tenderness

I've witnessed various people falling out recently which I find sad to be around. I'm certainly not perfect myself and know that I shout at my kids way more than I'd like to. We made an agreement the other day that if having asked them very nicely to do something at least a couple of times, they would understand if I then got cross if they hadn't listened. But it turns out none of us like it if even then I get cross at the 3rd or 4th time of asking them to come to tea or whatever, so we need to revisit this. They really really don't like it when I use a cross voice on them, and I really really don't like it either.
I read again recently of a village where a child who has done wrong has their song sung to them by the circle of villagers rather than gets punished, and in my ideal world I'd only show love to people no matter which of my buttons they'd pushed: my tone would be tender at all times. I've shared this story with my kids and said how because I'm not perfect, I can't manage this.
I notice different tones of voice, and hear sparkle in some, defeat in others. A time I was particularly shocked was when my daughter was little and most people spoke to her with warm voices - one day a person spoke to her in a much more gruff tone and partway through referred to her as a boy. I wonder if lots of boys experience that - to be spoken to in less affectionate tones by most people from the get go?

I had such a lovely evening with my boyfriend last night - we'd not had time together in ages, and I think it's easier to be delighted when you are reminded about having to make the most of brief time together, rather than when we forget that any time together is precious. One of the unexpected upsides of my husband leaving is that when the children go to be with him - which I still find hard even now - it serves to remind that we're to make the most of what time we do get together, because it has become more rationed.
The written word tends to have only the tone we the reader perceive - it's why I much prefer face to face encounters or phonecalls than conversations via emails or texts. But I do try to write as well as speak with love - hope you can "hear" it!
xx