. But rather than leave people in isolation, with others around them feeling too shy to go over and make that contact, I take the risk.

And of course, everyone in the room is worth getting to know – with sufficient time, I can strike up a conversation with each person – the unexpected connections are always a delight. But if time is tight, then we have limited choices, and so I pay attention to who I might be avoiding, and why, and consider if others are making that same decision and if so how might that feel for that shunned person… And the result – some amazing conversations and friendships. So go for it!