Trigger warning - Mary and Eve

 It's been a tough week. I don't know why I'm surprised really. Every week women die at the hands of violent men. (Men also die at the hands of violent men, and occasionally people die due to women's violence. Every death and attack is horrific). Last year there were 62,200 reported rapes in the UK ( happening to women and men, by men). That is a staggeringly high number. For those involved it is their following days and years that will be incredibly tough.

I think the way the week unfolded has made it particularly hard, bookended by days in which women were celebrated (International women's day on Monday, Mothering Sunday today). In between my media pages were filled with varying degrees of sexism (in some cases compounded by racism and transphobia). This included refusal to believe the experiences of a high profile woman; a murder of a woman who was walking home; the anniversary of a woman murdered in her home during a police raid; many many women sharing their experiences of assault, some sharing for the first time and a backlash from many men unable to hear the pain without immediately wanting to point out that not all men are bad. 

Of course not all men are bad. I'm glad to know many good hearted men, those who not only would never attack a woman, but are also doing their best to figure out what they need to do to challenge the sexism, and to do what they can to reduce the intimidation felt. There have been some good allies this week, tho at times they have felt few and far between.

I also understand the pull to defend. Everytime I hear someone say that they were around a Christian who oppressed them, I want to shout "we don't all believe that! I'm not like that!" And I've slowly learned that actually it's not about me. Maybe if I can build a good enough relationship, the person will get to see that I'm not like that. But that will only come if I first sit with my discomfort that someone like me has caused pain. And to hear how upsetting that was. To acknowledge the truth of the person's experience, rather than rush in and diminish what they are trying to express.

As soon as we get defensive, we're not listening so well. It's bloody hard. I've felt defensive a fair bit myself this week. I can see why it's difficult to make progress and to keep at it together instead of get divided off from one another.

And the contrast isn't new either. For centuries there's been the saint/sinner extreme of worshipping the mother of God or blaming everything/the fall on one woman. So to be praised on Monday and trashed by Tuesday should not be unexpected. But it certainly should be challenged.