Gratitude

I recently seem to be in a place where I am able to be thankful for pretty much everything.  Even the hard stuff, where learning is to be found. But mainly for the good stuff which I have in abundance.

I’ve been reading a book set just over 100 years ago, where working conditions were harsh and trying to stay alive a relentless struggle. My life is nothing like that. And so when the water falls hot out of my shower, when I get to eat something  delicious, and especially when I get to cuddle my children, I am feeling incredibly grateful.

Last night we had a bottle of fizzy grape juice with our meal – it’s something we usually have to celebrate. Last night I wanted to celebrate the fact that we are alive, together, and life is good. I shall be taking more opportunities to celebrate those things. Hope you grab each opportunity to do so too.

The power of hug

I’ve recently got back in touch with my hugging self. I used to hug a lot, and somehow without noticing, cut back on it. This is good news – the benefits of touching are well documented. I know someone who deliberately ensures her hand connects with any cashier who gives her change – most of us intentionally or not avoid making that kind of contact with other humans. (and yet are perfectly happy to reach down to pat my over-excitable and in some ways scary looking Staffie. How odd!) 

One of the most moving moments in my life was a day when I was feeling quite down, and a busy someone (whom I didn’t know particularly well) passed me in the street and stopped to say "hi" and as she left casually touched my arm – I still cry now when I recall that moment, as it was such a brief gesture that she may not even have realised she was doing it, but it had such an impact on me.

In my work roles we have a very clear “hands off” approach which I understand (we do talk a lot about the power of "skin-to-skin" tho!) Outside of that, I am definitely a touchy feely kind of person – it’s a way of connecting almost constantly with my children, with other people I love dearly, and (when I’m in a good mood) with complete strangers too, who for all I know, may not have had anyone else touch them all day. I’m mindful, mainly, but it’s also such a wonderful uninhibited way of showing someone that they matter. And of course, I often get a hug back – win win :D

Shut up/shut down

My son is brilliant. I sometimes forget this tho and so he has to – loudly – remind me. We were on a wonderful walk this weekend when he and his sister were playing by/in the river and he got pushed in. He was not happy. In my dismay that his howls would ruin the rest of the walk, I instantly rushed in with “I have no sympathy, if you’d come when I’d told you to this never would have happened.” Etc. etc. Fortunately, he knows what he needs so he didn’t shut up, or shut down, and continued to protest about how it was the worst day of his life – until I finally got it. He knew he needed to be understood, and to work the situation out of his system. And so eventually I asked him if it had been a shock – one moment expecting to swing through the air on the rope, the next landing in some cold and muddy water. If it had been me to have been pushed in, I’m sure I’d have made everyone else aware of how upset I was about it – why should I expect differently of him because he is a child?

I do know that this is all each of us need – to be heard – and yet I keep forgetting – I sometimes push people away cos I’m frightened by what they may say if really given a chance to share. I can jolly people along into looking at the bright side 'cos I don’t really want to stick around with them whilst they go to the dark places. I occasionally shut people up because I’ve not had enough space of my own for all I need to protest about.

But I’m brilliant too – and so when I get to remember then things do shift, and we all get to move on. And the noisiness is of laughter instead of wailing :D

Delayed gratification?

My daughter always leaves her favourite part of the meal 'til last – I tend to eat a mouthful of the best bits as I go along to make the boring parts less dull – I’m too impatient to leave it til the end and prefer my enjoyment in small bites than all at once. But I’ve noticed I struggle to transfer this to the rest of my life. I’ve been struck today by the phrase “Do what you love and do it often” and really want to incorporate this more into how I live. Take Sunday, which was really sunny, and my girly wanted me to sit with her in the garden to read, something I’d have really enjoyed. But I kept finding chores – before I could relax, I just wanted to do this, get that done, and by the time I was ready, she had come back inside. I can see this repeated in my life - I often feel I can't do what I'd like to do until all the jobs are done - and of course, all the jobs are never done!! Is that really how I want to live my life?? I’ve got a bit better about doing more of what I love, but I have a way to go still. I guess a good start is to identify what I really love doing, then make sure I do those things as often as I can. So today I shall make opportunities to sing, hug, listen and love... as often as I can!!!!

knock, knock, knocking

I so enjoy Christian Aid Week for many reasons, but today have been reflecting on how for me it creates a whole host of opportunities to love people. Which is what I’m beginning to realise is all my life is about, actually.

Re-distributing wealth is only a small part of why I collect really. What I like most is the chances to connect with people, to hear some of their current stories and concerns. Having an envelope in my hand legitimises knocking on their door and gives us a starting focus. And since lots of people have concerns around money, and/or about injustice, it can be a great conversation starter.

So I wondered whether I should do this all the time? I quickly realised tho that one of the main things I like is that I am knocking on doors in my community, and connecting with people I see in other contexts, and that is what makes it real. It wouldn’t work for me going elsewhere, week after week. I like that there are some people I have visited annually for the last dozen years. I like welcoming people when I find out they’ve just moved in to the street. Yes there are disheartening moments but these for me are more than outweighed when people say they’re glad that we’re out collecting – the fact that we can be bothered seems to bring hope to people.

I also enjoy the opportunity afforded by being one of a team of collectors across my town, as I get to share in their delights, and their frustrations. I guess it brings hope to me, knowing there are lots of us who will not sit back and say nothing can be done to end poverty. Despite being tired, and unsure of what is behind the closed door, we’re willing to go and find out.

And even tho it isn’t all about the money, I also know the amount collected gets used in life changing ways. I’m already looking forwards to doing it all over again next year!!

so glad to have you in my life

I currently feel aware of just how lucky I am to have each and every person in my life. This is at times very easy (I know many inspirational, generous and loving people). I often thank them for being in my life and the joy they bring. And then there are times, such as when one of my children has caught me when I’m tired and is repeatedly pressing my buttons, when I get all cross and shouty. This is when I forget that I’m still very lucky to have them in my life. Clearly I’m not superhuman, nor do I want to be. But right now it’s what I’m going for – would I be acting differently if I could remember just how glad I am to have this person in my life (I sometimes need to step away from the situation to remember this!!) It’s all part of the same re-focussing of my mind from feeling aggrieved about something, to looking for the delight in every situation. Choosing to cherish, rather than give energy to resentments. I’ll let you know how I get on…

Weighty expectations

“You’ve let me down, you’ve let X down, and most of all you’ve let yourself down”

Even if we never had this communicated to us in these particular words, I’ve noticed lots of us seem to be living under a weight of expectations, and a fear of letting people down.

I’ve been told that my expectations of others are too high and can’t be lived up to, so I’ve been reflecting on this. One thing I’m pleased with is that whilst I haven’t “lowered” my expectations (I still think it’s important to imagine, and see the best in people) what I am managing more often is to change my expectations. In the past I’ve often hoped people would do things that way I would do them and then have been disappointed when they’ve gone and done it their way!!! Hopefully I’m more appreciative now that we of course all do things in different ways, and someone else’s way is just as valid as mine ;)

I’m also trying to unhook my feelings of disappointment. I might feel let down, but that doesn’t mean “you have let me down” – the I statement makes a big difference – I can own, and reflect on my feelings, but I don’t have to go around trying to make others feel guilty.

And I can choose not to live under the weight of other people's expectations - I often feel burdened by letting the neighbours down for not keeping my grass mown, but actually, I'm not accountable to them, I could do what I wanted, not what I expect others expect!!

 

So, what if we each trusted that we were doing our best and not letting anyone down? What if we knew each other person was doing their best and so didn’t get to feel let down by them? I think we all might get along a whole lot better, feeling a whole lot lighter…