Shut up/shut down

My son is brilliant. I sometimes forget this tho and so he has to – loudly – remind me. We were on a wonderful walk this weekend when he and his sister were playing by/in the river and he got pushed in. He was not happy. In my dismay that his howls would ruin the rest of the walk, I instantly rushed in with “I have no sympathy, if you’d come when I’d told you to this never would have happened.” Etc. etc. Fortunately, he knows what he needs so he didn’t shut up, or shut down, and continued to protest about how it was the worst day of his life – until I finally got it. He knew he needed to be understood, and to work the situation out of his system. And so eventually I asked him if it had been a shock – one moment expecting to swing through the air on the rope, the next landing in some cold and muddy water. If it had been me to have been pushed in, I’m sure I’d have made everyone else aware of how upset I was about it – why should I expect differently of him because he is a child?

I do know that this is all each of us need – to be heard – and yet I keep forgetting – I sometimes push people away cos I’m frightened by what they may say if really given a chance to share. I can jolly people along into looking at the bright side 'cos I don’t really want to stick around with them whilst they go to the dark places. I occasionally shut people up because I’ve not had enough space of my own for all I need to protest about.

But I’m brilliant too – and so when I get to remember then things do shift, and we all get to move on. And the noisiness is of laughter instead of wailing :D