unwanted

Postie was 12 mins late collecting from the post box. This was a Very Good Thing, as I was 12 minutes late getting to the box to post my nephew's birthday card, so now I feel confident it will get there. I'm anxiously waiting on postie everyday at the moment. It's doing my head in so I think maybe I'll just do myself my own documents. Waiting for the divorce papers to arrive is making me on edge and miserable. The feelings of rejection are very powerful and debilitating. I keep trying to tell myself they will come whenever they come and it doesn't matter when. There is no deadline. I'm just fed up of the waiting nervously, so I think I just need to imagine they have already arrived.
It's a beautiful day, one I have unexpectedly in my own company, so could do anything. I ought to get out in the garden trying to level the ground as there is now a date set for a pool party, only no likelihood of the pool being up. I also ought to get out and purchase provisions as the cupboards are almost bare. And there is ALWAYS washing up. I could start on the work for tomorrow - I unusually have to work Sunday and could make that easier by starting now, only I had hoped for 24 hours off. The weight of the silence is oppressive - thank goodness for spotify. I've typed in "Something inside so strong" and can listen to hundreds of versions.