Imagery of calm

I was going to blog yesterday then discovered the one I'd written the week before hadn't posted. I have more time today any way... I am enjoying my weekends even more since starting a full time job as it's an opportunity to do things I've not had chance to do during the week. This term in particular tho I will be working a fair bit at weekends and evenings so I will be juggling when I'm working.

The word juggle is one I've been using a lot to describe how I feel about trying to be a good enough parent, worker, partner, daughter, friend etc. It's a better image than the one I was holding yesterday, which was of being stretched, for which the mental visual was one of being on a torture rack and pulled. At least the juggle image conjours happy times of clowns and fun. I currently am picturing myself with a full tray of crockery that I'm trying to keep upright, whilst I'm doing my best to move on some kind of large turquoise rubber ball. I'm wobbling all over the place whilst glasses slide precariously around the tray, in some cases tipping over the edge and smashing on the ground.

Attempting to be present whilst fretting I should be elsewhere is a challenge, but there's no point rearranging my work day to ensure I can be supportive at a hospital appointment if I then can't focus on actually being there, so it's important once I've committed to being in the one place to not wish I was in another. Sometimes I manage it, sometimes I don't and have been stressed and grumpy.

I wonder if I can change the picture I have of myself as that will alter how I actually am. To imagine myself in a more serene way. I once felt really calm on a low boat and remember telling myself to take an internal photo of just how smooth and peaceful it all was. Now is the time to relive that experience and embody that tranquillity.

More than once people have commented on my zen attitude, so I know I can do it. Hope you too today can embody whatever it is you want :-)

Greenbelt firsts

I've been to around 23 greenbelts now and have experienced each differently, especially whilst taking offspring from when they were brand new to now when I have minimal parental involvement. There were several firsts this year. Arriving in 28 degrees, departing in 31, with higher temperatures in the middle. This means for the first time I purchased an icecream at greenbelt. Better still was the next day when I bought a slushie... Normally the artificial colours and flavours would be far from desirable, yet it was one of the most perfect things in that moment, under the trees enjoying the shade.
My partner was only 3 weeks post-surgery so our aim was to take things easy and not push ourselves. The heat and sun necessitated it anyway, so we had a lovely laidback festival, lounging rather than dashing. At one point this meant we had the joy of an unprogrammed set starting up next to where we were resting. We also made the decision to eat more on site rather than traipse to and from our distant tent, which meant lots of delicious meals.
There were some inspiring speakers. It was great to hear Nadia again, we had not one, but 3 copies of her new book signed. And Russell Brand had a beautiful humility. I'm trying to put into practice what he said when he was asked about people who misunderstand him. He spoke about how it's not his purpose to try and make people see him a particular way, his task is only to serve and love. I can see how any of us could expend unnecessary energy concerned by if others have the right impression of us when actually that doesn't matter at all. This morning when I was praying before embarking on a tricky conversation, I reminded myself that all I want and need to do is love love love. If I just stay focussed on that, all is well.

This greenbelt marked a year since starting my job with the Methodist church, and as a result felt different. I knew I'd bump into colleagues and people I know through work, and I wondered if that would make the festival more like work than fun. Life/discipleship/work are definitely intertwined, so sometimes I noted things that would be useful for work. But it didn't make it less fun. I think my job involves a lot of fun and in many ways reminds me of greenbelt all year round. The kind of books I need to read for work are the sort of things I'd hear as talks at the festival. The kind of people I meet throughout my working week remind me of the impromptu communities that form on the August bank holiday weekend.
Hurrah!