Relight my fire

Did you hear the story about the guy who lost his wallet at greenbelt and when he got it back there was more money in it than when he lost it?
Whilst not strictly true (he thinks he'd just forgotten about the extra tenner) it does for me sum up the festival. Several people lost things (I-phone, wallet) and all were handed in with nothing taken. It's that kind of place.
As usual my favourite moments were hanging out with friends old and new. Catching up with those I've not seen for a whole year, and getting glimpses into lives of people I'd just met on the sofa in the angels lounge. There was also great music, talks (I may have been a bit choked up in the one led by a rabbi about what his dogs can teach us about spirituality) and worship. Another highlight was the procession to a worship session led by dancers from the Igorot tribe in the Philippines. We had to take our lit candles across the pontoon bridge and around the edge of a breezy lake. I enjoyed the symbolism of having to keep relighting from each other's candles as the wind kept snuffing them out. I feel it's how I live my life, mainly all bright, a large dancing flame. Only then something comes along and the flame peters out and handily there are good folk around who lean over and relight it, just as I do repeatedly for them.
I start my new job this morning and am grateful for the people who I know are wishing me well, and who have been relighting my flame that means I've reached this point. My contract officially began yesterday and it felt like an auspicious start to be raising a mug of tea in a field of tents, celebrating faith. I wonder what will happen next?

Steadying

I have spent the last 8 years alongside some powerful characters in Robin Hobb's fantasy world of wolf magic and dragons. One of my friends recommended her books as a great place to escape to whilst feeling the rawness of my husband's departure. Several trilogies later, I have been reluctant to reach the very end but now seems a fitting time with my own new life chapter about to begin. Despite the unlikeliness of me finding delight in tales of torture and destruction, I have loved the connectedness of the characters (some of whom can contact each other through thought alone, a gift I'm especially envious of when in an area of weak mobile signal. Not understanding how it works, I did wonder if yesterday's drizzle made it even harder to get through cos I couldn't even get my one working spot).
One of the main teachings for me came from the wolf who lived in the moment. He was good at advising people to not waste energy fretting. If an opportunity arises to sleep, far better to do that and be fresh for the challenges ahead than waste the time worrying. It is easier said than done but is wise.
Not only have I said goodbye to my Farseer friends in those books, I've also finished "feel the fear" again. It still has so many profound lessons for me, I need to keep rereading it ( I rarely reread a book) and is what helps me to stay more in the now rather than panic about the future. I don't know what is going to happen in the next few days, but right now the breath of the dog is warm and steady and lovely.

Tight spot

I received the message "could not send" maybe a thousand times yesterday. For a text to work, the phone has to be positioned at exactly the right angle, both horizontally and vertically against the back window. To make a call, I have to be in just the right spot on the back doorstep, and much patience and repetition is required.
I find this frustrating at the best of times. Yesterday when I needed to get through to various people, it was very testing. But I'm grateful for people's generosity when I did get through :-)

A whole new world

Not being a gardener, going to a flower show for the first time opened up a whole new world. I had no idea that there are societies for lovers of dahlias, national sweet pea societies and on it goes for all kinds of various plants. I do like dahlias (tho not enough to sign up) and the masses of lilies smelled amazing.

It was an enjoyable day out, not one I'd have paid the ticket price of £26 for, tho I can see how it appeals to some. I went as we were singing 3 sets, and as I kept my fleece firmly attached (it was very windy and a bit wet) my pocketed phone counted my steps whereas it doesn't usually track my steps in gigs. So it tells me that I did my most steps ever. Not ideal when I am still assailed by a hideous cold  but I will try and rest more these next few days.

Meanwhile here are some miniature trees, over 100 years old. As someone who can kill a plant in a matter of days, I stood in awe at the dedication and attention that will have been required over such a long time period.

undignified end

This morning I hoovered up way over 100 dead wasps in the loft (I stopped counting). As someone who likes to honour all of creation, this didn't quite feel right but I couldn't think of a better solution. There was still one alive and who knows how many more, so I investigated options. I refused to call a company entitled "death to pests" cos who wants a van with that written on the side outside their home? Certainly not me. I rang someone else who kindly said that they probably won't be around much longer anyway so I could save myself the £50 and just wait it out. Whilst I really appreciated his kindness, I wonder if he gets much business or talks himself out of it regularly?

In better nature news, I love being able to pop into the garden and eat a tomato straight from the plant :) That is a more fitting ending, fulfilling its destiny (from a human perspective).

Chocolate brownies

One of my most favourite things ever is freshly home made chocolate brownies. If they are still warm, so much the better. I'm not sure what exactly has it so float my boat. Maybe the combination of taste (chocolate with chocolate chunks - but I'm not so keen on chocolate cookies with chunks, I'd rather have vanilla cookies with chocolate chunks) and texture. The squidgy bit but also the crispy edge. It really is my idea of heaven. And maybe it's because I also associate it with heavenly experiences. My first encounter with fresh-from-the-oven loveliness was Pru's cafe at greenbelt, already the highlight of my year, so the brownie became the cherry on the cake, so to speak. Cherries might work in brownies. I once made some with prunes that were still scrummy but felt healthier :-)
My other association with brownies I know I've blogged on before but it was one of those moments that sticks with me for its wonderful generosity. My awesome friend came to see me after my husband left, bearing a whole tray of brownies and the words " you don't have to share them with anyone."
I've only occasionally made them myself, at a time when me and an ace friend compared recipes for such things, so they remind me of her too.
More latterly, I now link brownies with my girly, who rustles up a tray whenever she has a group of friends over, or is off on a big camp. I greedily scrape the bits left on the tray as well as devour a piece or two (she's left me 6 this week!). So I've probably had more this year than the rest of my lifetime.

What are some of your favourite things?

Amsterdam

There was lots to enjoy about our trip to Amsterdam, although the unusual 30 degree temperatures were out of my comfort zone. We did lots, learned plenty. Having had a lot of relaxing time recently, this city break was for me a holiday to do activities rather than rest, and we certainly packed a lot in - cycling, kayaking, art, architecture, gay pride, eating and a bit of down time too. Taking the environmentally friendlier option of the ferry rather than plane (as well as leaving the car) had some advantages, particularly in terms of spotting dolphins, porpoises and seals.

 I have long been interested in Anne Frank and once was a guide in an exhibition about her life, so for me visiting the secret annex where she lived for 2 years fulfilled a life long ambition. Seeing the bookcase that hid the entrance was incredibly moving. Hearing the vibrant celebrations of pride going on outside was in some ways a weird juxtaposition, but for me a really poignant reminder of how important it is that we wholeheartedly welcome everyone, as the consequences of not doing so are dire.

Not understanding much of the native language was tricky for me and I realise how much of our daily lives occur with unwritten assumptions. It is bewildering for those who are not aware what those processes are. Recycling for example. In a city 2 meters below sea level, you'd expect a big drive to try and counter the impact of climate change. There were recycling bins on the outskirts but I didn't see any in the city centre and at no point found anywhere for an aluminum can. I struggled to understand the system of returning plastic bottles on which a deposit is paid. This has all served to heighten my awareness of some of the obstacles faced by non-English speakers visiting or living here.

So lots to take away :-)