It’s been quite a week and it feels as if the theory I love about counselling has come home to roost! It’s like I’ve really grasped what I’m been sharing for years, that our feelings, are only feelings! They can feel MASSIVE and threaten to overwhelm. Other people’s feelings when they dump them on us can feel threatening too. And conflict, something I’m not usually a fan on – I’m def getting more to grips with that. So the arguments, the disagreements, the mean comments or actions – it’s just our “stuff”, pitted against each other. It’s old hurts, past experiences raising their head. I often call it having our buttons pressed – something happens and it triggers an old feeling from an early experience where we ended up feeling less than wonderful about ourselves, and all that self doubt comes flooding back, and we feel the hurt until we’ve had chance to heal from it and remember just how wonderful we are now, and were back then.
All workeable through, if we choose to. We don’t have to, and we certainly can’t make others do it, so in a conflict sometimes the other person doesn’t want to take the opportunity to look at what’s going on for them – it’s not yet feeling safe enough for them to do that, perhaps. They’re doing the best they can, just as we are.
I don’t have to feel so scared of other people’s hurt, I’m better able to see that it is “just” their buttons have been pressed (does it feel unsympathetic to tell them that tho??). And when I feel upset, I can notice that it’s just some of my old stuff has been triggered – nothing I can’t handle (with a bit of help maybe!!)
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